


simply skin & bones

by nutmeg101



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Football | Soccer, Gen, National Women's Soccer League, US Women's Soccer National Team, Women's Professional Soccer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 16:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2355368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutmeg101/pseuds/nutmeg101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"And it’s not the casual kind of attraction that most girls have to other girls [...] This is the kind that coming from a family as religious as hers, she feels the need to hide." </i>
</p><p>New York City college AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Apples & Peaches

_December 2005;  
_ _I-75 S, Georgia, USA//_

 

Kelley drags her thumb clockwise around the wheel of her iPod. She can only hope that her eardrums start to bleed. The gentle hum of the car engine stirred in with oldies Christmas carols crooning in the background used to be able to lull her into some semi-conscious state, but today, with Jerry and Erin bickering in the backseat with her, it’s nearly impossible.

The annual family drive from Fayetteville to Savannah is as boring as it’s ever been. Endless stretches of freeway, leafless trees dotting the way, and then every so often they pass through small towns of civilization. A tiny beacon of light on an otherwise dull drive; and then more roads of nothing.

Jerry is tall and lanky; his knees pressed firmly and awkwardly into the back of the passenger seat- a recipe for disaster for an already whiny teenager. And then there’s Erin who’s small and fits comfortably in the middle- Kelley’s sidekick through and through, but today she’s on her sister’s last nerve. Erin just likes to antagonize their brother by sitting as close to him as possible, occasionally jabbing at his sides. Kelley can handle it at home, in fact she’s almost always the instigator, but in the small confines of a car for four hours, it drives her to the point of insanity.

And Kelley is more restless than usual. She spends her time un-rhythmically bobbing her head to Kelly Clarkson and racing the melting snowflakes that sprinkle the window. She would much rather be at home, lounging in her sweatpants as terrible Christmas movies play in the background while her and her siblings fight over how to decorate their gingerbread house, ultimately resulting in a terrible of catastrophe of angrily displaced candies. They used to be able to each have their own house, but after the fated _Christmas Disaster of ‘02_ (there was icing _everywhere_ ), mom has only allowed them to have one. 

“Think of it as team building,” she had said.

Kelley is still bitter.

The minutes pass achingly slow, Erin and Jerry finally reaching some kind of half-hearted truce with hardly forty-five minutes left. 

“We’re almost there!” Dad sings from the front. There’s a hint of sarcasm to his voice because he hates this almost as much as Kelley does.

Kelley groans and leans forward, pressing her forehead into the back of the driver’s seat. She’s been dreading this inevitable weekend for years. Her three older female cousins have gone through it, Erin has gone through it, and now it’s her turn.

It’s the _Christmas Cotillion_ ; two words that have been the primary source of Kelley’s nightmares and anxiety for weeks.

“Aren’t you excited?” Erin beams, shaking her sister violently by the shoulders, to which she receives a swift and solid punch to the thigh. She yelps. Jerry snickers and mom rolls her eyes. 

“Settle _down_.” 

Roads of nothing turn into old stonewall buildings, white picket fences line the cobblestone streets, and there are dustings of silver and gold tinsel everywhere. Oh, the Christmas joy. It feels like they’ve travelled back in time some fifty years. Kelley knows the town well, none of this is any surprise, but there’s never been quite the distaste in her mouth like there is now.

Sometimes she feels like she was born into the wrong kind of family. She likes to dress up when the occasion is right, like dinners and small parties, but the life and title of a debutante is too official, too pretentious. It isn’t for someone who likes to play in the mud and stick worms in her mouth to gross out her sister, or have farting contests with her brother.

It’s dreadful, really. White ball gowns and elbow length gloves; curtseys and proper manners; being paraded on stage as if she’s for sale; it’s enough to make her want to run for the hills. Luckily, Georgia is a state with plenty.

-

 

Time seems to standstill for the weekend. So much preparation for a one-night event that somehow the buzzing atmosphere of the hotel seems to go unnoticed by Kelley. The same can’t be said for her mom, who has never been quite so stressed out before. Kelley wholeheartedly attributes that to the fact that this was so much easier with Erin; she lives and breathes the lifestyle of a debutante, while Kelley refuses to even touch her dress unless absolutely necessary. Not to mention that her feet in high heels are like oil in water.

She’s out of her element. She doesn’t belong in the high society and the proof is in the way the whole event is a train wreck from start to finish, as if Pandora’s Box had been opened the moment the garment bag was unzipped. 

Kelley gets poked in the eye with mascara and feigns momentary blindness, shouting and dramatically flailing to the floor in the hopes of avoiding this whole ordeal; Erin loses the earrings that all of the O’Haras have worn for this specific occasion (but then finds them at the very last minute); Dad’s suit is a little too tight; Jerry has gone AWOL; Kelley almost trips on stage; the list of disasters is endless.

She just wants to go home. 

Then comes the final dance of the night and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Kelley is tired, frustrated, her feet hurt, and her hands are sweating gallons inside her satin gloves. She groans at the prospect of having to dance with yet another clueless adolescent boy, or a boy that’s too pompous and shallow for his own good- there comes a point when too many Ivy League colleges awaiting one’s destiny becomes a bad thing.

Her mom shoots her half hopeful, half worried thumbs ups from a distance. 

And that’s when she meets David. 

* * *

 

_August 2006;  
_ _Fayetteville, Georgia//_

David has transitioned seamlessly into the O’Hara family. He’s kind, he’s smart, his table side manners are impeccable, and he makes Kelley’s dad chuckle like a schoolgirl with a crush at all of his overly sophisticated jokes that Kelley doesn’t care for. He even does this hair flip thing that makes Erin swoon a little bit and Jerry jealous that he can’t. He helps with dishes after dinner so much so that mom barely has to lift a finger.

“Be more like your boyfriend,” she likes to tease Kelley, who just rolls her eyes back.

It’s sort of exactly then, watching David flawlessly charm her parents into this unguarded state of comfort and security, and after eight months of Kelley trying to convince herself that there’s a future with him, that she realizes this has been more of a relationship between David and her parents than David and herself.

It’s disconcerting.

Kelley tries to not make much of it. She likes David, kind of, maybe. It’s mostly just scary because he’s on some kind of relationship fast track and Kelley is still getting her footing. 

It’s also becoming increasingly more difficult with Kelley going to New York University in just over a week, and David staying at a stateside college. Her parents had tried to convince her to stay home as well, but the entire family knows of her strange obsession with New York City. 

Independence was most important. Kelley wants to be far enough away from home that she can have her own true sense of it; and NYU (aside from Princeton) was the only college that accepted her that promises an equal balance all four seasons, not just mostly summer.

Silly, maybe, but it’s the little things that always win her over.

Kelley excuses herself to her room while David, Jerry, and dad talk mindlessly about football in the den. Half empty boxes and suitcases clutter her bedroom and she clears a small space on the floor for herself next to a heap of “ready to be packed” clothes.

It’s exceptionally warm and humid tonight; the photographs pinned to the walls curling at the corners and Olly can be heard panting from all the way downstairs.

She’s halfway through packing a box of books when there’s a quiet knock at her door and David peaks his head in.

“Hey, Peach.” His southern drawl is a lot thicker than Kelley’s; Kelley’s only really comes out after her parents have allowed her to have a glass of wine at dinner. Even then it’s pretty weak, but she likes to exaggerate it. 

“Hey, Plum,” she says clearing a space for him next to her. David can tell Kelley’s not in the mood for a whole lot of talk so he sits there quietly helping her fold clothes and put them into suitcases. 

In a way it feels like the end of an era; no more late summer nights of sneaking around and drinking coolers in the abandoned boathouse by the edge of the lake behind the O’Hara residence, no more mason jars of warm apple cider and cinnamon sticks waiting for them on the kitchen counter in the winter, and most importantly for Kelley, no more fancy black tie events where David totes her around like an accessory.

It’s not entirely his fault; she knows that, both of their parents are just eager to start some blossoming fairytale romance between them.

It’s a relief more than anything.

“So college next week, huh?” Kelley breaks the silence. It suddenly feels so surreal and a tad overwhelming.

“Time flies, don’t it?” David reaches for the purple sash that hangs on the back of Kelley’s chair- _Starr’s Mill High School Prom Queen 2006_ it reads. 

“Yeah, seems like I met you just yesterday at that lame cotillion,” Kelley teases, snatching the sash away from him. She only kept it because he had told her to, even if he doesn’t have a matching prom king one.

“It wasn’t that lame. If you hadn’t gone, I’d have never met you.”

“No, you’re right,” Kelley agrees, “Prom was lamer.”

David rolls his eyes through a smile. Kelley’s sarcastic and carefree attitude has always been one of her biggest charms. It’s just so uncharacteristic for the likes a debutante (Kelley will forever wince at the word) that it somehow works. It’s kept David on his toes. 

“I promise the distance won’t hurt us,” he says, his eyes hopeful and genuine. His plea for Kelley to stay home had also gone unrequited. Kelley says nothing for a moment, unable to meet his gaze. The air gets thicker.

“Listen, David,” she finally says softly, her eyes are questioning. Recognition washes over him, as if he can tell what Kelley’s about to say. “I think that maybe there shouldn’t be an ‘us’ while we’re apart.”

“I- I don’t understand. Why?”

“Don’t you think that’ll get really complicated? How are we possibly going to find time for each other?”

“Dad is getting me a MacBook. We can video chat, we can text. You’ll be home for the holidays, I can visit you on some weekends. You know that the money isn’t an issue.”

Kelley sighs. The money _is_ an issue though. Somehow, it always comes back to that. Whether or not David has been doing it consciously, he’s been trying to buy Kelley’s affection from the start with expensive presents among other things and she hates it. What on earth is she supposed to do with a five hundred dollar diamond encrusted purse? She’s certainly not about to tote it around in public. 

“I just don’t want there to be an ‘us’ right now. I wanna to go college as a free person and just, you know, _be_ free.”

“You can still be free and be with me.” There’s a slight panic edging into David’s tone, his demeanor visibly shaken. “It’s not like I’ve ever kept you on a chain.”

“It’s not about that.”

“So you want to see other people, then.” David says. Kelley puts her hand on his knee then removes it.

“No, David, I just- “ She’s trying to not let her irritation show but she isn’t succeeding. “We can still talk and stuff, like, I’ll always care about you, but I really need this break. I can’t be committed right now. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

David shakes his head. The sadness in his eyes turns into disappointment. As a weight settles onto his shoulders, one lifts off of Kelley’s.

“Okay, Peach.” David’s voice is a whisper and his jaw in clenched. He knows Kelley well enough to know that there isn’t any point in fighting. “Whenever you decide you’ve had enough of your break, I’ll be waiting.” He places one firm kiss on Kelley’s forehead and exits the room before she can say anything else.

Kelley listens to him trail down the stairs and exchange a few words with her parents. There are faint “oh nos,” and “I’m sorrys,” and then the front door opens and closes.

* * *

 

_September 2006,  
_ _New York City, New York//_

New York City is a whirlwind of excitement from the moment Kelley steps off the plane. It’s a whole other world and despite what she thought she knew about it, she really knows nothing. The city looks the same as the pictures, except it’s is alive with a certain, unique kind of electrifying vigor and that’s how she knows she’s in the right place.

It’s definitely not small town Georgia.

Kelley is lucky to have Erin with her during her first week, staying at a close by hotel to help with the transitions and the moving. She’s mostly thankful for Erin’s map reading and navigational skills because already, in a city that’s laid out like a grid, Kelley has managed to get them lost. 

It still feels like summer in early September, sunshine peaking through the skyscrapers, warm breezes, and pockets of the stagnant stench of hot garbage. Kelley doesn’t mind; living next to a lake during scorching Georgia summers has trained her nose well.

The promise of autumn and a real snowfall are what keeps her spirits up, excited and waiting. She doesn’t bring an entire suitcase full of scarves, beanies, and boots for nothing.

The hardest part is getting used to the people. There are just so _many_ and no one ever really takes the time to smile or make eye contact.

On the first Monday, Kelley, too caught up in a conversation with her sister, accidentally walks into a man on the street. She apologizes, but he grumbles and trudges away. 

On Tuesday, she smiles at the woman next to her waiting for the train, but is immediately given the cold shoulder.

On Wednesday, an old man angrily huffs and puffs around her because she’s walking too slow.

By Friday, she’s already been conditioned. Kelley walks with her eyes downcast to the cement, muttering some useless information to Erin as she bumps into a woman, a mix of red high heels and a glimpse of a small wrist tattoo flash by her. She doesn’t even bother to look up and apologize before a faint “sorry” trails away with the woman.

“You’ll get used to it,” Erin says.

“Already am,” Kelley confirms.

-

 

Erin leaves on the Sunday, two days before the start of Kelley’s classes. The goodbye is bittersweet, a few shed tears between the sisters and then Kelley is own her own.

It’s nerve-wracking and a little bit scary, but she’s been preparing for this for months.

That aside, Kelley settles in nicely. She was fortunate to hit it off with her roommate, Sydney as easily as she did; she’s already shown Kelley thirty minutes worth of pictures of her dog, Boss.

“Is that a rat?” Kelley had said feigning disgust, to which Sydney had threatened to switch rooms or have Kelley thrown out if she didn’t drop that attitude.

Their dorm is bland and lifeless, but they’re each quick to make a home out of their halves; Kelley tacking pictures of her friends and family to the pale walls, and organizing her closet space in the best and only way she knows how- just shove everything in there; and Sydney with an impeccably organized dresser and a singular picture of Boss and her mom taped to the wall next to her pillow.

Kelley has a framed picture of her and David from the Christmas Cotillion, dressed to nines, that she refuses to put on display (she’s not even sure why she brought it) and it made Sydney laugh hysterically the first time she saw it because they’ve been living together for a week and a half already, and she’s only ever seen Kelley in pants that have an elastic waistband and hair in messy haphazard buns.

-

 

“David, I have to go, okay…no…another time…yes, fine…okay, goodbye.”

Kelley hangs up the phone and flops face down into her pillow. She lets out a long, frustrated groan before rolling onto her back. David has called every night for the past week and always at the worst times. When he does, he never really has much of importance to talk about anyways. Usually just “I miss you” and “you’ll never guess what Jerry did today,” except Kelley is never far off from her guesses because her brother is as predictable as a clock.

Today was “Jerry hopped a fence and ripped his pants.” 

“Why don’t you just breakup with him _for real_ if he makes you so miserable?” Sydney says from her bed, lowering her book to nose level. She’s a good sport for putting up with Kelley’s boy struggles and Kelley’s grateful she hasn’t built a wall between their beds yet. 

“It’s not that he makes me _totally_ miserable, he’s just so intense and way ahead of me.” 

“So tell him to slow down.” 

“He’s on cruise control. Besides, it’s complicated.”

Syd rolls onto her side to face Kelley. “I mean, for me, it’s either you like him or you don’t. There are tons more people in New York that could be worth your time.” 

Syd is right and Kelley knows that. She’s young; a blossoming flower in a giant garden of a city. There’s no way David could possibly be it. And it’s like Syd can read Kelley’s mind because what she says next sums up everything Kelley’s been feeling. 

“I can understand if you’re scared, but just because he was the first person to make you feel a certain way, it doesn’t mean he’s going to be the last. You just need to put yourself out there.” 

Kelley groans again and covers her eyes with her arm. “I don’t remember checking ‘therapist’ on the roommate request form.” 

Syd shrugs, shifting her eyes back to her book. She’s smug, but also sympathetic. If Kelley doesn’t want to talk about it, she isn’t going to force her. 

“Early morning tomorrow?” Syd asks.

“Yeah,” Kelley says, slipping under her covers. “Six o’clock.”

-

 

The week comes and goes quickly. Kelley manages to make it to most of her classes on time with the exception of getting lost only twice, which in her books is a success. She befriends two girls, Tobin and Ashlyn, who are in her chemistry class and are also coincidentally roommates and live on the same floor as her and Syd. All four of them make for an interesting group of friends, each one of them quirky in their own right.

It’s nice, a refreshing change from how uptight and serious Kelley’s friends were back home.

Tobin especially. She’s so laid back and unfazed by everything and Kelley really loves her for that; her company is great, but not overwhelming. Ashlyn is the complete opposite. Wild and crazy, a little bit in your face, but in a way that makes her warm and approachable. It makes so much sense that her and Tobin would along the way they do. It’s the perfect balance.

As for Kelley and Sydney?

Well, Sydney is like the second sister Kelley never had.


	2. Chapter 1: The Picture on the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York City is a city for dreamers and Kelley feels like she's sleepwalking.

The scent of stale coffee, cheap deodorant, and sleep deprivation is one that riddles many of the libraries on campus, especially the one that Kelley and Tobin are sitting in right now. Unlike the libraries in small town Georgia, this one is cold, vast, and unwelcoming. The students are lifeless and dull – no smiling allowed; and Mrs. Librarian with her salt and pepper curly hair, tweed skirt suit, and thick rimmed glasses stands behind the long wooden counter with only disdain written across her face.

Only scattered quiet murmurs and the shuffling of papers and chairs fill the room.

“So how’s that photography class going?”

Tobin reaches across the library table for Kelley’s camera. She snaps a quick photo of nothing in particular and the brightness of the flash elicits death glares almost everybody, but especially the guy with his hood pulled over his head sitting at the adjacent table. Kelley rolls her eyes at him and Tobin pays no mind to it. 

The short answer is that Kelley regrets it. She had needed an elective and photography was the only class that sounded the least boring. Now she’s realizing how time consuming it’s going to be and she still doesn’t understand f-stops and ISO speeds. On top of that, she hates that she has to lug around not one, but _two_ cameras; a digital one and a film one because she thought she’d be ambitious and take _Photography 120_ instead of _Photography 101._

“Not bad,” she lies. “Professor G is a cool guy so that helps.”

Tobin plays with the buttons on the digital one, accidentally setting off a succession of rapid-fire shutter clicks. The guy next to them leaves disgruntledly and Tobin and Kelley exchange a glance of silent triumph, but not before Mrs. Librarian clears her throat. 

“They say photography captures the soul so you be careful with this thing,” Tobin says, still fiddling with the settings.

“I don’t know who _they_ are, but send my apologies to several hotdog vendors, a squirrel, and Ashlyn’s butt, then.” 

They both giggle. 

Kelley checks the time and frowns. At the very least she shouldn’t have signed up for that intramural soccer league with the girls, but she also needs a way to stay active.

“Anyways,” she says reluctantly shoving her things back into her backpack, “I have an appointment to meet with Professor G. I’ll see ya tonight.” 

Tobin nods coolly and points a finger gun at Kelley who barely makes it ten feet before she jogs back.

“At least this time you were still in the building,” Tobin teases, holding up Kelley’s forgotten camera.

-

  

It only takes Kelley one missed turn to find the Arts Office Building.

Cool air circulates throughout the lobby; the white tiled floors and ceramic walls make her feel like she’s in some nineties music video and a boy band is about to descend from the ceiling and start dancing around her. She takes a quick moment to collect herself and work up the will power to take the stairs.

However, laziness prevails.

The elevator doors slide shut and Kelley leans her shoulder into the wall, jamming her finger onto the number three. She breathes. _Just ask your question, then leave._

Before she can even catch her breath, the doors reopen. With her bags weighing on her shoulders and her shoelace perpetually coming untied, she follows the signs that point in the direction of Professor G’s office through a maze of static hallways until she gets to the very last room.

She knocks once and a deep “come in, it’s open,” echoes through the foggy glass door. 

“Hi, sir,” Kelley pushes her way in. 

“Hey, Kelley,” Professor G motions to the chairs opposite his desk. “I don’t believe in formality outside the classroom. Call me Adrian.”

“Okay, Adrian.” 

Kelley is distracted by the extravagance of his office, if it can even be called that. It looks like a freaking studio. White walls to match the ones downstairs; black and white, colour, digital, and film photographs lining the walls; lights, tripods. It’s impressive. 

“This is your _office?_ ”

“Office. Studio. Office-studio. Yeah, this is my home away from home.”

“Wow.” 

Adrian smiles. He looks a lot younger up close, late twenties, early thirties. The scruff of his beard makes it hard to really tell, but there’s youth in his eyes and in the way he talks. It puts Kelley at ease. 

“So, what’s up? Your email sounded urgent. Lose a lens cap already?”

“Actually, almost the entire camera, but that’s neither here nor there. I wanted to ask you a few questions.” Kelley pulls out a full-page list from her backpack- they mostly pertain to the syllabus. Adrian eyes her amusedly. “How much time do you have?” 

-

 

“Anyways, and that’s when I bought my first SLR camera and I fell in love with it.”

Adrian is just the way he is in class; he digresses very easily. He’s answered all of Kelley’s questions, but not before telling her stories in between each. They’re all very interesting, sort of- she particularly enjoys the one about the monkey in Thailand stealing his tripod, but her eyes keep wandering to the artwork on the walls.

“Have a look around,” Adrian finally says, “maybe you’ll find some inspiration for a future assignment.”

Kelley starts by the window and makes her way right. She stops in front of the photograph that caught her eye from the get go, a woman sitting under a tree and laughing carelessly and candidly. It initially struck her because the background reminded her of home – foresty, lots of green leaves, the way the sunshine filters through them leaving white rays – but then there was something about the woman, specifically the blue in her eyes that drew her full attention.

“Who’s this?” 

“If I had a nickel for every time someone asked about that one. That’s Hope, my girlfriend.” 

“She’s very pretty.” 

“I think so too,” Adrian says, leaving the confines of his desk. He perches himself against the windowsill and sticks his hands into his pockets. “Hey listen, how do you feel about earning some extra credit?”

Kelley turns and looks at him apprehensively. It sounds like a suggestive proposition and she irrationally eyes the distance to the door in case she needs to make a quick getaway. She gives him her attention anyways.

“I’m not asking for much. A friend of mine is opening a new art gallery in SoHo not even ten minutes from here and she’s displaying some of my work. She’s holding a week long launch party before the grand opening and she needs a few people to help with the set up this Saturday and then clean up the following weekend. I’ll be there of course.”

Okay, so Kelley was a little hasty in her judgments. She diverts her attention back to the photos on the wall. She likes the black and white one of the street lamp in the rain. 

“What kind of extra credit are we talking about?”

“I’ll lessen the weight of your final assignment from thirty-five percent to twenty and replace the missing fifteen with this event, and you’ll get an exclusive invite to the first night of the launch party and you can bring a guest.” Adrian’s promise is warm, his hands turned up. “You need to wear minor’s wristband, though.”

“Who says I’m not twenty-one?” Kelley quirks an accusatory eyebrow and Adrian quirks one right back.

“Oh. Are you?” 

“No.” 

Adrian laughs. 

Kelley takes a minute to think it over. She really shouldn’t, she just doesn’t have the time. It could be a good way to meet people outside of the university though, and she’s pretty sure she could talk Syd into being her plus one.

“Okay,” Kelley says, extending her hand, “you have a deal.” 

* * *

 

**erin:** david’s here. again. he’s spending too much time with jer and getting on my nerves. i think maybe they’re dating each other.

**kelley:** now do u see why i needed a break? 

**erin:** dad’s boner for him is getting a little out of hand

**kelley:** for jer or david? 

**erin:** KELLEY.

* * *

 

Waking up on Saturday morning is a struggle. 

Google Maps tells Kelley that the art gallery is only eight walking minutes away, but with her track record she leaves twenty minutes earlier just to be safe. Along the way she takes the time to really take in her surroundings. 

She can already tell the difference between locals and tourists just by the way they walk, if not readily given away by maps and cameras; and she can almost already predict the sort of encounter she going to have with someone before anyone actually speaks. It’s all part of the city’s charm, she tells herself. 

And New York City is a city for dreamers and it feels like she’s sleepwalking. Tall buildings, bright lights, endless opportunities; it’s hard to believe she’s really living here. She thanks the graces of her good grades – all those high school years trying to balance a social life with her schoolwork, but letting the schoolwork always take priority – for making it possible. Mostly she thanks the college trust fund built by her parents. 

For once, Kelley doesn’t get lost.

Wedged in between a small dress boutique and a bookstore, the door to the gallery-to-be chimes as it opens. So far, it's just a large, open room with white walls. Kelley stands awkwardly by the entrance, thumbs hooked into her belt loops, with two other guys she recognizes from her class. Henry and another name she can’t remember. James or John. Maybe Jack. They both look disinterested in talking, just like they do in class. Kelley smiles politely anyways, stepping out of the way of two huge men carrying what looks like pieces of a sound system.

“Hey! You guys made it.” Adrian is delighted as he rounds the corner out of an _authorized personnel_ door.

He briefly introduces the three of them (turns out his name is Jake) to his friend, Abby, whose presence is slightly overwhelming at this hour in the morning. Her voice booms and she flips her hair in a similar fashion to the way David did and it’s highly unsettling. She seems nice, but doesn’t really look like the type to open an art gallery. Kelley knows better than to judge, though. 

Uncomfortable small talk is exchanged before different responsibilities are delegated. Kelley is given the thrilling task of hanging and nailing picture frames to the walls and making sure they are perfectly level. It’s tedious, but at least she gets to admire the artwork as she does it. And it's all digital photography; there's an underlying theme hidden in all of them- something about them makes Kelley "ache" in a way, as if the photos are all metaphors for heartbreak or loss. It's a depressing thought for a Saturday morning.

The day drags on. Kelley tries to talk to Henry, but he really can’t be bothered. He looks as if he’d rather be anywhere but here, again kind of like he does in class. Kelley shrugs it off and returns to monotonously hammering nails into the wall. _Just two more hours._ She’s so absorbed into her task that everything around her turns into white noise. 

She goes about her business until the front door rings open and something catches her attention from her peripheral. A tall female figure walks past her. 

A double take has to be done because she looks so familiar. Kelley stares for a moment, thinking, but it’s not until the woman turns and she catches her face from the front that she recognizes her as the woman from the photo in Adrian’s office; it’s Hope.

Her legs are long, her strides are with purpose and Kelley’s highly suppressed attraction to women begins bubbling at the surface. And it’s not the casual kind of attraction that most girls have to other girls, like Erin’s weird thing for Drew Barrymore. This is the kind that coming from a family as religious as her, she feels the need to hide. 

Hope approaches Adrian, who smiles warmly. They exchange some casual words that Kelley can’t hear and then Abby joins in, giving Hope a warm embrace. They laugh, they smile, Hope lays a flirtatious hand on Adrian’s arm. Even Abby’s too. It’s all very civil.

Kelley doesn’t realize she’s watching until she nearly nails her finger to the wall. She places the hammer onto the floor before she can do more damage in exchange for the water bottle next to her. By the time she’s uncapped the lid, taken a sip, and recapped it, Hope is walking past her again and out the door.

-

  

Adrian unfortunately follows through on his promise of two minor’s wristbands for Kelley. She still accepts them graciously. This will be the first party Kelley goes to where her dress doesn’t have to meet the approval of her mom or where she’s not obligated to be someone’s arm candy.

It’ll be her first big city experience.

-

  

Ashlyn is lying on the grass with her eyes closed listening to music while Tobin juggles a hacky sack in the courtyard of their building when Kelley gets back. 

“Hey dude,” Tobin says, a subtle upward head tilt towards Kelley. She kicks the hacky sack in her direction, but Kelley’s not ready and she misses, the projectile hitting Ashlyn in the head.

“Damn it, Tobin.” Ashlyn opens her eyes and yanks out her headphones. “Oh, sup Peach. Where’ve you been all day? Making secret phone calls to your weird boyfriend?”

Kelley rolls her eyes. “No, and don’t call me that.” 

Ashlyn sits up and throws the hacky sack at Kelley. “ _Peach_.” She taunts. This time Kelley catches it and whips it back at her. It ricochets off of her shoulder and Tobin catches it on her foot. All three of them start laughing.

-

 

Kelley has always cleaned up nice. 

Going from casual tomboy to pretentious debutante is an unfortunate second nature. Tonight she does that, but with far less flare and frills. She forgoes the sweatpants and t-shirt for a purple, snug fitting dress, the one that really showcases her teenage boy physique; and black high heels. Her hair is simple, but done with purpose and not shoved into messy bun with odds and ends sticking out. Her make-up is subtle, but thoughtful; like she’s trying without actually trying. 

The transformation still surprises Sydney.

-

 

“Dude, slow down.” 

The pavement is uneven and Kelley struggles to keep up with Syd who overdramatically reduces her pace. Her white dress looks killer and it’s hard to not stare at the way it hugs her curves and emphasizes her freakishly long legs.

“If I go any slower I might as well walk backwards,” Syd says. “I thought you knew how to walk in heels?”

Kelley loops her arm through Syd’s for balance. Eight months of living a dreadful high society life with David have (somewhat) quickly trained Kelley how to walk and even run in in them, but it doesn’t mean she was very good at it. Often she found herself in this exact position, having to cling to him for support.

“I do, kind of. I just hate it. No one walks in heels for fun. My feet already hurt.”

“So why’d you wear them?”

“I don’t need you looking like some giant next to me.”

“Well don’t expect me to carry you home tonight.” 

-

  

Kelley and Syd almost don’t get let into the gallery because Adrian had forgotten to add their names to the guest list. Luckily, Abby recognizes Kelley from the other side of the barrier and waves them both in.

This is the kind of party Kelley has never been to, but always wanted to. The music is loud, but not so that she can’t have a normal conversation, the people are young and free, and there’s free food everywhere. She’s also never seen a room full of so many beards, weird mustaches, and suspenders before.

“Hipsters,” Syd mutters like it’s offensive.

Kelley’s caught up in watching the way her dress shimmers under the lighting that she doesn’t notice Adrian walking towards her until he’s right in front of her. 

“Hey,” he smiles, opening his arms for a hug, “I heard about the door confusion. Sorry about that.”

Kelley smiles back. It feels weird to be hugging her professor but then remembers he doesn’t believe in formality. He smells of cologne and aftershave, the latter of which David had never used or even needed to.

“No worries,” she says. “Thanks for the invite. This is my roommate Sydney, by the way.”

“Hi,” Syd sticks out her hand, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Adrian says, shaking her hand. Kelley almost laughs when she sees the subtle blush creep into Syd’s cheeks. “Anyways, I’m happy you made it. Have fun, look around, socialize, eat to your hearts content. Glad to see you’re wearing those wristbands,” he winks.

“Yeah, it’s a great way to let everyone know we’re children,” Kelley says. Adrian squeezes her shoulder, shoots a smile at Syd, and then politely excuses himself.

“You didn’t tell me he was such a babe,” Syd says, eyes trailing after him.

Kelley swats her in the arm and cringes. “Please don’t hit on him. He’s my professor and he isn’t single.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t look.”

Kelley just shakes her head.

-

 

_[Two missed calls from David.]_

**david:** peach where r u?

**david:** call me back i miss u.

-

  

Syd is the true definition of what a social butterfly is. They’ve only just gotten here and already she’s made several friends. Kelley watches in awe of just how easy it is for her to slip in and out of conversations like it’s her job. And it isn’t like Kelley isn’t a flirt or smooth talker either, but this is definitely like no party she’s ever been to.

They get separated.

Syd mingles amidst a group of young, attractive men; Kelley gravitates towards the food. Earlier warnings to eat more dinner had gone unheeded. That is, if chips and root beer can even be classified as a meal. Kelley’s mom would surely be disappointed, but such is a college diet.

Everything is mostly hor d’ourves and other tiny finger foods. Then the lights dim for a more intimate atmosphere and it makes it that much harder for Kelley to differentiate between what’s what. Not that she cares. Food is food, but she still stares at it quizzically.

She’s too engrossed in surveying her options and making sure she doesn’t fall over from the pain her feet are in that she doesn’t notice that there’s someone in front of her on the opposite side of the table. When she finally looks up, she’s surprised and a little taken to see Hope. Her hair is different from this afternoon, down and wavy, but it’s undeniably her. No one else has a jawline like that.

-

  

Hope pokes around the food just as puzzled as Kelley is until she feels the pair of eyes on her. When she looks up, her expression tight and sharp, and she’s staring into these light eyes that are only accentuated by the surrounding freckles. She studies the face in front of her then musters a small polite smile.

Kelley is caught in her gaze like a deer in headlights. She manages to smile back, but quickly flickers her eyes back down. Hope watches her reach for a mini quiche and place it onto her napkin then eye another pastry with confusion.

“I think that’s spinach.” 

The voice comes from Hope and Kelley redirects her attention again, this time more confidently. She’s not expecting Hope’s voice to sound the way it does, so soft and gentle, considering she kind of looks like she has this natural ability to destroy someone if they ever crossed her.

“I’m more interested in whatever that thing is.” Kelley points towards a triangular shaped pastry.                                                                                              

“Maybe you should try it.” 

It sounds like a challenge and Kelley can’t tell if it’s laced with irritation or curiosity, but now she feels weirdly obligated to take it so she does and places it on her napkin. She smiles again and almost walks away when Hope’s voice draws her in to stay.

“I figured you were going to eat that here and tell me what that was, but okay.”

Kelley stops in place and Hope watches her face colour a light shade of pink. 

“Oh, I can do that.”

Kelley contemplates sticking the whole thing in her mouth, but then opts for just a bite. There’s no need to embarrass herself in front of this really attractive woman she’s just met. 

It’s chewy and sweet and not what she was hoping for. 

“Um,” she hums after a moment, “I can’t tell you what that was, but I can tell you it was sort of gross.”

“That’s unfortunate. Sorry to put you through that.”

“Always here to help.”

Kelley is expecting Hope to walk away, so she absently shoves another pastry that she knows will taste good into her mouth. Instead, Hope is looking at her like she’s trying to figure something out. She gives Kelley a once over, not shy in disguising the trail her eyes take then she squints a little.

“Did I see you here this afternoon?”

Kelley is mid chew and forces herself to swallow before speaking. 

“Possibly?” she says coyly, unaware that Hope had actually noticed her and on top of that remembered her.

“Yeah, you were hanging picture frames weren’t you?”

“That would be me.” 

“You guys did a nice job of setting up.” 

“I just did what I was told, but thanks.”

Hope smiles, sort of, like she’s _still_ trying to figure something out. She stares at Kelley with this blend of wary amuse, who briefly averts her to attention to Syd, who is motioning at her from a crowd behind Hope to join her. Then Kelley flickers her eyes back to Hope and that’s when Hope reaches her hand across the table. 

“I’m- “ 

“Hope, right?” The words are out of Kelley’s mouth before she can even stop herself and she’s reaching for Hope’s hand. Kelley’s face is definitely red now and she might be silently choking on a sliver of phyllo crust. Hope tilts her head. 

“How’d you know?” 

“Oh.” _Crap._  “Um, your photo is hanging in Adrian’s office.”

“Ah, right,” Hope nods knowingly, still holding Kelley’s hand awkwardly across the table. “And you are?” 

“Kelley.” 

They shake once firmly before letting go. Kelley catches a glimpse of a wrist tattoo she’s pretty sure she’s seen somewhere before. Then she breathes a sigh of relief that she hasn’t made a _total_ fool of herself. Yet.

“You’re very photogenic.”

“Thank you.” Hope seems grateful for the compliment, holding Kelley’s gaze. “So you’re one of Adrian’s students, then?” 

“Yep. Just helping out for some extra credit and an invite.” 

“How studious of you.” 

“The most.” 

“You came alone?”

“My roommate is here somewhere.” Kelley scans the crowd and Syd has drifted further into it, talking to an older gentleman. She points her out to Hope.

“Oh, Sydney? I just bumped into her. Quite the talker.” 

“Try living with her.” 

Hope quirks a smile. “I’d offer to get you a drink, but…” she eyes Kelley’s wristband. “You don’t look under twenty-one.” 

Kelley laughs, shocked. “That’s a first.” She shoves another hor d’ourve into her mouth as ladylike as possible. Her mother would cringe, but she’s just so hungry. She tries to ignore the way she’s still being looked at, but now she’s noticing just how deep the v-neck on Hope’s dress cuts.

“You don’t look over…twenty five,” Kelley says hesitantly at first, but then with confidence. 

“Impressive.”

“So do you know Abby too, then?” 

Hope nods. “I model for her occasionally. Just here for support and free food and drinks.”

“Priorities.”

Hope finally laughs and Kelley feels like she’s made the world’s tiniest conquest.

“I can still get you that drink if you want,” Hope offers, “it can be our secret.”

“You know, I could really use one and on any other occasion I’d say yes, but probably not the best idea with Adrian around.”

“You’re a good kid,” Hope says, picking up her napkin of food, “next time, then.” 

“Can I hold you to that?”

Hope winks. Just like that, their conversation is finally over and she disperses into the crowd, leaving an air of mystery trailing with her. Kelley shovels more food into her mouth like it no one’s business and watches her walk away, her red high heels popping in the darkness. It’s in that moment she finally puts two and two together.

This is not their first encounter.

-

 

The night comes to an end when it’s Syd who complains first that her feet hurt. Kelley wants to be smug and say “I win,” but she’ll bite her tongue for another day when it really counts.

She’s made some friends, but no one she’ll probably go out of her way to stay in touch with and she isn’t surprised at all that she hasn’t seen Henry or Jake. She had been hoping she’d get a chance to talk to Hope again, but she’s been surrounded by a group of people all night and Kelley’s not even sure what’d she say anyways.

It’s not until they’re just on their way out the door maneuvering through a crowd of people that Kelley feels a light hand on her elbow. She turns and follows the arm up until she’s looking at Hope. Kelley might be blushing, but it’s too dark to tell. Syd waits impatiently holding onto her hand.

“Hey, it was nice meeting you, Kelley,” Hope says and then she quickly notices Syd. “And you too, Sydney.”

Syd tries for a smile, but it comes off more as a grimace with the pain from her feet bright in her eyes.

“It was nice meeting you too.” Kelley smiles shyly, but then Syd is pulling her out the door and Hope is waving at Kelley through the window.

-

  

“Adrian’s girlfriend is a smoke show,” Syd says, her feet dragging laboriously across the pavement. She throws an arm around Kelley’s shoulder and uses her for support. “No wonder you were flirting with her.”

They stop at a red light and Kelley cocks her head at Syd, feeling some warmth spread into her face. She wiggles out from under Syd’s arm.

“I was not flirting with her.”

“Looked like flirting to me.” 

“There’s this thing called being friendly. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

The light turns green and Syd puts her arm back around Kelley. Syd is nonchalant and unaffected by it, but Kelley wonders if maybe she had been (unintentionally) flirting with Hope. She’s already somewhat addressed the idea that she finds Hope attractive in a way that’s _different,_ but she’s only ever overtly flirted with men.

Anything else is just Kelley being Kelley.

“I’m just saying. Looked like you were having a good time.”

“She was nice. A little bit scary, but nice.”

Syd continues to limp alongside Kelley, occasionally grunting in pain. She seems to have already forgotten about the conversation until Kelley adds:

“Even if I was flirting, which I wasn’t, I’d pick someone who was, you know, single…” she wants to say “and male” but she finishes her sentence there.

“You could start with me,” Syd says, “and offer to carry me home because _fuck_ my feet hurt.” 

Kelley snorts, peeling Syd’s arm off of her. 

“Keep on dreaming.”

 


	3. Chapter 2: Little Bodies in Big Cities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...it’s kind of hard to forget about a presence like Hope; her eyes so blue and commanding..."

“Heads up!” 

Kelley takes a running start, launches her foot at the soccer ball and sends it rocketing thirty yards out towards the goal only to have it smash off the crossbar and rebound back to her. 

The smell of the synthetic material mixed in with dirt, grass, and sweat is one of her favourites. It’s the one part of her life that never fit in with the ball gowns and tea parties and it reminds her of home. It’s all the after school practices and coming home laden in grass stains and bruised knees, it’s the one time she donned a beautiful shiner of a black eye, which had her mom threatening to pull her from sports forever, and simply it was pushing herself to her limits and fighting just to prove she was better than the boys because she was.

Kelley lines the ball up and tries again a little closer this time, aware that the rest of the intramural team is filtering onto the pitch and watching her. Her gaze is trained on the upper left corner, she fakes a step and this time when her laces make contact with the ball, she drills it to the bottom right leaving Ashlyn sprawled out on the grass looking behind her. The ball spins complacently in the corner of the net and Kelley throws her arms up. 

It’s scruffy, it’s release, and it’s instinctual. 

It makes her feel alive. 

* * *

  

“Tobin, pleaseee?”

Kelley pouts and looks at her friend through wide eyes, the scaffolding they trail beneath leaking with this mornings earlier rain shower. It’s an act that might have worked on anybody else, but Tobin is a little bit more resistant. Tobin slips her sunglasses on and looks ahead, focusing on the approaching traffic light.

“Man, I don’t know. You want me to _model?_ ” Tobin is a supermodel in her own right, as Kelley had so persuasively put it. She has these fantastic features that will photograph great, but Tobin in typical Tobin fashion is far too modest and indifferent to be in such a spotlight.

“Not like a full body photo shoot. I just need to take a few portrait photos for this dumb assignment. It’ll take like an hour, tops. You can pick the day.”

Tobin lets out a contemplative breath; one that she does so often that Kelley knows she’ll eventually say yes. They round the corner, weaving through a large Japanese tour group and finally reach the pizzeria they’ve been looking for. It’s nestled inconspicuously beside a small record shop – the window is mucky and the planters on the sill grow intermittently; some dead, some blooming with too much colour. Kelley holds the door open for Tobin and the smell of pizza hits them both like a ton of delicious, cheesy bricks. 

“Why can’t you ask Syd or Ash?” Tobin asks. “They’re hot. Or that dude who lives on the second floor. Peter, or whatever. He’s _really_ hot.” 

“I have to see those fools enough as it is. I also don’t need to inflate Ash’s ego more than it already is. And I don’t even know Peter. Please Tobs?”

A man with an impressive handlebar mustache appears behind the counter and smiles waiting to take their order. Tobin smiles back, then turns her grin towards Kelley, ushering her forward.

“Fine, but lunch is on you, then.”

-

 

Chemistry class lets out early and Kelley has the rest of the day to herself. Tobin and Ashlyn ask if she wants to join them at the gym, but she declines, feigning tiredness. Instead, she decides she’s going to go to Central Park even though she’s been advised it’s almost an hour away on foot.

Kelley brings her camera and takes the Avenue of Americas from West 8th Street all the way up to West 59th. She takes her time, in no particular rush. Along the way she stops at Greeley Square and Herald Square to take a few pictures. Adrian’s lesson about the _Rule of Thirds_ resonates and she does her best to emulate what he’s taught her- _the subject should never be the centre of the photo._

She forgoes Bryant Park and the New York Public Library for another day and walks almost fifteen more blocks, immersing herself in the hustle and bustle of the city until she reaches Radio City Music Hall. 

It’s not much in the daytime, the neon lights a little lackluster. Still, the sight of it is a quiet, internal moment of victory. Something to check off her bucket list. She’s only ever seen it in pictures and has only dreamt of being inside. Now it stands in the flesh right before her. She snaps a few photos, careful to not get in the way of any hasty New Yorkers. 

 

**kelley:** radio fucking city

**erin:** are you there?!

**kelley:** only outside but i’m so coming back one day

**erin:** damn. living the dream already huh?

-

  

Kelley spends the next hour or so aimlessly wandering around Central Park, getting lost on purpose, and taking more pictures. Seemingly unending paths of green trees and bridges upon bridges guide her along- it’s just like the movies, only better. Kids are feeding ducks in the pond and she remembers the time when an angry swan chased her and Jerry as kids. She’s still a little mentally scarred.

There’s so much to look at and so much do that it’s easy for her to lose herself out here, to forget about reality for a while. It’s something she hasn’t realized she’s even needed to do. Everything has been such a rush of excitement since she’s gotten here that there's been no time for herself. Especially when on her downtime she’s busy trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with David.

A gentle breeze wafts through the trees ruffling her hair, and it picks up a familiar scent, one she associates with home and suddenly she’s feeling homesick.

Kelley doesn’t necessarily hate where she’s come from. The high society, the life of wealth and affluence. It’s hard to complain when she’s been so fortunate, but the whole charade of it all was never _her._ It was just so tiresome and materialistic. It did however teach her a lot of things she’s glad she knows, the most important: confidence. 

The whole lifestyle is a small part of her whether or not she likes it and although there’s no place like home, there’s just something about being this insignificant nobody in a huge city that is so oddly liberating and exhilarating.  

It’s a chance for her to make her own rules, live by her own standards, and just be free like she wanted.

Here, miles away from everything that she’s known, she can be whoever the hell she wants to be. 

* * *

  

Kelley’s late.

She hadn’t remembered to set her alarm and her eyes spring open just in the nick of time to see that she needs to be at Abby’s art gallery in less than twenty-five minutes and she’s far from ready. Her phone is lying on her bed next to her face with a half written text message to David still blinking in the text box.

On the adjacent bed, Sydney is snoring like a lawnmower.

As usual, Kelley’s hair is a curly, frizzy mess so she throws it into a quick ponytail, sprints to the bathroom (the only upside to being up this early on a Saturday is that the bathroom is empty), sprints back to her room, changes, steals a granola bar from a sleeping Syd’s stash and is out the door.

It’s breezy, but the sun is already glaring. She jogs lightly to the gallery, the soles of her runners kissing and scraping along the pavement, the gentle bead of sweat that forms at her hairline. It wakes her up, gets her heart pumping. 

She makes it with four minutes to spare so she takes a quick lap around the block once more before entering the gallery.

There isn’t all too much to do today, fortunately. 

As the day progresses, more and more people start to leave. By the final hour it’s just Kelley, a few tech guys, and a girl with a scary tall Mohawk that wasn’t here last week. Abby keeps popping in and out of the back door.

The prints stay up on the wall, though moved around slightly. Kelley’s busy folding stackable tables, mind at ease, just making mental reminders of all the things she needs to do this weekend like laundry and call her parents. It’s riveting, really. 

She’s just about finished when a draft from the front door hits her in the back and she peeks around to see who it is.

 

It’s Hope.

 

Her hair is drawn into a tight ponytail and her face is focused; brows furrowed, eyes trained on some invisible target. Altogether it’s intimidating, but the confidence she exudes is something to be desired.

It’s seems like it was longer than a week ago that Kelley last saw her, but it’s kind of hard to forget about a presence like Hope; her eyes so blue and commanding that they left a lasting impression on Kelley.

Then there’s the whole seeing Adrian twice a week thing. They don’t ever talk about anything personal and Kelley has only ever had that one conversation with Hope, but she can’t help but find it odd that she’s with someone like Adrian.

He’s so- so _Adrian._

Once again, Kelley doesn’t realize she’s staring until she has to pretend like she wasn’t.

Moments later, there’s a voice behind her.

“You know, if you stack the tables back to back, you can fit more.”

Kelley cranes her head around, feigning surprise at Hope who is half smiling at her, hands in her pockets.

“Oh! Hey Hope! How’s it going?” _So_ not smooth.

“Pretty good. Nice to see you again.” It’s formal and throws Kelley considering how friendly she’d been last time. “Is Adrian here?” 

“Yeah, you too. And no, he left a while ago.” 

“Abby?”

“Uh,” Kelley looks around, “she’s somewhere here. I can go get her…”

“It’s okay, I’ll wait.” 

Hope checks her phone and then tucks it back into her pocket. Her shoulders are rigid and tense and Kelley trails her eyes up the vein that stretches the length of her forearm; the way that the light catches the side of her face makes the slant of her eyebrows that much more fierce.

“I see that Abby stuck the kid with all hard labour. Typical.”

“Maybe I asked for it.”

“That table is bigger than you.” 

Hope is looking at Kelley calculatedly again, like her eyes are searching for questions that Kelley doesn’t know how to answer. Kelley’s palms might be sweatier than they were a moment ago, but she hoists the table onto her stack with overdramatic Hulk-like flair in an attempt to make to her laugh.

“You know, I may look small, but I pack the pounds.”

It works, sort of. Hope’s smile widens, reaching her eyes and softening her pointedness. A quite, almost begrudging laugh escapes her and Kelley claims another small conquest.

“So what brings you by?” she asks.

“I was just in the area. Thought I’d come say hi. I’ve been playing phone tag with Abby all week.”

“Well, I know she’s here, so.”

“Do you need a hand or anything?”

“Oh, I’m actually almost done, but thank you.” 

Hope continues to wait patiently for Abby, half watching Kelley stack tables this time in the back-to-back manner she had suggested. Kelley feels the eyes on her, or at least she thinks so. She looks up again to say something, and Hope quickly averts her stare, as if she _had_ been watching, but then casually refocuses her attention to Kelley. 

“So how long have you been with Adrian?” Kelley asks, stacking the last of her tables. She might as well break some ice instead of standing around in this brewing awkwardness. 

Just as quickly as Hope had softened, her gaze hardens again. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“Uh, how long…have you…and Adrian been together?” The words are more cautious this time. Kelley wonders if she’s crossed some sort of line, but the question is innocent enough. And suddenly Hope is looking at her in a way that makes her want to shrink into the ground.

“Adrian and I aren’t together,” Hope almost laughs, but the tone is too curt for it to be taken lightly. “Why would you- is that what he told you?”

“Yes?” Now Kelley is confused and slightly embarrassed, the warmth creeping up her neck. She takes a second to replay the conversation with Adrian and tone of his voice and it’s possible she misunderstood him, but it seems unlikely. Though this might explain why she never saw them together last weekend. “Well he said you were his girlfriend.” 

Hope purses her lips and folds her arms. 

“I’m a girl that's his friend, but not his girlfriend. He’s – we’re not a couple.” She says it exasperatedly; like maybe this isn’t the first time he’s told someone this. Then the wrinkle between her eyebrows dissipates, but only slightly. “I’m sorry he misled you like that.”

“Oh.” It’s all that Kelley can manage while she’s trying to process this new information and dodge the scrutiny of Hope’s gaze. 

Luckily, Abby shows up at just the right moment wearing a backwards neon green snapback with the ends of her hair sticking out of it. Hope lets out a loud scoff; Kelley exhales. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” Hope looks at Abby wide-eyed with amused disbelief and Abby pulls off the hat and rearranges her hair before putting it back on. “You look… _terrible._ ”

“Hey, just because I’m more in touch with my youth than you are doesn’t mean you can make fun of me.”

Abby and Hope quickly chatter off into their own little world. Kelley leaves them be, wheeling the carts of tables towards the back door and handing them off to some man who takes them outside. From where she’s standing, amidst the now serious conversation that Hope and Abby are having, the sunlight from the window catches Hope’s face in a certain way again. It halos her, sharpening and highlighting her already sharp features.

It gives Kelley a bizarre idea, but she’s quick to dismiss it. There’s no way it would follow through especially after what just happened.

“Hey, Kelley.” Abby shouts waving her back over, her voice quieter now. “If you’re done with those tables, you can head out. All that’s left is tech stuff.”

“All done,” Kelley confirms.

Abby gives her a high five and they exchange some final pleasantries with Hope standing nearby, watching. She’s wild, Abby, but there’s a very maternal presence about her that Kelley admires and highly respects.   

Then Kelley goes to grab her stuff from the stock room. She takes her time, idly wondering if she’ll ever see Hope again, considering now that she’s not actually with Adrian. It’s still weird. 

-

 

On her way out she says bye one last time. 

“Hold on,” Hope stops her before she can make it very far, “I’m heading out too. I’ll walk with you.”

Kelley palms are sweaty again as Hope strides alongside her.

“I’m sorry again about Adrian,” she says, opening the door for Kelley. She sounds genuinely apologetic this time. “It’s complicated, but we are not together.”

Kelley swings the drawstring of her bag over her shoulder and puts on her sunglasses. She catches a gentle whiff of Hope’s perfume as she passes and she’s thinking about that bizarre idea again.

“Really, you don’t need to apologize. It’s not like you did anything wrong. Maybe it was my mistake.”

“I doubt that. Adrian is – “

“Seriously, it’s okay.”

Yellow taxis and cyclists whizz by them as they walk in silence to the end of the block where they have to part ways. It’s still early in the day and the sun is out in full force. One of the best parts of NYU is that already in the middle of the huge city, Kelley has the freedom to wander off campus whenever she wants with ease.

“Hey, can I ask you a weird question?” Kelley says, a sudden cloak of bravery blanketing her.

“As long as it’s not too weird.” Hope gives a delicate wink that alleviates the tension of the prior Adrian situation.

“Can I take your pictures? I mean, it’s for an assignment and I know you said you modeled. I just- I know we just met, but…” Kelley mumbles off, not having thought this through at all. She knows she asked Tobin, but Tobin is hardly interested. “Sorry. If this is weird we can pretend I never asked.” 

They stop at the intersection and Hope lifts her sunglasses to the top of her head, her gaze steady and vigilant. Kelley’s bracing herself for some awkward, overly polite rejection, but then Hope just shrugs. 

“Sure.” 

“Really?” 

“I don’t see why not.”

Kelley tries to not smile too big. She hadn’t anticipated on Hope saying yes nor had she hadn’t even anticipated on actually asking. The traffic light turns green and a small horde of people maneuvers around them while Kelley quickly tries to sort out her next move. Hope just holds her hand out for Kelley’s phone.

“Here’s my number,” she quickly taps out the digits. “Text or call me whenever. I’m pretty flexible.” She grins warmly as she hands the phone back.

Before Kelley can properly say thank you, she strides away and Kelley is left staring after her.

-

 

“You’re doing it _wrong,_ ” Syd whines. Her voice echoes in the bareness of the common room. There isn’t much; a couple couches, one large table, and a TV that plays four channels, five on a good day. “Your technique is all off.”

Ashlyn tries again, positioning her finger under the cup and giving it a not-so-gentle flick. The cup goes flying across the table and rolls onto the floor. Syd groans.

“Ugh, do they not play flip cup in Florida?”

“Sorry! I respect the drinking age, okay?” Ashlyn retrieves the fallen plastic-ware and tosses it back to Syd. “It isn’t twelve or whatever the hell it is in Canada.”

“It’s nineteen, first of all.” Syd repositions the cup. “Second of all, are you calling me an alcoholic?” She flips the cup with ease, landing it upside down on the table. 

“So you can’t even drink in your home country either, you loser.”

There’s shuffling at the doorway behind them and they turn around. 

“Yo,” Kelley says, tossing her bag onto a chair. She eyes the mess of red solo cups strewn all over place. It’s still cleaner than Tobin and Ashlyn’s room, though. “Whatcha doing?”

“Teaching this hopeless cause how to play flip cup,” Syd says, poking Ashlyn in the ribs.

“I’m not hopeless,” Ashlyn says, slapping at Syd’s hand, “I’m getting…better.” Syd pats her on the shoulder

“Okay, you tell yourself that.”

Kelley laughs. She’s seen her siblings play before, but has never been an active participant.

“How long have you guys been here?” 

“All afternoon.” A muddled voice comes from the left and all three of them shoot their gazes over. Tobin’s eyes peak over the couch. She’d been so quiet they had actually forgotten about her. “I- I think I fell asleep,” she says.

“I thought you left,” Ashlyn says.

“I don’t even remember you walking in,” Syd counters.

“Rude.” Tobin sticks her tongue out at them, before flopping back down.

Kelley pushes her way in between Ashlyn and Syd, clearing herself some space. She takes the cup, lines it up, and it one swift flick flips it. 

“Like that?” She grins. She thinks of it as beginner’s luck. Syd looks across the table at Ashlyn, one eyebrow lifted.

“Even Madame debutante over here can flip a cup. You have no excuse.”

-

  

It’s pizza again for dinner for the second time this week (three if Kelley and Tobin count lunch too), but this time they order in and hangout in Tobin and Ashlyn’s room. Kelley sits on the floor with Ashlyn, backs against the bed, while Tobin perches on the edge of her bed and Syd occupies a desk chair.

They’ve quickly become this little family, a small unit where secrets can be shared with no judgment to be laid. Sure they have other friends, but this is the core, this is where they all feel safe. Kelley’s never really had this kind of a bond with her friends back home. They were close, but not in a way where she ever felt like she belonged. 

“So you can keep your soul,” Kelley mumbles to Tobin with a mouth full of cheese and pepperoni. “I’m gonna take someone else’s pictures.”

“Oh, sweet.” Tobin seems relatively unaffected, Kelley relieved. “You going to take selfies instead?”

Syd snorts and Ashlyn’s too busy texting someone, probably her girlfriend Ali, to pay attention.

“You know,” Kelley holds her finger up very matter-of-factly, “I thought about it, but no. I met a model at that art gallery and asked her.”

“Who?” Syd asks, tossing her unwanted crust back into the box. “Don’t tell me it’s Adrian’s girlfriend.” Now Ashlyn looks up.

“What about models?”

“Apparently Kelley’s friends with one,” Tobin interjects.

“I would hardly call her a friend,” Kelley starts. “And her name is Hope and I don’t know that she’s an _actual_ model or anything, I just know that she _does_ model.” 

“What’s the difference?” Ashlyn asks.

“Won’t that be weird taking pictures of your professor’s girlfriend?” Syd says.

“Funny story, actually.” Kelley sips long and hard on her soda, letting the bubbles tickle her throat. “Turns out they’re not together. Some misunderstanding I guess, I don’t know.” 

Tobin and Ashlyn look at her confused, but neither of them can really be bothered to ask. Syd’s eyes widen like she has ideas- ideas about Adrian.

“Don’t even think about it,” Kelley warns, to which Syd cocks her head. 

“So what,” she says skeptically, “she’s just gonna do it for free? Let some random kid take pictures of her?” But then her tone takes a more playful turn and she shifts all the way around to face Kelley. “I’d say wine and dine her, but you’re not even old enough to take her out for a drink.” 

“Ooh, an older woman,” Ashlyn grins, nodding.

Kelley almost chokes on her pizza, but plays it off coolly. She lets the condensation of her soda can cool her fingertips. 

“Funny.”

“Free food and alcohol is the way to get a lot of people do to things,” Syd says. 

“No,” is all Kelley says.

“You could take her to the Rainforest Café instead,” Tobin shifts onto her stomach. “Seems more…you.”

“Or McDonald’s,” Ashlyn adds, “I’m sure she’d be happy to supervise you in the play place.”

Kelley rolls her eyes, aggressively biting into her crust. “Fuck you guys. I’m not taking her on some date.”

“Chill.” Syd reaches for another slice and the way that she’s looking at Kelley is making Kelley nervous, like she can see right through her. “No one said anything about a _date._ I just said take her out. Although, now that she _is_ single, you could _not_ flirt with her like you were _not_ the other night.”

Kelley glares.

“I’ll take her on a date,” Ashlyn smirks. Everyone groans and Kelley smacks her in the knee.

“Shut up. You have a girlfriend.”


	4. Chapter 3: When It Rains, It Pours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then, when Hope is using wild gestures to tell Kelley another old elaborate soccer story, Kelley notices something..."

October sweeps in quietly, like the beginning of a forgotten month. It still feels faintly like summer; the mornings cool and hazy, the ground damp with dew, and the air thin and brisk. But by the time the afternoon settles in, sweaters come off and sunglasses come on. The leaves on the trees are slowly turning and falling, but not with the kind of conviction that Kelley was hoping for. She’ll just have to wait.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how she wants to spin it, the loom of midterms makes the waiting seem like child’s play.

She was right that joining the soccer team was too much, but refuses to give it up. If anything, she’d love to drop the photography course, but she’s missed the no penalty deadline and now with the weight of this portraiture assignment on her shoulders, it’s enough to make the hairs on her head turn grey. 

Kelley makes the library her home with Tobin. They study from the time class ends until it’s either time to play soccer, eat, or sleep. It’s a tedious and hectic routine, but they make do. 

Syd prefers to study in their room, at least that way if she falls asleep (like she usually does), she can fall asleep in her bed. Ashlyn spends most of her time in the gym. That is, until Syd forces her to study with her. 

On top of all that, David still calls on a regular basis and Kelley, despite the way she left things with him, has too much of a soft spot to just deny him. Or maybe it’s guilt. Either way, she spends more time talking to him than she should or even really wants.

By the time the end of the week rolls around, mental exhaustion has taken over. The words in her textbook start to collide into blurs and the writing in her notebooks start take on the shapes of hieroglyphics. It’s only the first semester and already her brain feels like mush.

Just when she manages to pull herself together, organize her mind and her life, she remembers Adrian’s stupid assignment. 

Kelley’s on the fence about texting Hope and almost doesn’t. She stares at her phone, weighing her options. It would just be so much easier to take Tobin’s photos, there would be no pressure and she wouldn’t have to worry about making a fool of herself. And for all Kelley knows, maybe Hope has changed her mind. 

In the end, sometimes nags her enough that she figures why not. Even if Hope says no, it’s not like she has anything to lose anyways.

* * *

 

It threatens to rain most of Saturday. 

Dark skies, ominous clouds, gusty winds. Kelley loves the rain, but she would never let anyone know that sometimes thunder scares her. It’s just so _loud._ She spends half the morning hoping the rain holds off and for even the smallest ray of sunshine so that there’s at least some natural daylight; and the other half being nervous for this photo shoot, if it can even be called that, with Hope.

Maybe this is a bad idea. 

Fortunately, half-promises of clear skies grace the afternoon as Kelley heads out to the Arts Office Building, where a fellow classmate had offered her some studio space for the assignment. It’s a bit too formal, but she isn’t confident enough to take anyone’s photos in public, like Central Park maybe.

She rides her expensive looking road bike, the one she had so happily (and questionably) scored for the low, low price of fifty dollars from someone off of Craigslist. His contact info had been _daddysspicypickle@yahoo.com,_ which prompted Kelley to elect the middle of Washington Square Park to do their exchange. Still, she had begged Ashlyn to come with her and to this day, neither of them has found out his real name.

“He kinda looked like a Kevin,” Kelley had said to Ashlyn, while riding small laps around her.

“More like Crazy, if you ask me. Are you sure this bike isn’t stolen or held together with fairy dust and a glue stick?” 

-

 

Hope is already at the Arts Office Building when Kelley arrives. She’s sitting on a bench in that same, dreadfully white lobby, dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, her hair long and straight over her shoulders. Kelley, not usually the nervous type is having doubts again, but she tries to not let on. 

“Hey, am I late?” she looks at her watch. “Sorry.”

“Nope.” Hope stands, a light smile and bright eyes aimed in Kelley’s direction. “I’m just early.”

“Do you live nearby?” 

“Not too far. Upper West Side, just across from Central Park.”

“Oh, cool. Thanks so much for doing this, by the way,” Kelley runs her fingers through the tangles in her hair left by her helmet. “You really didn’t have to.” 

“Of course. It’s my pleasure.” The genuineness of Hope’s voice puts her slightly at ease and she’s quick to realize that Hope likes to wink; always so subtle, but so deliberate. 

“So, shall we?” 

Kelley leads them through a short hallway to a slightly cluttered studio space. Hope knows the building well, having been here many a time and her footsteps are light and quiet behind her. Kelley tries to think of a conversation starter, but then they’re there. 

Several lights and stands, of which only a fraction work, line a wall; and one of those altering backdrops that Kelley recognizes from grade school picture day sits in the corner. 

It starts out awkwardly enough, neither of them saying much, maneuvering around one another robotically. 

Hope eventually settles onto a stool next to the gloomy window and observes Kelley as she digs through her bags in a subdued kind of fluster. Papers are already all over the place and several canisters of film have rolled onto the floor. Hope keeps quiet, biting her cheek and waiting to see how long it takes Kelley to realize that the camera she’s looking through still has its lens cap on.

“Everything okay?” Hope asks, picking up on the inexperience.

“Huh?” Kelley startles, looking up and face reddening. “Oh, yeah. Just uh, organizing myself.”

Hope smiles tightly, waiting.

Kelley begins to recite her directions as if she knows exactly what she’s doing. The truth is she’s absolutely clueless. Now she’s really wishing she had stuck with Tobin instead and wondering what on earth possessed her to ask someone who may or may not do this kind of thing for a living. More so, why Hope even agreed. 

“I’ve never really done this before,” Kelley admits after a sequence of seemingly random shutter clicks in Hope’s general direction. It’s like she’s forgotten all the basics Adrian has taught her, like how to even hold a damn camera. And now she’s maybe starting to sense some impatience from Hope.

“You don’t say.” Hope’s gaze is sharp, studying Kelley. Kelley stares back, a mix of embarrassment and what she tries for mock offense; her camera is heavy in her hands. Hope just continues to stare, but then is unable to hold back her smirk. 

It’s the first time Kelley notices a twinkle in her eyes. 

- 

 

It gets easier. 

Kelley’s hands are becoming defter as she remembers all the things she needs to, like lighting techniques, positioning, and f-stops and ISO speeds. It’s far from smooth and perfect; a lot of trial and error, but it’s more comfortable. 

Hope is on the quiet side, cautious and guarded with her words. Kelley senses that and doesn’t blame her. They’re both still strangers so she takes a step back from her normal chatterbox self. Still, they talk. They touch on the trivial things, like the weather and traffic. Kelley talks a little about Georgia and Hope says she’s originally from a smaller town outside of Seattle. Kelley dabbles in her college options and why she chose NYU, Hope tells her that modeling is only a side job (“you might have seen me in some ads around the city”) and that she actually coaches a few girl’s youth soccer team a little further uptown.

And that’s when they find their first common bond, their love for soccer.

It’s the icebreaker they need and they absently talk about it for a long while, laughing and sharing stories. Hope’s eyes light up with a passion that Kelley shares and knows all too well. The conversation seems to stretch and stretch until Kelley remembers the camera that’s hanging around her neck and the deadline that soon approaches.

She takes a few photos. Some posed, some candid.

The atmosphere gets lighter after that. It has Hope looking more relaxed, edging out the intimidation she auras; and Kelley feeling more confident. She still doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but touches Hope’s face at one point, fingers lightly pressed against her jawline, angling her towards the artificial light.

They joke around too; mostly it’s just Hope teasing Kelley about being so young. Kelley accidentally lets it slip that she used to be a debutante and Hope wrinkles her nose in distaste, to which Kelley wholeheartedly agrees.

Then, when Hope is using wild gestures to tell Kelley another old elaborate soccer story, Kelley notices the faintest tan on her left hand, like maybe where an engagement or wedding ring used to sit. 

-

  

Kelley’s phone begins to vibrate somewhere in one her bags, the noise low and incessant. 

“You gonna get that?” Hope asks, shifting on her stool. Kelley scribbles something down onto her assignment checklist.

“No, it’s probably just David,” she says as if Hope has any idea who David is. Hope tilts her head. “Oh um, he’s my uh- “ What exactly is David, anyways? 

“…boyfriend?” Hope tries, a little confused.

Kelley doesn’t answer right away, adjusting the settings on the camera. “Not really,” she finally says. 

“Not really?” 

“It’s complicated. I left him back home and he’s kind of waiting for me, but I don’t really know what I want.” 

Kelley is surprised (mostly confused) at how intrigued Hope looks so she spends some time telling her, without going into too much detail, about how she met David, how he fits into the family, and all that other boring stuff about how they got to where they are now. It’s just so drab that it’s strange that Hope is actually listening and asking questions. Not even Syd cared _this_ much.

Hope seems sympathetic and understanding and keeps throwing around lines like, “well I’m sure you can find better out here,” “don’t let the past hold you back,” and “you just need to do what feels right.” It’s motivational, kind of. Kelley smiles and nods, banking the words for another day.

“Besides,” Hope says as Kelley reaches to tuck away a stray hair behind Hope's ear, “his loss.” 

_His loss_ Kelley repeats in her head. She’s not exactly sure if that’s a compliment or not given how little they know about each other. She combs Hope’s gaze for the authenticity of the comment, but comes up with nothing to tell her otherwise.

“Well, thanks,” she says willing her cheeks to not blush. 

-

 

The sun never comes out today, leaving less than ideal lighting conditions. Kelley makes do though, using one of the broken lights; but not before her and Hope struggle to turn it on. Apparently, it takes two people to change a light bulb.  

It’s just one of those sink or swim kind of days for Kelley. She throws a lot of caution into the wind and follows her gut. Mostly it pays off. After all, there’s no specific right or wrong way to take pictures; but on occasion, Hope steps in because it’s painfully obvious that Kelley is a child learning to walk for the first time.

Not that Hope is a photographer extraordinaire by any means like Abby or even Adrian, but she’s been around the business enough to know things that Kelley doesn’t. Kelley appreciates the insight.

“Okay,” Kelley says, recapping her lens, “that’s it. We’re done.” She made it and only embarrassed herself a little bit.

Hope lets out a breath and sticks her hand up for a high five. Kelley meets her halfway and when their palms make contact, she doesn’t expect to feel the rush of tingles shoot up her arm.

-

  

Outside, the skies have darkened even more and not because of evening approaching, but because of the giant storm clouds that have rolled in all the way. It’s menacing. Just the sight of that makes Kelley nervous. If she rides fast enough though, she might be able to make it back to her building before any actual rainfall or thunder.

Hope stands with her under the concrete awning as she digs around her bag for the key to her bike lock. She thanks Hope again profusely and offers to one day somehow repay her. Hope tells her to not worry about it.

“So I’ll see you around, I guess?” Kelley says, slinging on her backpack and draping another bag across body. She has that feeling again where she hopes this isn’t the last time she’ll get to see Hope. “I’ll let you know the pictures turn out.”

“Sounds good,” Hope nods. “You have my number so don’t be a stranger.” Then she goes in for a terribly awkward, flimsy and hesitant one-armed hug in which Kelley’s chin gets pressed up against her bicep because she’s too short and holding too many things. “You gonna be okay getting back with all that stuff?”

“I’ll be fine.”

And then Hope smiles one last time and heads the opposite direction.

The breeze picks up as Kelley rounds the corner to her bike, her hair whipping in her face. One assignment is partially out of the way, but she’s still riddled with stress. Her first midterm is on Tuesday and she still has a long way to go in terms of being ready for it. And then she has one every single day after that, with a bonus two on the Friday.

Now she’s hungry and tired and can feel her phone vibrating in her pocket and she knows that it’s David again.

“Hey,” she answers reluctantly, forcing herself to sound excited.

“Hiya, Peach.” David’s voice is fuzzy mixed in with the wind and traffic. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. Just on my way back after that photo shoot thing. It’s about to storm and I don’t want to get caught in it.”

“How was it?” he asks, sidestepping the unease in Kelley’s voice. Kelley rolls her eyes, putting on her helmet. 

“It was good, actually. Hope is really cool. I think we’re friends now.”

“That’s good, that’s great! So what are you doing this weekend?” 

Kelley begins to answer, but then trails off mid sentence. Something looks different enough that she stops dead in her tracks and eyes the side of the road where she knows she left her bike. She scans her eyes from the left all the way to right and mild panic starts to set in when she doesn’t see it. She thinks. Maybe she locked it somewhere else, maybe it’s on the other side of the building. But no. She distinctly remembers walking past the tiny flowerbed with the dead lilies because she almost tripped on it. 

That’s when she sees half of her lock laying pitifully on the ground.

Her heart falls so quickly into her stomach she thinks she might throw up and she immediately feels the tears welling up in her eyes. David’s voice is nothing but distant scrambled sounds.

“I- sorry David, I need to call you back.” Kelley hangs up without waiting for a response and picks up the remnants of her lock. She glares at it, flooded with betrayal. First she’s confused, then she’s sad, and then she’s just angry.

_“Fuck,”_ she hisses, stamping her foot.

Onlookers stare, but Kelley can’t be bothered. As if she wasn’t stressed out enough, now she’s down a mode of transportation and about to get caught in a rainstorm. She sighs loud and exasperatedly.

“Fuck, shit, _fuck._ ” This is so not the vernacular of a debutante.

Her phone rings again, but she ignores it, throwing it into her bag. She droops her head and her shoulders feel like sandbags. Right on cue, a low roar of thunder rumbles the sky and the rain begins to fall. She throws her arms up in the air asking herself _why me?_

The rain is gentle at first, tolerable, like quiet whispers; but before she can even fully process everything that’s happened, it turns into something just short of torrential downpour. The thunder is deep, but luckily there isn't any lightning. 

She groans again and tosses her lock into the nearby garbage, clattering loudly as it hits the bottom. The raindrops feel like some kind of punishment and the wind slices into her face. She yanks off her helmet and has no other choice but to walk back because she refuses to pay for a cab and she doesn’t feel like waiting out the rain in a Starbucks. 

It’s about a fifteen-minute walk on a normal day, but in today’s conditions with all her bags, it will feel like forever. She takes one last look around, staring off into the distance, just hoping that maybe someone is playing a really mean prank on her.

But it’s just her, alone in the rain.

Kelley walks with her head low and spirits even lower. Her hair is soaking wet and dripping in her face and she’s shivering from the cold. She feels silly for being so upset over a bike, but at least her tears will be hidden. What had been a pretty good day has been instantly ruined and she curses every red light she hits. That is, until a car pulls up next to her and the window rolls down. 

“Kelley!”

Kelley looks over. It’s Hope and her chest swells. She wants nothing more than to get out of the rain and doesn’t think twice when Hope tells her to get in. She climbs in quickly before the light changes, grateful for the shelter.

“Why are you walking in the rain?” Hope’s confused, helping Kelley shove her things into the back seat. Kelley sighs, wondering if it’s been evident she’s been crying.

“Some asshole stole my bike.”

“Oh, shit. Kelley, I’m so sorry.”

Kelley reaches for the seatbelt, careful to drip all the over place, but it seems a little too late for that. 

“Yeah, me too,” she says, leaning her head back and praying for no more tears. She closes her eyes for a moment, relishing in the heat of the car that Hope turns on for her, and steadying her nerves. Then she turns her head towards Hope. “You drive in the city?”

“Yeah, sometimes. I need it to get uptown,” Hope says, “and I didn’t feel like chancing the weather today.” 

“Smart.” 

“So where to?”

“West Fourth and Washington Square East?”

“Yes ma’am.” 

New York City traffic is already a nightmare, but the rain only makes it worse. It’s bumper-to-bumper for blocks and a constant stream of car honks. Hope fiddles with the radio trying for some background noise. Her car is nice, black leather seats, tinted windows, electronic display. It smells like a mixture of new car scent and something florally fragrant- maybe hand lotion or an air freshener. Being a model and soccer coach must pay well. It’s impeccably clean too and Kelley is hoping she doesn’t leave behind some kind of mess.

“Thanks for stopping,” Kelley says, realizing how lucky she got. “I owe you even more now.”

“I think you’ve suffered enough with your bike getting stolen and getting trapped in the rain. Really, don’t worry about it.”

Hope settles for a radio station with _Heaven_ by Bryan Adams playing. Kelley waits the chorus out before looking at her with a quirked eyebrow.

“Really?”

“What? I love this song.” 

“Oh, right,” Kelley grins, stolen bike temporarily forgotten, “I forgot that you’re a grandma.” Hope opens her mouth, glancing at Kelley at a red light.

“Hey, I am not _that_ much older than you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kelley studies the console, looking to change the radio station. Hope must be aware because as soon as Kelley’s arm goes forward, so does hers. She grabs Kelley’s hand, holding it away from the buttons. They both look at each other. 

“I _dare_ you.” Hope eyes are sparkling.

They take advantage of the time and talk some more, mostly about mundane topics again. Kelley mentions she’s yet to really go out and explore New York and how there are so many foods in the city that she’s never had before because she has no idea what they are. Hope offers to be her unofficial tour guide one day and Kelley ironically fist pumps. It elicits hearty laughter from Hope.

-

 

Somewhere in between the song changing from _Heaven_ to _Take Me On_  (one of Kelley's least favourite songs ever) and Kelley vying for DJ privileges, Hope, without any forewarning, confesses something.

“Adrian and I were engaged for a pretty long time and now we’re not.”

It spills out quickly and from the corner of Kelley’s eye, she can see Hope’s hands tighten around the steering wheel. Kelley turns slowly and then Hope holds up her bare left hand, exposing what’s left of the tan line and confirming Kelley’s previous suspicions. 

“Things just sort of fell apart at the end, but it’s better this way, being just friends. He’s still a really good guy and I have a lot of respect for him.” 

Kelley nods, quite and pensive for a moment. 

“How long were you engaged?”

“Almost three years.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

The rain falls harder and the windshield wipers quicken. Kelley doesn’t doubt that Adrian is a good person. He’s a fantastic instructor and has had enough weird experiences to make him as peculiar and charismatic as he is. And Hope doesn’t owe her any kind of explanation, but she can understand where she’s coming from and appreciates the sentiment.

“So you’re newly single, then?”

“It’s been about a year.”

Kelley stays quiet again, letting Hope’s words settle in. She hadn’t expected for things to take such a heavy turn and it looks like Hope wasn’t expecting to take it there either. Now Kelley can’t help but wonder if it’ll be awkward the next she sees Adrian. 

“I don’t tell that to a lot of people. I just don’t need things to be weird for any of us.”

“I understand. Totally. Nothing is weird.” 

“Good.” 

-

  

A few beats of silence, more bumper to bumper traffic, and Kelley finally charms her way into control of the music. She bats her eyelashes at Hope in the same way she does at Erin anytime she wants anything. Hope gives in easier than Kelley expects, but when Shakira starts playing that’s where she draws the line. She threatens to change the station, but Kelley pleads.

“Come on, doesn’t it just make you want to _dance_?”

“No, not really.” 

Hope hovers her finger over the next button and this time it’s Kelley who grabs her wrist. They exchange a glance again, this time more lingering and challenging.  

Kelley lets go when Hope doesn’t budge, a dangerous grin playing at her mouth. She’s good at this.

Kelley tucks her hands into her lap and stares out the window watching the streaky lights and the violent pitter-patter of the raindrops. She tries real hard and fails to bite her smile into submission and ends up sneaking a quiet glance at Hope. If Hope notices, she definitely doesn’t let on. 

And then they’re at her building. 

“Don’t you dare say thank you again,” Hope says and Kelley pulls an invisible zipper across her lips. “See you soon, I hope.”

Kelley nods and the blush creeping into her cheeks feels like wildfire, then it slowly makes its way up to her ears. She reaches into backseat to grab her stuff at the same time as Hope does and for a split second, their faces are too close. With her now useless helmet mocking her misfortune, Kelley opens the door slowly bracing for the weather. She’s already outside, rain pelting and instantly re-soaking her back when she quickly dips her head back in. 

“Thank- have a good night.”

“Stay dry, kid,” is all Hope says.

-

 

Kelley enters her dorm, hair and everything else sopping wet only to come face to face with the usual suspects; Tobin occupying the whole of her bed. She freezes, the eyes on her like lasers.

“Dang, what happened to you?” Tobin asks, propping herself up onto her elbows. Kelley frowns.

“Well hello to you to. My bike got stolen in case anyone was wondering.” 

“Noo, not daddy’s spicy pickle,” Ashlyn says from Syd’s bed, but she sounds genuinely compassionate.

“Damn, sorry bud.” Syd adds. “Did you walk all the way back?” Kelley shakes her head.

“Hope gave me a ride.” 

“Ooh,” Ashlyn shoots Kelley a look, changing the mood. “Your hot model friend?”

Kelley rolls her eyes droppings her bags to the ground and Syd throws a pillow in Ashlyn’s face.

“Does Ali know you talk like this?”

“Hey, I love my girlfriend very much. Doesn’t mean I can’t look at other people. Not that I even know what Hope looks like.”

Kelley drowns them out changing into dry clothes and tossing the wet ones into a messy heap onto the floor. She kicks her helmet under her desk so she doesn’t have to see it then rolls Tobin to the inside of her bed and crawls in, back against the wall, covers up to her chin. Tobin adjusts awkwardly on top the blankets, somehow wedging herself between the mattress and wall. 

“Mmm, warm, cozy,” Kelley mumbles, mouth hidden by the fabric. She sticks an arm out under the covers and motions for Ashlyn to hand her her camera bag. She pulls out the digital one, the screen just speckled with moisture, and scrolls through the pictures and hands it back to Ashlyn.

“Here, since you so badly want to know what Hope looks like.”

Ashlyn studies the picture for a moment, eyes squinted and moving the camera closer and further to her face, like she’s trying to solve some damn puzzle. Syd looks on with her even though she’s already met Hope. 

“Hmm. Yeah I guess she’s hot, but not really my type,” Ashlyn says. “Ali’s hotter.”

“I mean, never say never,” Syd adds. “All I’m saying is that I definitely wouldn’t.”

“Hey, I wanna see.” Tobin rolls, stretching herself as long as she can over Kelley's legs to take the camera from Ashlyn. She nods at the photos approvingly. “Definitely looks like a model.” 

Kelley takes the camera back and tucks it away.

“Alright, alright, can we stop objectifying her? She’s actually a really cool person.”

“Aww.” Syd holds her hands over her chest and flutters her eyes at Kelley. “Does our little Peach have a girl crush?” It’s only a joke, but Kelley’s defensive reaction surprises everyone. 

“Do _not,_ ” she states firmly. She opts to leave this new exposé of Hope’s prior engagement on the down low for now. “I just mean there’s more to a person than their looks, okay? She’s a nice person and very smart and we have things in common. She’s…” but Kelley’s digging herself into a hole that she doesn’t know how to get out off so she pulls covers back up to her chin. “I don’t have a crush.”

It’s too late though. Syd sits knees hugged to her chest, staring at Kelley smugly. Ashlyn looks like a light bulb just went off in her head, her eyes glowing, and Kelley’s glad she can’t see Tobin’s face from this angle.

“I need to eat,” Kelley says, getting up. She grabs a pack of ramen noodles from her desk and disappears to the kitchen. If only she could hear the way her friends are snickering. 

-

 

Kelley knows she’ll sleep well tonight, her head practically molded to her pillow. Her shoulders are sore and she’s emotionally worn out from the loss of her bike and still rattled from being trapped outside with the stupid thunder. She’s like a lame dog and she’s gotten enough shit about it from her siblings over the years. Fortunately, the rain has ceased to a light drizzle. 

There have been a slew of texts from David all night asking if everything is okay because Kelley never called back like she said she would. She can’t fault him for that, but instead, sends him one simple text that reads, _“i'm fine. bike got stolen. i’ll call you tomorrow.”_ David doesn’t take the hint though and continues to text. Kelley just ignores them. 

She’s busy counting the stucco on the ceiling when Syd comes into the room, hair in a towel, toothbrush poking out her mouth.

“Lights out?” She asks, draping the towel on the back of her chair and tossing her toothbrush onto her desk.

“Lights out.” 

Kelley’s phone vibrates simultaneously, illuminating the room with a text. She groans and can practically _hear_ Syd rolling her eyes in the dark. 

“What does he want now?” 

“Probably for me to text him a bedtime lullaby.” It’s only half a joke. Kelley reaches for her phone to silence it, but is pleasantly surprised and maybe a little shocked to see that it’s not a text from David. Her stomach does an anxious flip and she’s grateful for the darkness to hide in.

 

**hope:** hey hope you’re safe and warm now. sorry again about what happened to your bike. thieves… 

**kelley:** very safe and very warm. thieves suck but i’ll get over it. THANKS again for the ride ;)

 

On the other side of the room, Syd shifts in her bed and Kelley can just make out the outline of her face and the whites of her eyes.

“Are you really giving him the time of day?” she bemoans.

“It’s not David.”

“Who else is texting you at this hour?”

Kelley ponders. She certainly doesn’t need Syd all up in her business right now. She rolls onto her side, face towards the wall.

“It’s Erin.”

-

  

**hope:** i guess you’re welcome. isn’t it past your bedtime, freshman?

**kelley:** isn’t it past YOUR bedtime, grandma?

**hope:** i’m in bed, thanks. you should respect your elders

**kelley:** i’m in bed too. grandma.

**hope:** i’ll remember this conversation for next time. goodnight kelley

**kelley:** :) night hope

-

 

Hardly two minutes later, Kelley is out like a light.


	5. Chapter 4: Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hope eyes crinkle in the corners as she smile, sending Kelley’s heart into an unexpected flutter."

The friendship literally happens overnight.

The morning after Hope had serendipitously come to Kelley’s rescue, Kelley wakes with an overwhelming desire to have a Shakira dance party. She cranks up the music only to be greeted with Syd’s furious morning face. Her energy is infectious though, so Syd doesn’t stay mad long. Then, without much thought, Kelley picks up her phone and shoots off a casual to text to Hope telling her what she’s doing and that she should do the same. There’s no reply for a while, Kelley feeling a bit dejected that maybe Hope was only being polite and friendly the day before.

But finally her phone buzzes with a reply and Kelley can’t help her stupid grin.

_i’m old remember? my hips do lie_.

After that, texts had started pouring in and out of each other’s phones like long lost friends catching up. It’s even like that when Kelley is trying to do work, like when she’s in the darkroom next to Adrian’s class manually developing her photos. She prefers the darkroom to the computer lab where all the Mac computers have old and shotty versions of Photoshop because it’s quieter even if the process is more painstaking and there’s more room for error.

It almost becomes an escape for a few short weeks, a hideaway when she needs her alone time. 

Only she doesn’t feel so alone when it’s like Hope is there with her, her presence emanating through the phone. Most of the time the texts are just random and senseless, but other times Kelley finds herself rereading them, searching for hidden meanings because Hope is so cryptic. And then sometimes, Kelley hesitates before pressing send because she isn’t sure if she’s being too forward.

A few times they try to hang out, but busy schedules get in the way.

Adrian knows that Kelley had reached out to Hope, but is still taken aback when he sees the photos drying on the rope line. They hang from clothespins evenly spaced apart slowly dripping stop-bath from the corners. The black and white prints tell a much deeper and more inspiring story than the colour prints on her computer.

Adrian is also aware that Kelley knows that him and Hope aren’t together, and Kelley knows that he knows. They never bring it up, though. For Kelley, it’s the least of her worries and there isn’t any point, but it still sometimes sits weirdly between them. 

No less, he’s pleased and admires the photos fondly. He gives Kelley a pat on the back and tells her she has a good eye that could take her far one day if she wanted.

Kelley doesn’t see photography in her future, ever, but she takes the compliment for what it is and simply chalks it up to Hope being the right kind of muse.

* * *

 

Sometimes Kelley misses David. 

It often creeps up on her when she’s not expecting it, like when she’s walking to class, or doing something mundane, like cleaning up her dishes, or brushing her teeth. It happens whenever she has the time to think. Time to think about what _could_ be their future, all planned out and financially secure; to think about what she’s left behind, like how enamoured he was with her, and how maybe, at least with him, she knew she was wanted.

David was never a bad person. In fact, when things were good, they were _good_ , but as soon as Kelley ever had any doubts, she would completely wall herself out from both him and her family. The isolation in itself was a red flag because she started to realize she had doubts more often than they had good times. Somehow, David was blind or unwilling to acknowledge that. 

But then when she thinks about the positives, like the laughing, the sneaking around and drinking coolers by the lake, the carefree stuff, it’s almost enough to make her reconsider her motives and actions. Maybe she _should_ give him another chance.

Then missing David turns into dread. A kind of trepidation that makes Kelley question her own self-worth and character because there’s a huge part of her that knows he can’t possibly be _the one_ , that she can do far better; and if he is, well- no, he can’t be. 

Can he? 

Mostly her thoughts are irrational, incited upon the way that her parents had been so hopeful for them, so gung-ho. They would never force her into something that made her truly unhappy (except that damn Christmas Cotillion, but that’s an inescapable family tradition that if she has any say in, her future children will have no part in), but it’s letting them down that is her biggest fear, especially when she’s following in Erin’s footsteps; The Star Child.

It’s a viscous cycle that drives Kelley insane, keeps her awake at night, but ever since moving away, the anxiety frequents her far less often. She’s happier here. She does miss home, but feels more comfortable than she ever did in Georgia.

And that’s just how it goes.

Kelley _sometimes_ misses David.

* * *

 

Tobin falls to the grass, eyes closed, arms sprawled out, breathing heavy. Kelley and Ashlyn do similar, untying their cleats and chugging water. 

The mid October air is cool, making the sweat that sticks to them uncomfortable. Somewhere up the pitch, Syd is gathered in a small triangle playing a competitive game of keep-up with Lauren and Megan, two girls she knows from her American Lit class. Other teammates are doing the same or sifting back into the locker room. 

Kelley plucks at the grass, ripping it into smaller bits and sprinkling it onto an unknowing Tobin’s stomach.

“So it’s Friday night,” Kelley says, “what are we doing?” 

“I have a huge paper due on Monday,” Ashlyn sighs, “it’s the library for me.”

“Yo, same,” Tobin says, looking up and noticing the mess of dirt and grass on her shirt. She immediately shoots her gaze towards Kelley who unconvincingly feigns innocence. “I have a lab due on Monday.” 

Kelley frowns. Even with the weight of midterms lifted, she still has work to do too. It’s been weeks since she’s been out and had fun though, and she’s getting restless. She doesn’t count the awkward dorm hangouts in which the guys try and sneak in alcohol.

“Syd-naaaay!” she screams, waving her roommate over.

“What!” Syd screams back, focused on her game of keep-up. 

“What are we doing tonight?” Kelley screams again. Syd drops the ball.

“Shit!” she yells and Lauren and Megan scream and high five each other, laughing. Syd walks over. “What?” she repeats, “what’s all your yelling about?” 

“What are we doing tonight?” Kelley says more quietly this time, head tilted up at Syd’s silhouetted figure. 

“Sorry dude, I have like three assignments that are on the verge of being late so I’ll be partying it up in the library.”

“The library?” Tobin interrupts, exchanging a glance with Ashlyn. “Do you even know where that is?” Sydney flips them both the finger.

“Sorry, girl,” she says again. Kelley makes a face, crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue. She falls to her side, letting her read rest on Tobin’s bony hip.

“Well, guess I’ll do my work too, then,” she groans.

-

  

**kelley:** pictures came out great if you ever wanna see them! tomorrow maybe? 

**hope:** i have a shoot tomorrow, though i do have a better idea if you’re free later

**kelley:** oh? you have my attention… 

**hope:** have you ever had a falafel?

-

 

Kelley shuts her Statistics textbook and stretches her arms out. Her shoulders pop and crack in the process. The library is loud tonight, students studying in large groups with the excited chatter of the approaching weekend. This sudden notion of actually getting to hangout with Hope has turned Kelley’s otherwise boring night around.

Mostly she’s just excited to step away from campus. She tidies her stuff from the table and tucks them away. It suddenly dawns on her, mid zip of her backpack, that she’s a little nervous.

Syd and Tobin both look up from their work, while Ashlyn for once too caught up in her assignment instead of her girlfriend or the gym doesn’t seem to notice (or care).

“Where are you going?” Tobin and Syd ask simultaneously. Kelley wants to be evasive, but is never smooth enough. 

“Out.”

Tobin cocks an eyebrow and Syd purses her lips. 

“Out where?” Syd questions. “Last I checked we were your only friends.” 

Kelley slips her backpack on, checking the time on her phone. If she runs, she’ll be able to get back to her dorm in time to change into something more appropriate, rather than sweats and an unwashed hoodie. 

“I’m going to have a falafel with Hope,” she confesses, trying to downplay the situation. After all, it _is_ just food. She just doesn’t need the twenty-one questions. 

Syd and Tobin look at each other, sharing a moment of recognition, and then they look back to Kelley.

“Oohhh,” they say on cue, both failing miserably at keeping a poker face. It garners the attention of Ashlyn, who slips off her headphones looking confused.

“Okay, well have fun,” Syd says, winking not so subtly. 

“Leaving so soon, Kell?” Ashlyn says. 

“Yeah,” she answers coolly, trying to draw the least amount of attention to herself. She and Hope are just friends for god sake and she can’t understand why everyone is giving her such a hard time for it. “I’ll see you guys a little later.”

-

 

Hope meets Kelley right by the arch in Washington Square.

It’s dark and a little cold, Kelley’s hands tucked deep into her coat pocket, zipper zipped all the way. She spots Hope immediately, just separated from a large crowd of people. She’s tall and hard to miss and Kelley’s smiling before Hope even notices her.

“Hey!” Kelley waves when she’s finally in Hope’s line of vision. Hope waves back, walking to meet her halfway. “Nice beanie,” Kelley says when they’re within earshot. 

“Thanks.” Hope eyes crinkle in the corners as she smile, sending Kelley’s heart into an unexpected flutter. Then she gives Kelley a light hug, this time not as awkward as the last. “How are you?”

“Better now, to be honest. I’ve been cooped up in the library all night.” 

“Hmm, I’m definitely not jealous.”

“Yeah well, I’m jealous that you’re not jealous.”

Hope laughs, a sound that Kelley never gets to hear through text messages. They talk on the phone sometimes, but only usually in small passing moments. Like when Kelley is walking to class and trying to not think about David, or when Hope is between coaching sessions. 

“So a falafel, huh?” Kelley sticks her hands back into her pockets, warming them. “I’m excited.” 

-

 

Hope’s stride is long and Kelley struggles to keep up, but neither of them shows any signs of slowing down. 

“There’s no time for slow walkers in this city,” Hope tells her. And after living here for almost three years, Hope knows it well.

She teaches Kelley little facts about all the places they pass and points out her favourite places to hangout. It’s hard to escape tourist traps in Manhattan, but she does her best to take Kelley down quieter streets, pointing out bars, restaurants, cafes, and bookstores just to name a few.

“When you’re _finally_ old enough,” Hope says nodding towards a small dive bar, draping an arm around Kelley’s shoulders, “you’ll really like this place.” 

Kelley gives her a side-eye and nudges her in the ribs.

- 

 

The falafel tastes like heaven wrapped in a pita. Kelley closes her eyes, drowning out the rumble of the food truck and crowd as she savours her first bite. Across from her, Hope watches with intrigue at the way Kelley’s cheeks puff out like a chipmunk storing its food. It’s oddly charming, if Hope is being honest. Then an incoherent string of words leaves Kelley mouth that Hope barely deciphers as, “oh my god, this is so good.”

“This definitely doesn’t taste like home,” Kelley finally enunciates, wiping the crumbs off her face. She’s aware that Hope’s been watching her, but it’s food and Kelley loves food. Especially the kinds that aren’t healthy and that her mom would absolutely frown upon. ( _“No, Kelley, you will NOT put pickles and chips in your peanut butter and jelly.”)_

“Glad you like it,” Hope says, taking a bite of her own and leading Kelley away from the growing lineup and busy sidewalk.

“I want to eat this everyday forever.”

“I did that for like two weeks when I first moved here. I wouldn’t advise it.” 

They sit for a while, sharing a short ledge against a wall in a small, poorly lit empty parking lot wedged between two office buildings. The deep red colour of the bricks and the plants that climb the wall give it a cozier feel, like they’re not in centre of a huge, urban metropolis. It’s speckled about with other people doing the same thing; some standing, some sitting on the curbs.

At first it’s quiet, just scattered distant chatter, while both of them are chewing away; Kelley _really_ acquainting herself with the flavours of this delectable second dinner. Hope has settled in too close, their elbows occasionally knocking into each other, and she laughs every time Kelley pouts when she drops a piece of food. 

When the surrounding noises pick up, so does their conversation. It’s a lot easier to open up in person and that’s exactly what they do.

Hope tells Kelley about how a shoulder injury and a chronic knee problem are the reasons she coaches soccer now, instead of plays it. She still does like to play, she says, but can’t at same level in which she did in college. Kelley invites her to play a game, or at the very least watch one with her intramural team one day and Hope says she’ll think about it.

Then they talk and laugh about their families, favourite TV shows, how they grew up. Hope still continues to make fun of Kelley for being a debutante because even she can’t see it.

It’s nice, their conversation. It’s simple, natural, and at its most basic foundation, it’s a connection. Kelley’s favourite part is that it’s _personal,_ not just letters and abbreviations. 

Then she accidentally lets her inner nerd shine bright when she starts talking in movie quotes.

“Eat my shorts,” she says, after Hope takes a jab at her.

“What?” Hope furrows her eyebrows and Kelley almost looks offended that maybe she’s never seen _The Breakfast Club_ before.

“Eat my shorts?” she repeats slower. But then right on cue Hope blurts out. 

“You just bought yourself another Saturday!”

They’re both laughing now, Kelley relieved that she doesn’t have to school Hope on “one of the greatest movies ever.”

And then she’s kind of surprised and impressed when Hope actually runs with it and they end up having an entire conversation in just movie quotes, none of which even come from the same movies, which makes it all the more better.

Hope then starts quoting _Forrest Gump,_ one of Kelley’s all time favourite movies. It’s when she’s putting on a terrible southern accent that doesn’t remotely sound southern, that Kelley realizes just how funny Hope actually is. She might wear this statuesque façade of being tough as nails and daunting, but she’s so much than that. Now, and even through text messages, she has this razor sharp wit that begs to be tested and she’s just so damn _intelligent_.

It kind of makes Kelley wonder what a person like Hope is doing giving any amount of time to a person like her; a teenager who can barely navigate four blocks without getting lost, or who locks herself out of her room at least once a week, or who manages to burn ramen noodles.

But if there’s anything that Kelley’s learned from being in New York City, it’s that sometimes the most unlikely people make for the best kinds of friends.

-

 

Bellies full and laughter light, Hope walks Kelley back to her dorm since they’re close by and it seems like the polite thing to do. They unconsciously take the longer and quieter route; zigzagging through small streets and behind buildings, walking in the shadows of street signs and overhangs. Hope cuts her pace in half and stays close to Kelley.

Kelley walks a little taller, feeling a confidence boost and adrenaline rush that Hope actually genuinely seems to like her. On occasion, she purposely sways into Hope, edging her off her straight path, but Hope does it right back, almost knocking Kelley into a signpost.

“Hey, rude,” Kelley says. Hope hadn’t expected her to be so light and she laughs, tugging her back and giving her shoulder an apologetic squeeze 

“Sorry. You’re small.” 

“I’m not small, you’re just tall.”

“Actually, I'm the shortest in my family.”

Kelley cranes her neck up.

“Yikes.” 

The streets are alive with people and commotion; noises off all caliber; and the lights are bright, hazing them in a soft neon glow. Kelley is almost dreading it when they reach the subway station just around the corner from her building where Hope has to leave her.

An old man donning a boater hat and tattered trench coat tries to sell them some red roses out of a white pail. The brim shades his eyes and he smells of tobacco and cough drops. 

“Beautiful roses for the beautiful ladies,” he says. They both eye them like they’re actually thinking about it but then both politely decline.

“I had a good time tonight,” Hope says, standing by the edge of the stairs. Her hands in her pockets and her eyes are flickering up and down Kelley, like she’s trying to remember her. 

“Yeah, me too,” Kelley says. She might be something along the lines of smitten, can’t stop smiling. “Thanks for the falafel. My treat next time.”

“Deal.”

They both take an awkward step forward at the same time that should end up in misplaced limbs and airy giggles, but it somehow it makes for the perfect hug.

It doesn’t linger, but it’s enough that Hope’s hair tickles Kelley’s nose and she can really smell her shampoo, which has her lightheaded for a moment; and Hope’s cheek gets pressed up against the side of Kelley’s head.

“Let me know when you’re home,” Kelley says, heart beating uncharacteristically fast. 

“Will do.” 

Hope gives Kelley’s arm a gentle squeeze and then descend down into the subway. Kelley watches as her hair flutters behind her and her grey beanie disappears into the tunnel. And yeah, fine, don’t tell Sydney and the rest of her friends, but she definitely has a stupid crush on Hope Solo.

-

 

“So how was your date?”

Syd looks up from her laptop the moment Kelley steps through the door asking the question immediately. Kelley pulls off her coat, tossing it onto the back of her chair. She wants to get defensive again, but then tries for a different angle.

“Fantastic,” she says, “she picked me up in a horse drawn carriage and we held hands all night. Then we had our falafels served to us on silver platters and we made out in Central Park.” 

Syd is looking at Kelley like she _actually_ believes it. Kelley blinks at her, bemused, and maybe a little bit concerned. She pulls her phone out of her bag to charge it only to see that there’s already a text from Hope on it.

“Girl, please. We walked to a food truck and ate in a parking lot.”

“Well I mean, that sounds pretty romantic too.” 

Kelley shakes her head. She pulls a towel and her pajamas from her dresser and slinks away to the showers, evading whatever else Syd has to say. At least there she can have some peace and quiet and be alone with her thoughts. 


	6. Chapter 5: Costumes & Sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kelley loves Halloween. Next to Christmas and her birthday, it’s one of her favourite times of the year. Not just for the candy and spooky kid decorations, it’s the days leading up to it that are what she likes to think of as one of life’s simplest pleasures."

They run into each other twice in one day. 

The first time is rushed and unfulfilling. Kelley is late for class. She’s standing impatiently at a traffic light in front of a Bank of America and just _waiting_ for the yuppie next to her to blow his cigarette smoke in her face so she can say something. The light turns green and a puff of smoke billows out of his mouth, but before anything can be done, Kelley hears her name being called behind her.

She spins, hitting the woman next to her with her backpack. Kelley might be smiling a little too hard when she sees Hope, who is just stepping out of the bank.

“Hope.” 

“Hey kid.” 

“Were you just depositing a million dollars into my bank account?”

“I didn’t realize ball gowns were that expensive.”

Kelley purses her lips and Hope grins. The light turns red again and now Kelley only has five minutes to make a fifteen-minute walk. It almost pains her to have to tell Hope she can’t stay and talk and that she literally needs to run. 

The second time is more happenstance. 

Kelley is just leaving Starbucks with the strongest caffeinated drink she can think of just as Hope is walking in. They spot each other immediately. They way that Hope’s smile widens so quickly and so warmly has Kelley’s body tingling from head to toe. Somehow it leads to them sitting and talking in the crowded café for so long that Kelley’s hair and sweater starts to smell of coffee and the baristas are looking at them and wondering when they’ll leave.

Everything changes after that day.

Their schedules are often backwards, but somehow they make it work. When Kelley has an early day or a long break, she’s meeting Hope at other cafes and quiet places around the city. They both do work usually, Kelley studying and Hope planning out soccer drills, reading, and whatever else it is that Hope does. Then other times when they’re less restricted, they meet in Central Park and even at bars to talk about nothing, anything, and everything.

Kelley’s favourite place to meet is at bars because on rare occasions, no one will ask for her ID and she’ll get away with Hope buying her a drink. And Hope is an outright flirt after she’s had as little as one beer; subtle touches and making eye contact longer than what constitutes as casual. It fuels Kelley, has her reciprocating, and it gets to a point where both of them are confident enough to carry out these actions when they’re not drinking, like when they’re just quietly sitting on couches in cafes or just walking down the street.

When they’re not together, they text to the point in which Kelley has to actually turn her phone all the way off during class so she’s not distracted by it. They’ve even had to set time boundaries for when’s the earliest they can start texting.

Call it fate, call it whatever, but this is slowly turning into one of the best (and maybe strangest) friendships that either of them has ever had. 

* * *

 

Kelley loves Halloween. Next to Christmas and her birthday, it’s one of her favourite times of the year. Not just for the candy and spooky kid decorations, it’s the days leading up to it that are what she likes to think of as one of life’s simplest pleasures.

It’s the _true_ mark of autumn. 

It’s the change in the weather, the yellow and orange leaves crunching beneath her feet; it’s the warm mugs of tea, the ever-present smell of cinnamon and bonfires; hats, scarves, big sweaters.

And then there’s the pumpkin carving that for the first time ever, she won’t be able to do with her siblings. A little disheartening, but at least she won’t be subject to the inevitable pumpkin-gut fight that will break out. It’s much like the _Christmas Disaster of ‘02_ , except mom has no moral high ground in banning pumpkins because she loves it just as much as the kids and always gets involved.

A lot of that small town charm gets lost in the big city, especially on campus, but Kelley doesn’t fret it much. She’s already forced Syd into hanging flashing pumpkin lights above their window and there’s a skeleton cutout taped to the outside of their door.

There’s never a wrong time to start a new tradition.

* * *

 

“So, how do I look?”

Kelley steps out from behind the thick curtain of the fitting room presenting herself in front of Syd. The lack of lighting offers nothing to flattery. She’s only ever been to a thrift store once before, but apparently it’s the best place to shop for Halloween costumes. Somewhere amongst the racks, Tobin and Ashlyn are digging around too.

“Hmm,” Syd strokes her chin, eyeing Kelley up and down. Her plaid shirt is tucked into a pair of khaki shorts held up by a pair of suspenders. Syd gets the gist of what she’s going for. “This is good, we can work with this.”

“Work with what?” Kelley adjusts the suspenders, loosening the buttons on her shirt. “This isn’t good enough?”

Syd snorts. 

“Kelley, we’re going to a college Halloween party. You really wanna go dressed like you’re still in middle school? You gotta…take some risks.”

Kelley looks apprehensive. She’s a risk taker for sure, but she knows better than to trust Syd with this sort of thing. 

“I’m honestly afraid to ask.” 

Syd grins and Kelley can _see_ the gears turning in her head and she doesn’t like it one bit. 

“We’re gonna turn you into a _sexy_ nerd.”

* * *

 

“You should invite Hope tonight.”

Sydney is twisted sideways, arms behind herself and mumbling into her shoulder awkwardly trying to adorn the tail of her highly risqué Catwoman costume. It’s essentially just tiny patches of black leather and lots of fishnet.

Kelley’s on her bed popping the lenses out of the fake glasses Ashlyn bought her from a street vendor to add to her costume. 

“Why?”

She acts nonchalant, as if the mention of Hope’s name doesn’t spike her heart rate at least a little bit because god only knows it does when she sees it light up on her phone or when they’re hanging out.

“Why not? Aren’t you guys like best friends now or something?” 

Kelley shrugs.

“You hang out with her more than you’re on campus. I’ve barely seen you in the last two weeks.” Syd finally gets the tail onto her costume and she spins in front of the mirror, checking herself out. “And it’s not like you guys don’t text all day every day.”

“Who says- “

“I know by the way you’re always smirking that it’s not David or your sister. Unless you’ve met someone you haven’t told me about.”

Kelley says nothing. Syd is right about all of it and she has this uncanny ability that’s both equally terrifying and remarkable to read Kelley like an open book, although it’s not like Kelley doesn’t already wear her emotions on her sleeve. Syd is watching Kelley get flustered, who hides her blush by turning around to change out of her shirt and into a normal bra, not one of the million sports bras she has.

“You know,” Syd says gently, sensing some distress, “I’m not saying you do, but it’s okay to like a girl. I’ve had my fair share of girl crushes. Doesn’t mean anything unless you want it to.” 

“I don’t have- “ Kelley starts, pulling her shirt back on. To her relief, Tobin and Ashlyn literally dance through the door already dressed to go, saving her for the time being.

“It’s party time, weirdos,” Tobin says.

She looks ridiculous in her Dora the Explorer costume, outfitted with a backpack and all. She’s even got a plush fox with her and despite Syd’s efforts to try and get her to go as something else, something more mature, Tobin had been hell bent on this costume. And no one is surprised that Ashlyn dresses as Superman; tight blue leggings, red underwear, a cape. Albeit the blonde hair and femininity, the resemblance is eerily spitting. 

“You losers ready to go?” Ashlyn says, taking on a typical Superman stance, one hand on her hip, the other fisted into the air.

“Almost,” Syd says, helping Kelley with her bowtie. “There. Should we tie your hair into pigtails for the ultimate look?”

“Not a chance.” Kelley clips on her suspenders, the green of it clashing with the blue and red plaid of her shirt that’s been cut short and tied in the front. She runs her hands across her bared abdomen, feeling more exposed than ever. It’s both liberating and scary. She did however forgo the shorts for leggings, something warmer. “I’m not trying to be someone’s fetish.”

“Okay, fine,” Syd picks up the plastic glasses. “Don’t forget these, though.” 

-

 

The bar is _loud._ It’s been rented out specifically for students and the arrogant frat boys are out in full force. A lot of them remind Kelley of David when he’s feeling the most full of himself and its off putting to the say the least. At first, she’s reluctant to take off her hoodie until the heat of all the bodies starts to settle _._ The upside is that she’s not wearing a ball gown. 

All four girls stick together mostly, Syd sometimes getting lost in the crowd. Ashlyn tries to buy a drink but gets IDed and denied, and Tobin is as Tobin does and casually bobs and sways to the music. At least she’s having fun. 

Kelley is having fun too, her costume earning some unsolicited attention. It gives her a confident boost though, to know that people are noticing her. Although, she pays far more attention to her phone most of the night than she does to anything else; even the cute guy who’s dressed as the Hulk and rips off his shirt and offers to buy her a drink. 

She _had_ actually tried to invite Hope to the party earlier this morning, but Hope doesn’t _do_ parties, especially frat ones.

_too many dumb kids_ she had texted, to which Kelley’s response was:

_hey i’m the same age. maybe younger. what does that make me? chopped liver?_

Instead of getting a text response, Kelley’s phone had started ringing. 

“Well, you’re different,” Hope corrected, “You’re not some horny frat boy with questionable motives.”

“You don’t know that.”

Hope laughed, offering her a rain check.

-

 

Eventually, Kelley does oblige to the Hulk, allowing him to buy her a vodka cranberry. They talk for a while. His name is Jose, a third year engineering student (a huge step up from David, honestly). He’s cute for sure, Kelley getting a distant thumbs up from Syd, and he’s definitely nice, but when he realizes Kelley is less interested in him and more interested in her phone he goes elsewhere.

It’s a relief for Kelley who finds her way to the dance floor with Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn dancing in her Superman costume is absolutely laughable and not in the “I’m laughing with you” kind of way, but the “I’m laughing _at_ you” kind of way. She has about as much rhythm as a fish flopping on dry land and her booty popping, if it can even be called that, is just short of traumatizing. Her cape twirls behind her, smacking random people.

Eventually, they end up sitting for a while, annoyed by all the thrashing bodies trying to dance on them. There are only so many times that stray hands can land on their hips before the frustration sets in.

“I wish Ali were here,” Ashlyn says, well shouts rather, as she’s sliding into the booth. Kelley shrugs understandingly.

“Well at least this way she’s not subjected to your terrible dancing.”

“ _Hey-_ “Ashlyn begins to protest, but in fact, Kelley has a very valid point.

Moments later, Tobin and Syd emerge from the crowd joining them, both with beers in each hand.

“Yo, how’d you get these?” Ashlyn is almost bouncing in her seat like a child.

“Syd’s got connections,” Tobin says, sliding a beer to Kelley. It’s a little more watered down than ones that Hope buys her, but after a few sips, she starts to tolerate it. 

In between all that, she still manages to give Hope live updates of everything that’s happening. And Hope is always enabling her by replying to each text. Kelley’s never sent and received so many winky faces in her life.

After two beers, Kelley excuses herself to the bathroom and Syd follows, hand in hand.

The bathroom smells like, well, a bathroom. The static humming of the fluorescent lights, the coolness radiating off the ceramic tiles, and just the sudden change in atmosphere has Kelley realizing that she’s not as sober as she thought. She stands, hip against the sink ledge, and pulls her buzzing phone out the front pocket of her shirt. Syd is right in front of her and she wills herself so hard to not smile, but she can’t help it.

“Mhm,” Syd folds her arms, trying to hold back her own knowing smirk. Kelley quickly tucks her phone back into her pocket and darts into a stall. “You can run, but you can’t hide,” Syd says, taking the adjacent one.

“I don’t know _what_ you’re talking about,” Kelley feigns. 

“Like, do you even know where we are? Your nose has been in your phone all damn night.”

“So? You don’t know who I’m texting.”

“ _Kelley_.”

They wash their hands in silence, but Syd is doing that thing again where she just _stares_ at Kelley, her eyes annoyingly insistent like she’s reading her and Kelley _knows_ she isn’t escaping this one. Two girls dressed in matching eighties aerobics costumes exit the bathroom and when the door shuts behind them, Kelley finally confesses. 

“Fine, okay? I might…have a crush…or something on Hope. Are you happy?”

Syd’s face can barely contain her smile and she’s hopping weirdly on her toes, like she has to pee again. “I _knew_ it! I mean, no one’s gonna be surprised, but I’m just glad you could finally admit it.” 

Kelley rolls her eyes and her phone is buzzing again.

“Can we like, not make a big deal of this? We’re _just_ friends and it’s not like I want to date her or anything. I just- she’s just- “ but Kelley fumbles on the words and before anything else can happen, Syd is lunging forwards, her eyes excited, and she’s wrapping Kelley in her arms.

“Aw, my little Kelley has her first girl crush!” she squeals, crushing the air out of Kelley.

Kelley doesn’t reciprocate the hug; instead she just stands there, awkwardly resting her chin onto Syd’s shoulder. She’s hoping she doesn’t regret it this, but she also doesn’t tell Syd how she’s kind of, sort of grateful that she’s been as cool and open about this as she has.

“Okay, okay” Kelley wriggles out the vice grip, “let’s go before they think we’re pooping.”

Kelley really knows how to ruin a moment.

-

 

Kelley dances through a few more songs, doing her best to ignore the constant buzzing against her chest and making uncomfortable small talk with drunk guys trying to flirt with her. Jose tries again and actually gives Kelley his number written on a napkin, which she absently tucks into her pocket, but the rest of his efforts are futile.

When Kelley realizes that everyone else is back at the table, she quickly relieves herself and joins her friends, but not before of course checking her phone.

“Hey,” Kelley says, pulling her hoodie out from under Tobin, “I think I’m going to head out.”

“What!” Ashlyn seems genuinely shocked and definitely drunk. So much for respecting that legal drinking age. “Don’t be a party pooper!”

“Yeah,” Tobin adds, pouting, “it’s not even that late! What are you even leaving for?”

Kelley looks to Syd, who for once isn’t going to give her any shit. Then she just shrugs nonchalantly. 

“I’m gonna go hangout with Hope.” 

Ashlyn’s prior disappointment quickly turns around, a huge smile playing at her lips and her eyes growing wide. Not that Syd had said anything, but she still attempts to subtly kick Ashlyn under the table. It’s ineffective when Ashlyn flinches and glares. Kelley can appreciate the sentiment.

Tobin is just half smirking, half disinterested because she’s figured it out along time ago. It’s not that she doesn’t care, because she does, it’s just that it’s not something that needs to be made into any kind of deal.

“At least stay and do one tequila shot first,” Syd offers, knowing that Kelley won’t say no. And she’s right.

Kelley does the shot. Okay, two.

-

 

Hope is waiting exactly where she says she’s going to, at the end of the street next to a mailbox. She’s standing collectedly, back against a lamppost that hazes her in orange light, ankles crossed and watching the bar for Kelley. It’s cooler tonight than it has been all week, tiny white puffs of breath expelling from in between her lips; she buries her face into her scarf.

She too had been at a nearby bar with her friends, but when the opportunity to see Kelley arose, she couldn’t turn it down. Especially knowing that Kelley might be drunker than she’s ever been, something she just had to witness. 

Finally, Kelley drifts out of the bar and the first thing Hope notices are the giant glasses. Before Kelley is even close enough that Hope can make out the rest of the features, she’s laughing at how ridiculous she looks.

And Kelley can already hear Hope laughing before the music of the bar fades, muffled and muted through glass and brick. She’s definitely a little inebriated, the better of her judgments dulled by the alcohol. She takes off into a light jog and more than happily throws her arms around Hope, who is just as eager, as if they hadn’t seen each other just yesterday.

“Hey, drunky,” Hope says, the breath of it tickling Kelley’s ear. Kelley lifts her fake glasses to the top of her head when they pull apart. 

With this level of alcohol in their veins, it’s so hard to deny that undercurrent that often surges between them. The one that happens when they “casually” flirt, that Kelley tries to ignore because they’re _just_ friends and she’s still trying to figure out what David (and all of this) means to her. And also because they’re both straight. She thinks. Well, more so Hope, maybe.

“I’m not drunk,” Kelley states, the hint of a southern drawl dancing on the tip of her tongue, “but I’ve been drinking.”

“I know.” Hope waves her phones in the air. Kelley can’t tell if her cheeks are warmed and flushed because of Hope or because of the alcohol. Both, probably.

“I didn’t take you for a tequila girl.” 

“Neither did I.”

“So this is what a hot nerd is supposed to look like?” Hope plays with Kelley bowtie, inspecting it. Her finger accidentally grazes the underside of Kelley’s neck. “Looks more like a…schoolgirl.”

“I’m a _sexy_ nerd, thank you very much. And you can also thank Syd, but I think I might have missed the mark for sexy.”

“Hard to be sexy in hoodie, yeah.”

“Well, you’ll be surprised to know that the hoodie isn’t part of the costume.” 

Hope eyes are teasing and she lifts a sarcastic eyebrow, giving Kelley a painstakingly slow once over. Kelley tries to not read into it, but can’t control the way her pulse quickens. 

“There’s more?”

“Uh…” Kelley places her hand over the zipper of her half zipped hoodie. “No.” 

“Let me see,” Hope says, a cunning smile playing at her lips and a flash of something growing in her eyes, but Kelley doesn’t budge. “Oh, come on.”

Kelley shakes her head shyly. The last thing she needs is for Hope to see her in this abysmal costume that she herself is barely at terms with. If David ever found out she was wearing something like this, he would surely disapprove. But then Hope takes a distracting, but calculated a step forward and manages to peel away Kelley’s hand and unzip the hoodie. 

The cold air hits Kelley’s stomach in a sudden burst, resulting in only goosebumps and shivers. She can almost smell the beer on Hope’s breath from here.

Hope studies the costume quietly, her eyes flickering down and settling on the exposed skin. 

“Cold?” It’s practically a whisper, her hand still around Kelley’s wrist.

“Maybe.” Kelley’s breath hitches in the back of her throat. She’s partly waiting for a scoff, or a laugh, or some remark about her being such a kid. Instead, Hope finds the suspenders and lets out a surprised laugh.

“Lame, huh? So not sexy.” 

“I don’t know,” Hope shrugs. It isn’t like they haven’t teetered this line before. She tugs lightly on the suspenders and Kelley involuntarily takes a step forward, crowding Hope’s personal space. As usual Hope does nothing to push her away. “I kinda like it.”

Kelley forgets to breathe.

-

  

They find themselves in a semi-crowded Central Park walking in aimless circles around the lake. Hope threatens to push Kelley in, arms wrapped around Kelley’s chest from behind, biceps trapped, and guiding her towards the water. Kelley shrieks and clings on for dear life gripping at Hope’s wrists.

“If I go in, you go in.”

They waver at the edge for a moment, Kelley pushing backwards into Hope until Hope finally pulls her back, laughing.

“Ass.”

That’s exactly how it goes most days; sometimes the casual “accidental” flirting gets turned up. It’s little things like finding excuses to touch each other – picking imaginary lint off of each other, thighs pressed against each other on the subway, or playful hugs that lead to Hope keeping an arm around Kelley. Even tonight it’s Hope snapping Kelley’s suspenders just because she thinks it’s funny and it irritates Kelley.

Hope would never let on that it’s because she thinks they look sort of hot and Kelley would never let on that she likes it.

-

 

It’s late now and the bench they’re sitting on is cold.

The wind blows and Kelley shivers, pulling her zipper higher. She’s not dressed as weather appropriate as Hope is and Hope takes her scarf off and wraps it around Kelley’s neck before she can even protest.

“Thanks.”

“Just don’t drool on it.”

“No promises.”

Kelley yawns and her head finds its way to Hope’s shoulder. The alcohol has fizzled out, but Hope’s hand still finds its way to Kelley’s knee and Kelley feels this deep pull in lower abdomen when the fingers drag against it. 

“Tired?” 

Kelley nods. 

“Come on then, nerd.” Hope stands, pulling her up. She drapes an arm around Kelley’s shoulder as she so often likes to do. “You can stay at my place, I have a pullout.”

- 

 

“Here, kid.”

Hope throws a pillow and a blanket at Kelley before pulling out the couch. Kelley takes a moment to look around the apartment from where she’s standing. It’s nice and spacious and the strange artifacts hanging on the walls give it a more personal, mature touch.

The kitchen in particular is what most draws Kelley’s eye. It’s so modern; stainless steel fridge and stove, what looks like granite counter tops, white trim. It’s sort of like her kitchen back home, but smaller and far less cluttered. Hope even has the same gigantic, multi functional coffee machine. Aside from that, there isn’t much else. A shelf with some DVDs and books, a flat screen TV, some plants, and most surprising, an Xbox.

“I didn’t know you played games.” 

“I don’t often, though I do occasionally like to drive really fast and commit robberies.”

“Oh okay, so like real life then.”

It’s like every time Hope winks, Kelley feels a tiny part of her come undone, her hairs standing on end. Even in stupid text messages.

“Need something to wear?” Hope asks, heading into her bedroom. “Sure,” Kelley responds, eyes following her, “a shirt would be great.”

Seconds later, a t-shirt comes flying through the door and Kelley catches it, unraveling it and inspecting the front. 

“Britney Spears? Really?”

Hope peaks her head out of the door. “Hey, I was a kid once too, you know.”

“You were? It just seems like such a long time ago.” Kelley grins complacently and Hope narrows her eyes dangerously. There’s no intent behind it, just another one of those challenging glimmers. 

“So, _anyways_ ,” Hope remerges in her pajamas, still watching Kelley closely, “that’s the bathroom,” she points towards the closed door next to the TV, “help yourself to anything in there. There should be a new toothbrush in the cabinet.”

Kelley changes quickly while Hope putters around the kitchen. Now that she’s completely sobered up, Kelley is starting to rationalize everything. Like why it was such a struggle for her to open up about such an innocent and juvenile crush. It’s not even because Hope is a girl, she’s finally okay with that (and _honestly_ , it’s not the first time). This is just the first time she’s never shied away from it and that’s scary for her. 

And then she’s thinking about the way Hope told her she liked her costume, voice low, eyes bright, fingers tugging at her suspenders. Kelley would have laughed in anyone else’s face if they had done that, even David’s.  

She’s so caught up in her thoughts that she startles when she turns around and is met by Hope, who’s standing maybe a little bit too close. 

“Water?” Hope extends a glass.

“Yeah, thanks.” Kelley chugs half of it. 

-

 

“So do I need to tuck you in or anything?” Hope sits at the edge of the pullout, playfully grabbing and holding onto Kelley’s ankles. “Read you a bedtime story? Kiss your forehead?”

Kelley doesn’t give herself the time to think about what Hope just said and instead picks up the blanket and rolls herself into a tight burrito and makes herself comfortable.

“No thanks, grandma.”

“Remember, I have the ability to kick you out.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

“Try me.”

Kelley winks back and it actually throws Hope for a bit, a fleeting wave of silence washing over them, tiny embers of a fire being sparked. Kelley sticks her arms out of her blanket burrito and holds them open for Hope. They’re definitely affectionate at times, but they’ve never been alone like this. 

Kelley can tell that Hope is thinking it over in her head, but then she crawls over and lays next to her, letting Kelley roll into her side and put an arm around her. It’s quiet for a while, just the sounds of their breathing.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Hope asks.

“Okay.” 

- 

 

The ending credits of _Lost in Translation_ start to roll and it’s Hope that’s fallen asleep first. She’s curled sideways, her head resting on Kelley’s shoulder and a hand absently on her stomach. 

Kelley is still awake and unwilling to move because she’s comfortable like this. She never used to feel this way when David would fall asleep on her. The hairs on his head would tickle her in a way she didn’t like and she hated the smell of his hair gel.

But cuddling with friends isn’t supposed to feel like _this,_ right? She certainly doesn’t feel this way when Syd forces herself into her bed and makes her watch old episodes of _Will & Grace._ It also shouldn’t excite her or make her heart speed up and her toes tingle when she feels Hope breathing on her neck.

But it does.

She lets her cheek press into the top of Hope’s head and for a moment, breathes in her shampoo. Hope almost pulls her in closer until she stirs and realizes where she is.

She lifts her head and blinks a few times and Kelley’s expecting her to leave and go back to her bedroom. Instead, all she does is lie down and pulls half of the blanket from Kelley to cover herself.

“I’m lazy,” she mumbles rolling onto her side, her back towards Kelley.

Hope’s bedroom is literally five feet away and Kelley can actually see her bed from here, but she doesn’t say a word. She lies next to Hope staring at the ceiling. The cold void left in the absence of Hope’s body heat makes her feel something that she can’t exactly pinpoint.

Then she’s distracted by all the things on walls. 

“Hope,” she whispers.

“Mmm.” 

“Why is there a porcelain duck with glasses staring at me?”

“That’s Ludwig,” Hope’s voice is muddled and weak, “I bought him in Vienna.” 

“Well he’s creepy. I don’t like him.” Kelley tucks herself further under the blanket and stares away from him. Hope shifts a little, her back brushing against Kelley’s arm, then leaning into it. A small sigh mixed with what sounds like a laugh follows.

“Go to bed, Kelley.”


	7. Chapter 6: Professional Flirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a string of ambiguously heated text messages; or a quick phone call, quiet and laced with an undercurrent of want that begs the company of one another.

Kelley rolling over and accidentally smacking Hope in the face is what wakes Hope up.

She squints, adjusting her eyes to the light. It’s been a while and she’s not used to the warmth next to her or the way that the pullout dips and has Kelley rolled in close. Slowly, she eases off and tiptoes her way to the bathroom, but not before she takes a moment to observe Kelley.

She’s curled tightly into the fetal position; blanket barely covering her and only one sock on. Her hair is a frizzy mess, in what hardly qualifies as a bun. Shallow breaths escape her parted lips and Hope is staring longer than she intended. She picks up the blanket that’s been half draped onto the floor and covers Kelley with it before ducking into the bathroom. 

Hope has always been a private person, slow to give way to the details of her life, and slow to trust. Most of that is a result of failed past relationships both romantic and not. Even after almost seven years with Adrian, there were still things she never felt safe enough to tell him. Her opinions are outspoken, but emotional is something she’s never been so great at.

She can’t exactly remember the last time she had a friend like this though, like Kelley. She was never able to act like this with her best friend Carli, who only lives in New Jersey, or even Abby, someone she’s known for almost half of her life.

But here is Kelley, a teenager from the Deep South, sleeping in her living room and wearing her clothes. A teenager who Hope had definitely never foreseen having _this_ kind of attraction and affection for. It’s not the attraction that concerns her, it’s the way that Kelley manages to pull at her heartstrings all the time.

And now, instead of thinking of polite ways to ask Kelley to leave, Hope is thinking of ways to get her to stay.

-

 

Kelley is awake and sitting up on the pullout when Hope exits the bathroom. She blinks a few times getting the sleep out of her eyes and then smiles lazily at Hope. 

“Howdy,” she mumbles.

“Howdy?” Hope smooths a hand over the top of Kelley’s head. “Nice hair. Sleep well?”

“You snore.” 

“I do not.”

“A little.” 

“Whatever. I’m gonna make some coffee, do you want some?” 

“Hell yeah,” Kelley says before groggily stumbling her way to the bathroom. 

-

  

Kelley makes herself comfortable on a chair at the tiny dining table; her chin resting on the back, and watching Hope. She moves around swiftly, setting two mugs out on the counter and then digs around in the cupboards and fridge.

“I don’t know about you,” Hope says, “but I need breakfast. Pancakes? Waffles? I have bacon.”

“You had me at breakfast,” Kelley maneuvers to a bar stool to be closer to the action, her feet dangling high off the ground. Hope closes the fridge door and leans her elbows on the counter across from Kelley, looking at her with measure and a slightly raised eyebrow. 

“But I’m out of milk,” she says it like it’s a secret, “can I trust that you won’t burn down my apartment if I run up the street to the bodega? Or that Ludwig and my TV will still be here when I get back?”

Kelley mirrors Hope almost exactly, studying her with even more intent. She momentarily gets lost in how vivid and heated her eyes are.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.” 

-

  

Kelley takes advantage of her alone time in Hope’s apartment not to snoop, but just to _look._

She looks at the picture frame that hangs above the TV, assuming that it’s a family portrait with her brother, Marcus, and her parents. Marcus doesn’t really look like Hope, but Kelley definitely sees the resemblance within her dad. Then she peaks into Hope’s room from the doorway. It’s neat, the bed made, the dresser organized, laundry in the hamper where it’s supposed to be and not scattered on the floor or back of chairs; Kelley can only hope to one day be as organized.

Next she prods around the kitchen, investigating the fridge. Kelley’s mom had always said that you could tell a lot about a person by what they kept in the fridge. There’s a bunch of Tupperware filled with leftovers, some juice cartons, eggs, bacon, and an entire drawer filled with greens. But then she’s not sure what to make of the six-pack of beer and what looks like a slice of chocolate cake.

Then Kelley has an idea. She’s never made pancakes or waffles from scratch before (the extent of her cooking only goes so far boiling water and preheating the oven), but she figures the least she could do as a thank you to Hope for being so hospitable is to help get breakfast started. She scavenges the cupboards for mixing bowls and raids the tiny pantry for what she thinks are the appropriate ingredients. 

-

 

Hope makes a speedy return carrying a carton of milk in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other. She climbs the stairs with the irrational thought that Kelley has robbed her and will open the door to an empty and ransacked apartment. Instead, what she finds when she turns her key into door and pushes it open with her foot is much more troubling. 

There’s flour everywhere, a broken egg on the floor, and when Kelley turns around eyes wide, pop sensation Britney Spears is also covered in flour, and is that…butter on Kelley’s face?

Hope just stares, speechless and bewildered. 

“Oops,” Kelley swallows, nervously waiting for a reaction.

And then they both burst out laughing. 

-

 

It’s a lazy Sunday by all means.

Kelley might have homework to do, but she’s in no rush to leave and Hope is no rush to ask her to. They eat sitting next to each other at the counter, Kelley angled slightly sideways and their knees and thighs pressed together. Half of breakfast is them laughing at absolutely nothing, and the other half is Hope watching Kelley play with her food before she eats it.

“Is this what they taught you in Cotillion classes?”

“Perhaps,” Kelley mumbles, a mouth full of food.

“You should get your money back.”

Then Kelley tries to help clean up after breakfast, but is shooed away. Hope puts her hands low on Kelley’s hips and slowly walks her out backwards.

“You’ve been banned from all kitchens, ever.”

“Fine by me,” Kelley shrugs, “less work on my end.” It’s like this at home too. She tries to help in the kitchen, but only ends up creating more work for everyone else.

Kelley does end up folding the couch back together and cleaning up her mess. She tries to check her phone, but it’s dead. She hopes that the last text she sent to Syd actually went through and that no one is filing a missing person’s report.

“Can I watch TV?” Kelley asks, flopping onto the fake leather.

“Sunday morning cartoons?” Hope’s voice gets lost in the running water, but Kelley still hears. She turns around, peaking over the back of couch. Her eyes meet Hope’s and they’re both smiling. 

“Maybe.”

-

 

They end up watching a documentary about African birds on the Discovery Channel, which surprisingly wasn’t Kelley’s idea. Hope leaves a weird amount of space between them, but then excuses herself to the bathroom and when she comes back, sits closer. Not so subtle.

They lean into each other much like they did last night, but somehow, amidst the struggle of trying to get comfortable, Kelley winds up sprawled out on the couch with her head resting in Hope’s lap. Hope’s arm is lying awkwardly across Kelley’s body, a hand draped and splayed over her stomach while the other has nowhere to really go. It finds itself tangled into Kelley’s hair, absently combing through it.

“You’re going to put me to sleep if you keep doing that.” 

“Sorry.” 

“I didn’t say _stop._ ” 

Kelley tries to offer insight about the documentary, but ends up making stupid jokes instead because what the hell does she know about African birds? Nothing. Hope only rolls her eyes at some of them.

What Kelley does know is that there’s a hand drumming lightly on her stomach and it’s highly distracting.

Amazingly (and maybe unfortunately), they make it through the riveting hour long special without making any kind of advances on each other. Though there was one questionable moment when Hope’s fingers accidentally grazed the bare skin of Kelley’s stomach and both of them pretended to not notice the eruption of goosebumps and shivers that followed.

But then Kelley might be imagining it when she sits up and Hope’s hand falls to the inside of her thigh when she gets up to answer her phone. 

“That was Abby,” Hope says almost mournfully. “Business beckons. You want a ride back? I’m headed that way.”

-

 

The car ride is mostly silent, just the radio playing quietly. Somewhere between Hope tugging on Kelley’s suspenders and now, something’s changed. The tension that sits between them has grown; it’s more exciting now, more electric. It goes relatively (and painfully) unacknowledged, aside from careful glances and their knuckles occasionally bumping over the centre console.

Of course they could keep their hands in their lap, but what fun is that.

Kelley tries to not read _too_ far into the situation again, the flirting and the touches, but how could she not when it’s all _so_ deliberate now. The strangest part, the part that she doesn’t really understand is that they’re both acting like this is just so damn _normal._ Like it doesn’t warrant some degree of conversation.

And Kelley is too nervous and uncertain to do anything about it because quite frankly, she’s never been in a situation like this. David, or anybody else had never given her the kind of butterflies and anticipation that Hope does.

Instead, she looks ahead at nothing in particular and thinks about a lot of things. Like how if she hadn’t blindly decided to take Hope’s pictures, she might have never seen her again, or if her bike hadn’t gotten stolen (she’s still sad about it), would they be the sort of friends they are now? Would she know the things she knows? 

It’s all small details, but they make the biggest impacts.

Maybe this is all in Kelley’s head, though. Maybe this is just who Hope is: Professional Flirt.

Okay, no. Not even Kelley is _that_ oblivious. It just seems so unlikely she would be getting this sort of attention from someone like Hope. Someone so self-assured and who almost married a man like Adrian.

Whether or not they want to talk about it, there’s _something_ between them.

“Thanks for the bed and breakfast,” Kelley says when they’re outside her building.

The rumbling of the engine ceases and silence fills the space. Kelley lingers, one hand on the door handle, the other still resting over the centre console.

“Anytime,” Hope says, searching for Kelley’s gaze. Her eyes might falter to Kelley’s lips for just a second, but then they’re staring into greenish hazel irises. “Text me later?” 

“I will,” Kelley says. Suddenly she’s too far into her head to be able to think straight and she’s pulling on the door handle. 

However, she is absolutely not imagining it this time when Hope squeezes her hand, letting her fingers trail the soft skin of her palm as she steps out of the car. 

* * * 

 

On Monday, Kelley anxiously awaits for her laptop to start up. Midterm grades have been posted and suddenly campus wifi couldn’t be any slower.

She nearly cries. She’s passed all of them and with highest of honours of top of that. She chair dances and fist pumps in the library and almost kisses Ashlyn, who’s sitting next to her. 

“I’d kiss you if I didn’t have a girlfriend,” Ashlyn winks. Kelley shakes her head, mildly embarrassed.

“Shut up.”

A quick email is sent to her family informing them of the good news, though Kelley’s prodigious grades have never been a surprise to them.  

It’s a huge weight off her shoulders and she practically skips all the way back to her dorm, twirling in the halls, and sighing with relief as she falls onto her bed.

-

 

On Tuesday, she gets the email she’s been waiting for. It’s a round-trip airline ticket from New York City to Atlanta and back from her parents who want her to come home for Thanksgiving. She squeals with joy, ignoring the strange looks of the people around her because she misses her family more than she ever thought she would. 

So far she’s two for two on having really good days that she doesn’t even try to rush David off the phone when he calls.

-

 

Wednesday is not as great. An inordinate amount of time is spent taking pictures of a damn tree and a street sign for another one of Adrian’s assignments. It’s cold and windy and Kelley still has other assignments to finish. She’s slightly beginning to loathe the photography class, but with the end of the semester approaching, it’ll be over soon. 

She looks forward to it.

Kelley also idly wonders if Adrian knows how close she’s been getting to Hope. Adrian hardly ever comes up in conversation anymore and if he does know anything, he hasn’t said a word.

-

 

On Thursday (and on most nights, really), the night is spent sitting in the library doing work, sometimes alone, sometimes with whomever she recognizes. By ten o’clock, Kelley’s ready for bed. But after a mildly suggestive text exchange with Hope, it seems impossible.  

Kelley lies wide-awake letting her mind wander to what it might be like kissing her. She thinks about what it would feel like, where her hands would go, where Hope’s hands would go. Would she enjoy it as much as she thinks she would? (Of course she would.) Where would it happen? How would it happen?

The scenarios are endless, her mind darting all over the place. If things continue to progress the way they have been, Kelley’s pretty certain will have her answer soon enough. It’s no coincidence the way Hope had touched her hand, almost willing her to stay in the car; or the way her hand “fell” into Kelley’s lap, brushing the inside of her thigh. It both excites her and frightens her.

Suddenly, it’s too hot under the covers that Kelley has to kick them off.

Everything has happened so quickly and spontaneously that it’s only now that she practically pouts at the thought that she has a crush on someone that she maybe shouldn’t, someone way out of her league. Even if it probably means nothing. 

Then she rereads some of the text messages because she still can’t sleep and needs a way to drown out Syd’s violent snoring. 

 

**kelley:** well i’m like a furnace in the winter. my body radiates heat all the time

**hope:** interesting. i noticed that the other day. my apartment does gets really cold in the winter…

**kelley:** i could be your personal heating pad

**hope:** you could. it’d save me a lot of money

**kelley:** does it get cold in the fall too?

**hope:** i could make it happen

  

Kelley groans quietly, face in pillow.

It takes forever to fall asleep.

* * * 

 

For almost three weeks, they tiptoe around this newfound attraction for each other.

Days are spent trying to seek each other out, most always succeeding. It’s a string of ambiguously heated text messages; or a quick phone call, quiet and laced with an undercurrent of want that begs the company of one another. It often finds Kelley riding the subway to Hope’s apartment just to hangout for a little while, or Hope meeting Kelley somewhere close to campus.

Nothing ever _happens_ though they would both be lying to say that they didn’t wish it would.

However, one day in particular after Kelley persuades Hope into watching one of her low-level soccer games (although Hope already knew she would agree to it) and a brief and awkward introduction to Kelley’s friends, the two of them ride the subway to have dinner. Hope promises the best and most authentic sushi that New York City has to offer, unlike the “fake kind” they have in the south, whatever that means. Kelley obliges, she does love a good salmon roll. Also, she owes Hope a meal.

The trains are a mess, filled to capacity during rush hour; the big coats and bags making it seem even more crowded than it is. Hope gets squished into the corner with Kelley _very_ close by. A small win in an otherwise unpleasant situation. 

They laugh and talk quietly, words shared like secrets amongst the rumbling and screeching only for each other to hear. Every so often, when Hope lowers her head to say something, Kelley will lean her forehead onto her shoulder, letting her voice run like silk through her veins. 

“You should come play with the kids I coach one day,” Hope says, the words puffing across Kelley’s forehead. Kelley looks up and she’s a lot closer to Hope’s face than she’d expected.

“Why? Cause I’m the same age?”

“I was going to say because they could probably learn a thing or two, but sure, what you said.” 

And then the train jerks to a stop disposing of some commuters, creating small pockets of space. Neither of them makes any effort to move apart. The man breathing heavily behind Kelley only makes her stand closer to Hope and then more people fill the open spaces. 

Then Hope asks: 

“So have you ever tried unagi?” 

“Ah, yes,” Kelley points and taps at her temple, “ _unagi_ ,“ but then shakes her head and says, “I only know what that is because of _Friends_.” She shifts a little, her arm trapped in between herself and the door. Hope’s arm is there too, her hand lightly brushing against Kelley’s far a little too lingering for it to be accidental.

“Well, prepare yourself. You’re having some.”

“Okay,” Kelley shrugs, like it’s nothing. Hope grins, sort of, she’s suddenly too busy counting the freckles on Kelley’s cheeks now that she’s standing so close.

“Really?” 

“Why not?” Kelley reaches up with her free hand, playing with the tassels on Hope’s scarf, “I like to try new things.” 

“Is that so.” It’s more of a clarification than anything else and Hope’s eyes seem to be everywhere on Kelley, hard and questioning, like they’re looking for something.

Kelley shoots her a challenging look. 

And that’s when Hope sort of deliberately curls her finger around Kelley’s pinky. She’s testing the waters, seeing how far she can push Kelley because as far as Hope’s concerned, they’ve been pushing buttons since Kelley signed off a text with _“xo ;)”_ a few nights after they had hung out for the first time.

Hope waits a second to see if Kelley will pull away and when she doesn’t, she takes Kelley’s ring finger too and then they’re lightly holding hands, like it’s accidental and playful, both too shy to fully commit to it.

It sends a shockwave of tingles up Kelley’s arm and she starts to feel it everywhere.

“Variety is the spice of life,” Kelley finally breathes.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Hope says and they’re both smart enough to know they’re not talking about sushi anymore.

* * *

  

The night before Kelley leaves to go home for the long weekend, Hope calls.

She’s drunk; the alcohol is thick on her words making them slower and overly articulated. The music from whatever bar she’s at rattles through the phone and Kelley forgoes her packing (shoving the necessary clothes into a duffel bag) for a bit.

“I’m just saying, I wouldn’t mind having your company at this bar right now. I think Abby’s on her seventh shot.”

Kelley half smiles, half frowns. The thought of a drunken Hope requesting her presence makes her wish she didn’t have so much to do tonight, but the thought of a drunken Abby, knowing what she’s like when she’s sober, worries her. She perches herself cross-legged at the edge of her bed and the music from Hope’s end of the line crossfades into the sounds of cars driving by.

“You know I would love to, but I’m highly behind schedule and my flight is at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow.” 

“The ass crack of dawn, huh?”

“Satan’s ass crack.”

Hope laughs and Kelley doesn’t even realize she’s closing her eyes to the sound of it. Even through the phone, something about the eagerness in Hope’s voice gives the night a different vibe; different in a way that it has Kelley sort of wishing she wasn’t about to leave the city for four days.

“I wanna tell you something.” 

“If it’s that you’re drunk, I know.” 

“I didn’t come back to the gallery to see Adrian or Abby. I came back because I was hoping I’d run into you again.” 

The line goes quiet, Kelley’s mind suddenly working overtime. She bites at her lip, her pulse quickening, and picks at a thread on her sock until it leaves a tiny hole.

“I guess you made it worth your while, then.”

“I might have.”

“Did you also plan on having my bike stolen?”

Hope laughs quietly and Kelley closes her eyes again, pressing the phone into her ear and melting into the bed.

“No, I can’t take credit for that one, sorry.”

Distant car honks can be heard in the background, but the loudest sound is Hope’s smile. Kelley can feel it and it has her beaming in return, her heart fluttering in her chest like intoxicated butterflies.

“Well I’m glad you stopped your car for me.”

“I don’t waste my gas for just anyone.”


	8. Chapter 7: Things with Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Her eyes are bright and inquisitive, listening intently to everything Hope is saying, learning the shapes of her mouth at each word she speaks."

Kelley’s the first one off the plane when it lands in Atlanta.

It’s the simple idea of people in constant motion full of energy, adventure, and stories that make her love airports as much as she does. She speed walks through the jet way, duffle bag swishing at her side. The crowds are thick with families coming and going for the Thanksgiving weekend, and the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans is sharp throughout the terminal. She bypasses baggage claim and heads to where her siblings are waiting. 

“Shit, I missed you.” 

Kelley buries her face in her sister neck, arms unwilling to let her go. Erin smells like home, like that rose air freshener that mom likes to use in over abundance. The tears have already begun to flow and Kelley can’t believe this is the longest she’s ever been away. 

“I missed you too.”

“You seem shorter.”

“ _You_ seem shorter.” 

They both giggle through sniffles until Jerry clears his throat behind them. Kelley spins around, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Don’t worry Jer Bear, I didn’t forget about you.” She wraps her arms around her brother and rises to her tiptoes to place a hard kiss on his cheek, his stubble scratching at her nose. He also smells like home, but sweatier. “I missed you too.”

“Glad to have you home, sis.”

-

 

**kelley:** touchdown in the ATL. how’s it goin in the NYC?

**hope:** terrible. the rain isn’t helping my hangover

**kelley:** not surprised ;)

-

 

The thirty-minute drive home from the airport is a constant back and forth of rapid-fire questions. It’s everything they don’t get to talk about on Skype or through text messages. Basically, it’s half an hour of screaming and bickering about everything and nothing. 

In between the chaos, Erin watches Kelley from the rearview mirror smirking at her phone. Jerry is oblivious, staring out the front window. 

And then they’re talking and laughing over each other again.

-

 

**hope:** i’m still finding flour in my kitchen where there shouldn’t be flour

**kelley:** just think of it as a souvenir from me to you

**hope:** a pretty cheap souvenir if you ask me

**kelley:** i’ll bring you something from georgia :)

- 

 

Kelley doesn’t let go of her parents for a solid five minutes.

They stand awkwardly huddled in the doorway, Kelley receiving a shower of small kisses across her face. She had never anticipated on missing home this much and now that she’s here, she almost doesn’t want to leave again.

The house is dressed to the nines in Thanksgiving decorations. Wicker baskets of tiny pumpkins and gourds embellish the living room, bushels of handpicked apples takeover the kitchen, and that nostalgic smell of a freshly baking apple pie wafts pleasantly throughout. It’s everything that Kelley loves and _that’s_ what makes this house a home.

-

 

The day is spent lounging around doing a whole lot of nothing.

After lunch Kelley takes a walk down to the lake behind the house with Erin. It’s cool, but definitely warmer than it is in New York. Twigs and leaves snap under the weight of their boots, while Olly pants and trots alongside them, kicking up mud in the process. 

When Kelley was ten, she had festooned a tire swing with Jerry to the giant oak tree that grows right by the edge of the water, shading part of the rickety dock and boathouse. The rope still hangs dependably so she climbs in and has Erin push her around for a while. This is also the place she had her first kiss with David and it simultaneously makes her cringe and brings back warm memories. It’s hard to explain the feeling.

She pulls her phone from her pocket, snaps a quick photo of her surroundings and sends it to Hope with a smiley face, while Erin rambles on about nothing in particular. 

Hope replies almost immediately sending back a picture. It’s of her frowning on the couch with a bottle of Gatorade. The caption reads: _no african birds today._

Kelley smiles.

-

 

At dinner, Kelley is subjected to a typical O’Hara interrogation.

She sits next to Jerry with mom and Erin across from them and dad occupying the head of the table. The meal is simple tonight; spaghetti and meatballs, one of Kelley’s favourites and she doesn’t bother to savour any bites because it’s been months since her last home cooked meal besides breakfast at Hope’s.

The questions start out easy. Kelley does call home when she can, but not as often as she should. Mom wants to know everything about campus, like the places she eats and studies. She also unsurprisingly drills Kelley on what her diet has been like. Kelley omits the parts about eating chocolate and popcorn for dinner. Dad is more interested how she’s doing on her soccer team.

“It’s fine, it’s fun,” Kelley says, “just frustrating when some of the people aren’t really sure what sport they’re playing.”

“Maybe you should try for the varsity team instead,” he offers, “it’ll be good for you.” 

Kelley shrugs. “Maybe. I’ve been thinking about it.” 

Then mom wants to know about all of her friends in detail; where are they from, what are their ambitions, how has Sydney been as a roommate; the questions are endless. Kelley’s more than happy to talk about them.

-

  

Kelley’s phone vibrates in the pocket of her sweater and she quickly reaches to silence it. She wills herself to not look at it, but can’t help but take a quick peek and sees Hope’s name. Dad clears his throat.

“Since when are we a family that texts at the dinner table?” 

“Sorry.”

Jerry tries to reach into her pocket to see who it is, but Kelley punches his hand away and dad hardens his gaze at both of them. Erin snickers and mom sighs.

-

 

After dinner, Jerry is bumbling around the kitchen and getting in everyone’s way while mom hovers around Kelley as she’s helping to load the dishwasher. Kelley can tell that mom is about to ask the one question she’s been hoping to avoid, the one that’s been on the tip of her tongue the whole night.

“So how are things with you and David?”

Yep, there it is. Kelley shuts the dishwasher and distracts herself by wiping down the counters. Maybe if she wipes hard enough she can erase the question, but mom’s eyes are intent. 

“Um, fine I guess.”

“Define _fine_.” 

“He calls frequently and we talk.”

“Talk about…”

Erin joins them from the dining room, leaning against the counter next to Kelley. She knows the most about David’s situation than anyone else, but still not everything. Kelley sighs.

“I don’t know. Just…things. School and stuff.”

“That’s all? Anything, you know, personal?”

Kelley tosses the wet rag into the sink and turns on the tap as strong as it goes to wash her hands and in an attempt to drown out her mom. She doesn’t want to answer so she doesn’t. When she turns the tap off, mom is still talking and Kelley catches the end of the sentence.

“…well you can talk more when his family comes over for Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday.”

Kelley darts around, wide eyed and mouth open. The water from her hands drips onto the floor and her socks. 

“ _Mom!_ ”

“What? Did you really think we weren’t going to invite them?”

“Yes!” 

“I tried to stop her,” Erin says, “but it was three against one.”

Kelley frowns, letting out a fake, but agonizing cry. Mom just opens her arms and pulls her into a hug, which Kelley nuzzles into despite how she’s feeling towards her at this moment. 

“It’ll be fine.”

“It’ll be _awkward._ ”

-

 

Much like before Kelley went off the college, Erin finds herself in her sister’s bed just before bedtime. They like to talk like this; it’s their own private time away from the rest of the family. 

Kelley scrolls through Facebook on her computer while Erin lays next to her flipping through one of Jerry’s _Sports Illustrated_ magazines. Kelley smiles at the picture Ashlyn posted of her and Ali being grossly cute in a pumpkin patch, and then laughs at the picture of Boss dressed up as a turkey. She scrolls a bit further and then sees a post from earlier in the day in which Hope was tagged with being with Adrian and some others. Kelley would definitely be lying to say she didn’t feel _something,_ but she isn’t sure what. 

She thinks it might be jealousy, but she really has no reason to be.

Beside her, Erin closes her magazine and rolls onto her stomach, her head turned towards Kelley. Kelley is still caught on up on her computer, now browsing through Twitter. 

“So when were you going to tell me about whoever this new person is you met?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Who have you been texting non-stop all day?”

“Um, my friends?”

“Do you smile and blush at all your friends texts?”

Kelley closes her computer. She places it on the floor and grabs her phone, which is laying between her and Erin and moves it to her side table, just in case. Erin watches closely.

“Like you don’t do the same.”

“Kell.” 

“Er.”

“Who is he? I knew you would find someone better out there. Is he studying to be a doctor? Maybe a lawyer? Oh my god, is he an athlete?” 

“ _Erin_ ,” Kelley presses, “will you drop it? There’s no one.” Technically, that isn’t a lie. Hope might have let a few drunken words slip last night and their friendship definitely walks a very blurry line, but that’s all it is. A friendship.

Erin gives Kelley a look, one she knows all to well, and one that’s very similar to Sydney’s looks. 

“The truth will come out eventually. I know you like the back of my hand.”

* * *

  

Thanksgiving Day is as hectic as it’s always been. 

It’s barely nine in the morning and from her bedroom, Kelley can already hear her parents scrambling throughout the house. There are dishes clattering in the kitchen, Olly won’t stop barking, and somewhere outside, Jerry is cursing loudly at the lawnmower.

There’s a text on Kelley’s phone from seventeen minutes ago from Hope that reads, “ _gobble gobble it’s turkey day_ ,” and she laughs quietly at it while she taps out a quick, sleepy reply. She scrolls through the inbox and her last message from David was three days ago, the longest he’s ever gone without contacting her. She’s not sure what to make of that, but she still dreads dinner tonight with him and his whole family.

Before Kelley can even muster enough energy to sit up in her bed, her door flies open with force. 

“It’s Thanksgiving!” Erin screams, still in her pajamas. She runs and dives onto Kelley, smothering her in a hug. Kelley groans, pushing her off and pulling the covers back over her head. 

“Five more minutes.”

* * *

 

Back in New York City, Hope finds herself in a mad dash to clean up her apartment for a Thanksgiving dinner of her own. There’s clutter everywhere and the floor needs to be vacuumed. Luckily, this year Carli has taken on the turkey duty so Hope doesn’t have to worry about that.

This is the first Thanksgiving in seven years that Hope will be celebrating as a single woman and it’s not that she minds that, it’s the fact that Adrian is still coming to dinner that unsettles her. It almost felt rude to not invite him because they’re both the closest people they have to family in the city, but now Hope is wondering if maybe it will be too close for comfort. 

She busies herself by tidying up the living room area. The couch is a mess, blankets and magazines piled on one end, and the pillowcases could definitely be changed. It’s not until Hope removes the stack of magazines that she notices a white napkin poking out of the corner, wedged between the arm and cushion.

She pulls it out and scribbled on it, it reads _José_ , a phone number, and a winky face.

Hope figures it must be Kelley’s because she’s been the only person to sleep on her pullout in a long time and the logo of the bar she was at on Halloween is imprinted onto it. Hope picks up her phone, snaps a picture on the napkin and begins to type out a text.

_who is jose and why was he in my couch?_

She lets the message blink in the text box for a moment before deleting it and the picture entirely. Whatever Hope feels next comes as a surprise to her because she simply rips the napkin in half and tosses it into the garbage. 

* * *

 

Dinner is only awkward for Kelley. 

David acts as if she hadn’t tried to break up with him and that they’re still in some kind of a relationship. He tries to hold her hand under the table and every so often, leans over to kiss her on the cheek. It makes Kelley uncomfortable to know that her mom is watching and hoping that this works out for them, but it makes her even more uncomfortable to know that Erin already knows there might be someone else.

For the most part, Kelley plays into it so as to not be rude, but as the night progresses, she becomes more irritated that David won’t back off. There’s a lull between dinner and dessert; she sneakily refills her wine glass and she might be a little tipsier than her parents would normally allow, but they seem to be pretty drunk themselves. When David’s not looking, caught up in some intense conversation with Jerry about some new video game, Kelley quietly slips away to her bedroom to call Hope. 

“Hey kid.” 

“Hey not-kid.” 

It’s noisy from Hope’s end of the line, but she sounds genuinely happy to hear from Kelley. There’s a lot of chatter, dishes clanging, and then there’s a laugh that is so distinctly Adrian that Kelley has heard time and time again during class that she can’t help the sudden pang of what she thinks is jealously again that momentarily fills her.

“Sounds like a riot back there. Was that Adrian?”

“It is and yes. I didn’t know so many people could fit into my apartment.”

“How’s dinner?”

“Good. I’m pretty full and might explode though. Hold on a sec…”

Kelley hears a door being unlatched and then the background noise ceases. They talk for a bit about nothing in particular, just what they ate for dinner, what’s been going on for the past few days. Hope doesn’t bring up the phone number she found in the couch and Kelley speaks as little about David as she can. She also does her best to avert anything that might lead to Adrian. And Hope is drunk again, or has at least been drinking. Kelley can always tell by the way she talks a little slower with a certain lilt and the way she giggles more timidly.

“Feels weird not having you in the city,” Hope says.

Kelley stands by the window, looking out onto the vast and empty estate that her house backs onto. She smiles and can almost see the lake peeking through the trees off to the far right. It’s dark, most of the light coming from the moon that reflects off the pockets of still lake water. 

“Is that your weird way of telling me you miss me?” 

“Um…” 

“It’s okay. I know you like me,” Kelley says through a cheeky grin she wishes Hope could see. Hope stays quiet, like maybe she had forgotten about her quick confession the other night. But then she does that shy giggle that Kelley finds herself loving more and more. It’s followed by a series of noises; a door opening, the chatter filtering through again, and then Abby’s voice saying, “what are you doing out here? Carli and Heather are about to start popping bottles.” 

“I have to go.” Hope lets out a breath like she doesn’t want to and Kelley is upset too that she can’t stay longer.

“Okay, yeah. I should go too. Have fun.”

“I’ll talk to you later, kid.” 

Kelley hangs up, but still stares vacantly out the window. She presses her forehead against it as Hope’s voice continues to play on a loop in her head, letting her own breath fog the glass. Suddenly there’s a voice behind her.

“Hey!”

Kelley startles and spins around. Erin is leaning in the doorframe, arms crossed, and smirking.

“Don’t _do_ that.”

“Why are you so jumpy? Who were you talking to? New boyfriend?” 

Kelley narrows her eyes and walks away from the window.

“No.”

“ _Sure._ We’re having dessert now and David is looking for you.”

-

 

The rest of the night seems to go by at a snail’s pace. David has backed off, but only slightly. He can sense that Kelley is being withdrawn and the last thing he wants to do is push her away completely. And it isn’t like Kelley _wants_ to act this way towards him, but now, instead of knowing that she doesn’t want to be with him when she looks at him, all she feels is confusion.

She has never hated David, ever. It’s just so hard when he vies so desperately for her attention but she doesn’t want it; then on the other hand, she has someone like Hope, someone she _should_ have no business feeling anything for, but that makes her come alive with so little as the thinnest of looks.

It has Kelley’s mind spiraling and then before she knows it, dinner is over and she’s standing awkwardly on the dark porch with David, while the rest of their families are still inside saying thank you and goodnight. 

“It was real good to see you tonight, Peach,” David says, taking Kelley’s hands. He smiles warmly and Kelley might feel the slightest something for a second, but as quickly as it comes, it goes. 

“It was good to see you too.” 

“Do you think maybe I can come visit you one weekend in New York?”

“Oh gee, I don’t know David. We’ll have to talk about that another time.” 

He nods, shaking the hair out of his face. He looks sad again in the same way he did the last time he saw Kelley. Kelley tries for a sympathetic smile.

“Okay, well, have a safe flight back. Will you at least call me when you land?” 

“Yes, of course.”

“Later, Peach.”

“Goodnight, David.” 

David leans forward in an attempt to kiss Kelley, but Kelley turns her head at the last second and he gets the corner of her mouth. She can feel the ego deflate out of him and then he’s walking away to his car while she goes back inside to say goodbye to his parents.

-

  

Hope sits alone in her now empty apartment perched onto a barstool, one elbow resting on the counter.

It’s a mess. Abby and Carli had tried to help clean up before leaving, but there is still food and dishes everywhere and the garbage desperately needs to be taken out. The clock on the wall reads 1:46 and she wonders if that’s too late to call Kelley. She takes her chances anyways.

The phone rings for a long time before Kelley finally answers, her voice small and soft; a quiet whisper that delicately and unknowingly to Hope, holds the edges of edges of her heart. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey, did I wake you?”

“Not really, I was falling asleep though.” 

“Oh, sorry. You drunk?”

Kelley laughs, her voice coming alive. Hope flicks a crumb onto the floor.

“Drunk on turkey and apple pie.” 

“The best kind of drunk.”

“Definitely. What’s up?”

Hope migrates from the kitchen to her bed. She’ll deal with the mess tomorrow because she’s drunk herself right now and just wants to lie down.

“Nothing really. Do you want some life advice?”

“Always.”

“Never leave Abby in charge of the drinks. _Never_.”

Kelley laughs again. “I don’t ever plan on it.”

“Good.” Hope stares at the ceiling, but when the room begins to spin, she closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath and suddenly her heart is beating a little faster; she might be seeing flashing images of Kelley. “Just to clarify, I do miss you. Maybe.”

There’s a moment of silence followed by Kelley shuffling around in her sheets. Hope would bet every last penny she has that Kelley is smiling and blushing. 

“I miss you too. Maybe.” 

Then it’s Hope that’s smiling and blushing.

* * *

  

The first thing that Kelley does when she gets back to New York and settles back into her dorm is text Hope.

Syd is back too, her bags a mess on her bed, but she’s nowhere to be found. It might be a little late and she might have early class tomorrow, but Kelley hasn’t eaten all day and is staving.

And truth be told, she just _really_ wants to see Hope. 

They meet halfway at a small Mexican restaurant that if Hope had never pointed out, Kelley would have never known of its existence. Kelley’s face lights up like a Christmas tree at the first sight of Hope and then they’re hugging tightly outside the restaurant, Kelley debating if she should kiss Hope on the cheek, but then they pull apart. Hope _does_ slowly run her hand down Kelley’s back as she holds the door open for her.

Kelley orders a burrito and Hope orders the fish tacos. Unfortunately for Kelley, tonight is a night where she can’t slip past the legal drinking age so Hope also forgoes the alcohol. It’s probably for the best, anyways.

Dinner is the worst in the best possible way. All they do is look at each other as if in four short days, they’ve forgotten what each other looks like. Kelley is still trying to figure out why she hasn’t shied away yet as history has so often predicted. No less, her eyes are bright and inquisitive, listening intently to everything Hope is saying, learning the shapes of her mouth at each word she speaks. 

The table is small too, their knees knocking (sometimes accidentally, mostly not).

Similarly, Hope’s eyes are intense with this deep, burning twinkle behind the blue. She winks slow and deliberate every time Kelley says something bold, like it’s her damn prize. 

It’s suggestive and laced with enough promise that it’s thought provoking. 

Even Hope finds herself questioning. She can’t pretend that _this,_ whatever _this_ is, is just a fluke; that there wasn’t something about Kelley the first time they met at Abby’s art gallery that hadn’t intrigued her. She can’t pretend that someone as young as Kelley isn’t one of the smartest people she’s ever met, or that she isn’t the only person that has ever been able to keep up with her wit. 

She can however say for certainty that Kelley is like no one she’s ever met before and that lately, she finds herself thinking about this freckled face teenager more often than not.

“There’s probably some nature documentary on later, you know, if you wanna educate yourself some more,” Hope says as Kelley hands her credit to the cute old lady server who’s been watching her play with her beans and salsa all night. 

“Oh gee,” Kelley mumbles into her iced tea, looking at Hope over the rim of the glass, “I’m pretty birded out from the last one, which might I remind you was _your_ idea. What’s with you and birds, anyways?”

“Ludwig is a _duck,_ ” Hope protests, drumming her fingers on the table.

Kelley takes her card back from the server, thanking her. “A duck _is_ a bird,” she corrects, confidently reaching out to hook her index finger around Hope’s. “Didn’t you learn anything from that documentary?” She’s smug, an eyebrow lifted at Hope.

“Whatever,” Hope says, squeezing Kelley’s finger in response. “Don’t _you_ know who Ludwig von Drake is? Donald Duck’s uncle?”

Kelley scoffs, reclaiming her hand. She stares at Hope with wild amusement. “And here I thought _I_ was the child.”

Hope’s mouth hangs open in mock offense. It slowly curls into a mischievous smile and then she’s reaching her long arm under the table to squeeze at Kelley’s knee.

Kelley flinches and lets out louder than expected “ow,” grabbing at the hand, stilling it in its place. She’s frozen and lost in how dark Hope’s eyes look, but still manages to narrow hers right back. 

“Shut up,” Hope says, “just come over.” 

- 

 

Kelley stares incredulously at Ludwig, her eyebrows furrowed, arms crossed. He’s perched on a wall shelf just by the TV, decked out in a green coat and his finger pointed matter-of-factly into the air. Ducks don’t even _have_ fingers. She rolls her eyes, glaring as if he’d personally offended her. 

“I still don’t trust him,” Kelley says, turning around.

“Give him a chance,” is all Hope says, standing coolly, one shoulder against the wall next to the window. The lights in the apartment are dim (not for any other reason than Hope just hasn’t had the time to turn them all on yet) and the glow from the streetlights peeps through the blinds, leaving striped shadows sloping across her face. 

She’s watching Kelley.

It’s feeling all too real all of a sudden. Kelley’s heart hiccups, the blood whirring through her veins like white water rapids. The signals have been loud and bright all night and she just needs a moment to breathe. 

“I need to use the bathroom,” she says.

-

 

Kelley really does need to use the bathroom so it’s not a complete copout. She thinks about maybe texting Syd, but what would she even say- _hey, Hope is undressing me with her eyes?_ And what would Syd even reply- _ok cool?_

It seems so silly and now Kelley is just laughing at herself. She’s the kind of person who lives off of impulses and spontaneity and now she’s hiding in the bathroom because what, she’s nervous? Nervous for something she’s been thinking about for a few weeks now? 

She washes her hands, checks her hair, and takes a mind clearing breath and exits the bathroom. 

-

 

Hope is leaning against the kitchen counter flipping through a magazine. Kelley pads in closer, each step she takes filling her with excitement and adrenaline, until she’s right next to her, elbows on the counter, shoulder to shoulder. 

“Whatcha reading?” Kelley asks, leaning in. She’s in Hope’s space now, can smell her and feel the electricity running through them. Hope flips the magazine shut, exposing the cover. 

“National Geographic. Did you know that sea turtles can hold their breath for up to five hours?” 

“Actually yes,” Kelley says, turning her body towards Hope’s. “I did a report on them once. Their heart rates can also slow down to one beat every nine minutes.”

“Wow. Nerd.” 

“Grandma.” 

Hope takes a step forward, hooking a finger through one of Kelley’s belt loops and tugging on it gently. She lowers her head.

“I’m going to find a way to erase that word from your vocabulary completely.” 

“You mean you’re not into that?” Kelley grins.

“No, not really.” Hope tugs her a little bit closer, but not enough that they’re touching. It feels dangerous, like a game. 

From this close, Kelley has to tilt her head up to look at Hope, but she can count the individual hairs of Hope’s eyelashes and see the thin layer of eyeliner she’s wearing. She places her hands on Hope’s biceps for a moment for balance, then lowers her arms and pulls Hope into a hug, letting her cheek rest on her chest.

“What’s this for?” Hope asks, her hands still awkwardly in Kelley’s belt loops. 

“What? Can’t hug my friend?” It’s Kelley’s way of slowing the pace down, but she can actually hear the way Hope’s heart beat quickens as she somewhat hesitantly returns the hug. Kelley’s heart is doing similar, beating somewhere in the back of her throat too and she’s finding it hard to concentrate on anything. 

“I’ve never been much of a hugger before.”

Kelley would have never known that, but pulls her head back manages a smile so faint it almost goes unnoticed. Then she says, “you have really pretty eyes.”

It’s the first time she’s actually seen Hope blush.

“Was that a line?” Hope says, keeping her composure intact. Kelley shakes her head.

“It was a compliment.”

Hope laughs quietly like maybe she’s just as nervous as Kelley is.

“Well, you’re charming. I guess.” 

“I know.”

That perpetual spark in Kelley’s abdomen is only heightened and is spreading like wildfire into her ribcage, setting off an eruption of goosebumps everywhere. Hope’s eyes are fluttering almost desperately up and down to Kelley’s lips that it has Kelley at a loss for any more words and her heart threatening to beat out her chest. 

For just a second, Hope lands her gaze to Kelley’s, holding it, gauging her reaction and allowing her to back out if she really wants to.

But when Kelley doesn’t move and her eyes are only looking at Hope’s mouth, that’s when Hope closes the space between them, cradling the back of Kelley’s head with one hand and then kisses her. 

-

 

It starts out hesitantly, but this is like no kiss Kelley has ever experienced before. This one is soft and gentle; Hope’s lips so easily and naturally finding their rhythm against Kelley’s.

It has Kelley feeling things _everywhere_ and this is the first time a kiss has ever made her dizzy. Then she’s wrapping her arms around Hope’s shoulders for leverage. 

Hope’s teeth graze at her bottom lip and Kelley’s sucks in a sharp breath, not sure that her knees will hold up much longer. Hope must know because she bends down securing her arms around Kelley’s waist and then lifts her up onto the counter. 

They breathe.

It grows more passionate, a reward of the intense buildup. This sense of urgency builds, as if both of them hadn’t realized how badly they had actually wanted this. Kelley wraps her legs around Hope keeping her in place. Not that she’s going anywhere. Her hands are still hesitant and cautious, though; one around the back of Hope’s neck, the other gripping at her t-shirt, trying to pull her closer. 

Hope’s hands are more confident; they’re on Kelley’s thighs, sliding up and down. It almost makes Kelley want to moan, and she does, kind of; a small strangled breath escaping her. And then those hands are discovering the skin of the small of her back.

When they pull apart, Kelley’s breath is rapid and shallow, her face definitely as red as it feels. Hope’s eyes are still closed and she’s trying to catch her breath. They’re both buzzing.

“I, um- “ Kelley tries to speak, but the words are completely lost. Her brain is a muddled mess and she’s smiling like an idiot.

Hope shares that sentiment, letting her forehead rest against Kelley’s. 

-

  

Hope decides to put a movie on. _American Beauty._ It’s just the first one she pulls from the shelf. 

Kelley waits patiently on the couch, eyes only on Hope as she struggles to work the TV and DVD player. It’s hardly a surprise that when she finally sits down they barely make through the opening credits before Hope is gliding her hands up Kelley’s thighs again and tugging at her hips and Kelley is climbing onto her lap.

The movie goes unwatched and forgotten.


	9. Chapter 8: Let the Festivities Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kelley can actually pinpoint the moment when Hope realizes that David isn’t just some random person from her past, but someone who might still be potentially present."

Kelley traces her fingers over the old and worn out grooves on her desk. The only sound to be heard other than the wearisome drone of Professor Foudy’s voice is the click and clack of her high heels against the linoleum floor as she paces across the face of the PowerPoint monitor.

The brightness of Kelley’s laptop burns her eyes and she dims the screen, willing herself to stay awake; class seems to go on forever. Kelley has no one to blame for this sleep deprivation than herself. She’s gone to bed almost an hour, sometimes two, later every night for the past week almost and it’s all because she’s either too stubborn to say goodnight to Hope, or simply can’t sleep because her thoughts won’t shut off. 

To her right, Tobin fidgets in her seat while scribbling down the chemical equations on the screen, which from the way up here, in the very last row look like lines and scribbles. To Kelley’s left, Ashlyn has stared off into space, every so often doodling in the margins of her notebook.

“Dude,” Tobin whispers leaning over, “why do I feel like we’re being punished?” 

“Because we are,” Kelley sighs, finally closing her computer in lieu of her notebook. Her retinas are still stinging. “I’m not sure how many more times I can listen to her say _tellurium_ before I go into delirium.” 

Ashlyn’s head keeps bobbing and swaying around, like her neck can’t take the weight of it. She’s desperately trying to stay alert herself. Kelley reaches over and shakes her by the arm. 

“Stay awake, Harris, you can do it.” 

Ashlyn groans, stretching out her back. Her eyes are heavy and bloodshot. “How much longer?” Kelley looks to her watch and then sighs again.

“One more hour.” 

- 

 

The class erupts into chatter and movement and Kelley powers her phone back up. She finally stands, rolling her head from one shoulder to the other and letting the blood flow back into her legs and the rest of her body. Ashlyn’s crumpled into a ball over her desk and Tobin is still writing things in her notebook.

There’s one text message from Hope from almost two hours ago and Kelley opens it eagerly. 

 

**hope:** just making sure your phone is off and you’re paying attention in class 

 

Kelley smiles at it discreetly. She hasn’t told anyone about what happened the other night because, well, there wasn’t all too much to tell. All they did was make out a little (okay, a lot) and she’s still sort of trying to process it. Syd, however, didn’t need to be told. She had found out on her own when Kelley had come back the next morning oblivious to the light lipstick stain just under her ear and the perma-grin on her face. The reaction had been priceless; Syd jumping on Kelley and pinning her to the bed, forcing the details out of her.

Kelley merely shrugged and said, “a lady does not kiss and tell.”

It’s been too many days since then and her mind can’t stop wandering and replaying everything, especially now that their text messages have gotten longer and slightly more suggestive.

 

**kelley:** it was off but that doesn’t mean i was paying attention ;) i have a two hour break btw are you nearby?

 

Tobin finally stops writing. She closes her books relieved and stuffs everything back into her backpack, while Ashlyn still hasn’t moved.

“Is she dead?” Tobin asks, slipping her arms through the sleeve of her jacket.

“It’s possible,” Kelley nudges Ashlyn in the ankle with her foot. She stirs. “Never mind, she lives.” 

“No, I’m dead,” Ashlyn’s voice is muffled, her face buried into her arm on the desk. Tobin and Kelley exchange a look and then shrug. 

“Okay, well rest in peace,” Tobin says.

“Yeah,” Kelley adds, slipping on her beanie and ushering Tobin out into the aisle, “it’s been nice knowing you.”

Ashlyn finally sits up, quickly throwing her belongings into her bag. “Okay, okay,” she breathes, “I’m coming, jeez.”

- 

 

Kelley is waiting outside the bathroom for Tobin and Ashlyn when her phone buzzes in her hand. She looks to it readily, but it’s only her brother.

 

**jerry:** hey i’m taking your longboard out for a spin hope you don’t mind

**kelley:** don’t you dare i’ll kill you in your sleep

**jerry:** too late :)

**kelley:** jerry i swear to god 

 

Kelley clenches her jaw and purses her lips. The last time Jerry had borrowed her longboard, he had first “accidentally” rode it into the lake and then later that day crashed it, cracking it down the middle. She had been furious and demanded he buy her a new one. He did, but only months later and it was half the price and the quality of the original.

She slips her phone back into her pocket agitated.

Ashlyn exits the bathroom first, dropping her bag in front of Kelley. She pulls a scarf, a hat, and a pair of gloves out of it.

“Hold these,” she says, shoving them into Kelley’s hands. She pulls the zipper of her coat up all the way until it reaches her chin. Kelley watches curiously.

“You going on an Arctic expedition or something?” 

“I’m from Florida,” Ashlyn says, wrapping the scarf around her neck, “I don’t do cold.”

“Well I’m from Georgia. And it’s not even that cold today.” 

“Yeah, well,” she says, putting on the hat and slipping on the gloves, “I’ll be the one laughing when you all have a cold and I don’t.” 

Tobin walks out the bathroom next looking disgusted and shaking her head at Ashlyn.

“You’re pathetic.” 

Ashlyn sticks her tongue out. 

Kelley’s phone buzzes again and she rolls her eyes because she’s about to have a bone to pick with her brother. When she sees Hope’s name instead, she suddenly forgets about the longboard and Ashlyn and Tobin’s bickering.

 

**hope:** i might be

**kelley:** you might be? 

**hope:** maybe

**kelley:** i don’t like this game

**hope:** just come outside

  

“Will you guys hurry it up, please?” Kelley says, her heart now beating a little faster and her palms a little sweatier. She looks towards windows that face out the front of the building, but all she sees amidst the sea of students coming in and out is a row of bikes and a garbage can. 

“Got somewhere to be?” Ashlyn asks.

“No, I- I just want to leave.”

-

 

As terrible as Kelley might be at hiding her emotions, she does it pretty well today when she’s outside with Tobin and Ashlyn, who are typically arguing about something surf related. She keeps her hands in her pockets and quietly scans her surroundings in the hopes that Hope hadn’t pulled one over her and isn’t actually here.

“No way,” Ashlyn stresses, “Huntington Beach is where it’s at.” Tobin shakes her head and waves a finger in Ashlyn’s face.

“Not a chance. You obviously haven’t been to Ocean City.” 

“Ocean City, shmocean city.” 

Kelley is about to chime in, possibly in an attempt to get them to shut up, but then her eyes like heat seeking missiles lock onto the figure that’s sitting on a bench. It’s partly shaded by a leafless tree just at the end of the walkway. 

She feels silly for getting as excited as she does, but she’s feeling more justified when Hope spots her at that exact moment and erupts into a smile.

Kelley can’t be bothered to interrupt this _enthralling_ conversation about beaches anymore that she just kind of gravitates forward. Ashlyn and Tobin stop mid sentence, exchanging some confused looks and blindly trail after her. Tobin is quick to spot Hope. 

“Do you see what I see?” Tobin says, smirking to Ashlyn. Ashlyn nods. 

“I see a hot model, yes.”

-

  

If someone were to have ever told Kelley that anyone remotely like Hope would be waiting out in the cold for her to finish class, she’d have never believed it. In fact, she’d have laughed for days. But now, low and behold and against all odds, here she is, sauntering closer in these tall brown boots and tight leggings that _do_ something to Kelley. Her eyes are everywhere.

Kelley tries her best to walk at a casual pace, to not look so eager, but the effort to hide the glow on her face is futile. She _is_ conscious of the two pairs of eyes following behind her, though. She need not any extra interrogation than the ones that Sydney already gives her. 

“Are you stalking me?” Kelley says as she approaches Hope. Hope stops about a foot away from her, also aware of the company.

“I would hardly call it stalking since you told me where you were and when you’d be done.” 

“Details, details.” 

Hope smiles with her eyes more than her mouth and she’s just always eyeing Kelley like she’s still looking for something; intrigued and smoldering. Kelley is more or less doing the same, mostly focused on her lips. 

“Sup, Hope,” Tobin says, giving her a head nod. Ashlyn smiles alongside, this time less predatory and more genuine.

“Hey,” Hope forces her gaze away from Kelley. “How are you guys?” 

“Good,” they both say at the same time. 

“Are you going somewhere cold?” Hope says to Ashlyn, one eyebrow raised. 

“She’s from _Florida,_ ” Kelley answers for her and Ashlyn just shrugs, agreeing.

“Right. Gotcha,” Hope nods. “At least you look warm.”

“Sickness prevention,” is all Ashlyn mumbles through her scarf and again Tobin just looks at her like she’s so disappointed. 

A bit of an awkward silence follows, all four of them standing around like they don’t know what they want to say. Kelley and Hope are only looking at each other and that’s when Tobin breaks the silence. 

“Anyways, I’m headed that way,” she points to the right, “you too, Ash?”

“Yeah, same, I have class again in ten minutes.” 

“Nice seeing you, Hope,” Tobin says, Ashlyn nodding in unison. “See you later, Peach.” 

-

 

“Peach?”

Hope takes a small step closer, closing some space. Kelley’s pulse quickens and all her instincts are telling her to just go for it; just kiss her again, but she doesn’t. Not out here.

“A terrible nickname from back home that I hate.”

“So I shouldn’t call you that, then?”

“Not unless you want me to start calling you grandma again.” 

Hope laughs. She takes a quick look around and when she thinks no one is looking, gives Kelley the lightest, shyest kiss on the cheek. Kelley isn’t expecting it and blushes _hard._  

“Deal.”

-

  

“So should we get out of the cold?” Hope asks. 

“Sure.” 

Kelley thinks. She had really only tried her luck when she texted Hope to see if she was nearby. She had honestly not expected to see her at least until the weekend, but now that she’s here and she has two hours to kill, she has no idea what to do. 

“My dorm is just around the corner if you want to, um, hang out for a bit,” she suggests. “It’s warm.”

Hope lifts an eyebrow, looking at Kelley like she’s crazy. “Me in a dorm? Don’t you think I’m a little too… _old_ to be in a dorm?”

Kelley hadn’t considered that, but it’s not like that’s a huge deal, right? Visitors come and go all the time and it’s not as if Hope won’t blend in anyways.

“I mean, not really,” she shrugs, “it’s not like anyone’s really going to see you and Syd has class all afternoon, so…" 

Hope’s eyes do that sparkly thing again and Kelley hadn’t actually intended on that sounding as suggestive as it did, but she isn’t about to take it back.

-

 

The walk up the stairs to the fourth floor seems longer than it’s ever been. Kelley leads the way, her hand trailing along the railing with Hope quietly behind her.

Hope is looking at her butt. Not necessarily on purpose, but because it’s just _there_ and it’s small and kind of cute. Then she quickens her pace, taking two steps at a time until she’s next to Kelley and lets her hand find Kelley’s. 

“Hey kid,” Hope says. 

“Hey not-kid,” Kelley smiles.

-

 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming here,” Hope says, stepping into Kelley’s dorm. She eyes the small space already able to tell which side is Kelley’s- the messier side. Also the pictures on the wall kind of give it away. 

“It’s not like you put up much of a fight.” Kelley pulls her coat off hanging it on the designated chair, Hope following suit. If she had known she was going to have company over she’d have tried to tidy up, but for now, kicking things under the desk will have to suffice.

“How does Syd even put up with this?”

“Hey, I might be messy, but I am fantastic roommate.”

“Whatever you say.” Hope finds a seat on Kelley’s bed, looking at her expectantly. Kelley turns to her dresser, opening the top drawer. 

“I have something for you,” she says rummaging through it and placing a stack of papers and other things from it onto the bed (yeah, fine, she has organizational issues). She pulls out a brown envelope and hands it to Hope. “Here, your photos.”

Hope looks through them carefully as Kelley stands by the dresser watching her. “Wow, these turned out great,” she says, “you did good, kid.”

Kelley smiles. “Thanks. You can have them if you want.”

“I already know what I look like, so you keep them. It was all your hard work, anyways.” 

“Okay,” Kelley shrugs, putting them back. 

The edge of a picture frame sticks out from the pile on the bed and Hope curiously pulls it out. Her eyes widen and she’s grinning stupidly. When Kelley notices, her face reddens and not in the good kind of way and she’s reaching forward to take it away.

“Oh my god,” Hope says, “is that- are you…” 

“Yes, yes, that’s me a ball gown. You already know I was a debutante.” 

“Let me see again.” Hope pulls it back, studying it. She laughs. “Those gloves are just so…and that up-do…” 

Kelley folds her arms, holding back a begrudging grin. “Are you done?”

“Maybe. So that’s David, huh?” 

“Yes,” she says quickly. There’s a small knot in her stomach because the last thing she wants to do is talk to Hope about David. “You’ve seen too much.” 

“Oh, I haven’t seen enough.” Hope is still partly laughing. Not that they ever really talk about David, but Kelley can actually pinpoint the moment when Hope realizes that he isn’t just some random person from her past, but someone who might still be potentially present. 

It’s not like Hope has any reason to be upset by it nor does Kelley owe her any sort of explanation. They’re nothing other than friends (who have made out and are probably about to again). But the fact that David has suddenly become the elephant in the room opens up the door for a lot of conversation.

A conversation that neither of them are ready to, or even want to have.

“Give me that.” Kelley takes the frame and the rest of the pile and shoves it back away before this moment has any more time to get weirder.

“So,” she says trying for a different tone. She sits cross-legged on the bed and scoots in close until her knee is pressed up against Hope’s thigh. “This is a nice surprise.” 

“Well, I _was_ nearby.” Hope shifts, pulling one of Kelley’s legs onto her lap. The other one wraps around Hope’s waist. That previous tension seems to ease away when Kelley curls a loose hair behind Hope’s ear. 

“Were you, though?” Kelley is only teasing, her hands now lightly on Hope’s forearms and her face close. The smell of her shampoo is intoxicating.

“Yes, dork. I was at Abby’s gallery.” 

This time it’s Kelley who kisses Hope on the cheek, gentle and unsure as if the way that they’re sitting isn’t some kind of open invitation. Hope kisses her back on the corner of the mouth and she can feel Kelley’s lips curve into a smile. They hover hardly an inch apart for a moment until their eyes flutter shut and Hope is leaning forward and Kelley’s back presses against the mattress.

-

 

Hope’s boots and sweater lay on the floor in a tangled mess with Kelley’s shoes. On the bed, Hope’s tank top has been pushed up all way exposing the black underwire of her bra. Kelley has made herself comfortable; she’s halfway on top of Hope, their legs tangled together. Hope has one hand secured around the nape of Kelley’s neck and the other one trailing up and down her bare spine and begging to dip below the waistband of her jeans.

Kelley is loving this all too much, pressing her body into Hope’s, the fingertips of her free hand pressing into her ribs, feeling Hope shiver every time, and her mouth learning all the places on Hope’s neck that earn her the most rewarding sounds.

They’re both in different worlds; Hope anywhere that isn’t a dormitory, and Kelley, well, she’ll be lucky if she even finds her way back to reality after this. 

Then there’s a noise at the door and it swings open.

Kelley looks behind her with a speed that almost gives her whiplash and practically flies off of Hope, just narrowly avoiding falling onto the floor. Her pulse is hammering loudly in her ears (and in other places). Hope sits up immediately, pulling her shirt back down and running a nervous hand through her hair. 

Syd is frozen in place, her hand still on the doorknob, and her eyes rapidly flitting back and forth from Kelley to Hope. Her face is a mix of horror and amusement. 

“Oh god. Oh my god. Sorry. I…”

Kelley stares wide eyed at Syd. Embarrassed is an understatement. “What are you- I thought you had class,” Kelley breathes jaggedly, also yanking her shirt into place.

Syd blinks a few more times.

“I forgot my book,” she says, pointing at it on the bedside table next to Hope. Hope’s face might be as red as it’s ever been, but she grabs the book and holds it out to Syd without looking at her. Syd takes it quickly. 

Kelley is still trying to get her breathing back to normal and her heart to slow down. She peaks over at Hope who still has her head down, but is actually trying really hard not to laugh. It helps, a little. 

“Is that all?” Kelley asks impatiently.

“Uh, yup,” Syd rushes, stuffing the book into her bag and turning back around, “sorry to interrupt or whatever.” She looks back once at Kelley and Kelley knows she’ll get some sort of earful later. Then Syd’s out the door, but not before yelling, “put a sock on the handle next time!”

-

 

“Are you okay?” Hope laughs. “You flew.” 

“Shut up.” Kelley throws a pillow at her from the opposite edge of the bed. Hope catches it and props it behind her head, inviting Kelley onto her lap. Kelley happily obliges, positioning herself over Hope, knees on either side of her hips. “We’re doing this at your place next time.” 

Hope’s palms are warm against Kelley’s thighs and she’s smirking at Kelley. “Maybe you should put that sock on the door, then.”

“No thanks, I’d rather not let the entire floor know what I’m doing.”

“And what is it that you’re doing?” 

Kelley’s eyes light up and heat fills her body again. She leans down and captures Hope’s bottom lip between her teeth and lets her tongue drag across it, as if asking to be let in again. 

“I don’t know, you tell me,” she murmurs soft and low. And then Hope’s hands are fisted into her hair.

* * *

 

The first heavy snowfall of the year comes during mid-December.

The roads and sidewalks are covered in a sheet of white, the sun glaring off it like a reflector. Giant flakes fall from the sky and blow in a horizontal blur. All the trees sit barren, not a leaf in sight, and dusted in a layer of what looks like icing sugar. Kelley has never seen snow in this sort of magnitude back home and she’s itching to go outside and play in it. 

“Kelley, are you crazy? Close the damn window!” 

Sydney steps off her bed after having the strung the last of the cheap Christmas lights, the ones that two of them had picked out at the dollar store just yesterday, around the window frame. She takes a step back to admire her handiwork. 

“But look at all the _snow,_ Syd.” 

“Yes, but let’s keep it outside where it belongs. Not on my pillow.”

Kelley slides the window shut, but not before grabbing a small handful from the sill and whipping it Syd, who doesn’t react fast enough and gets pelted in the stomach.

“I’ll get you back for that later, I promise.”

“I’ll be waiting.” 

“Good. Now close the curtains and turn off the lights, I wanna test these lights out.”

The mutlicoloured lights glow weakly and softly, like they have more to give, but just _can’t._ A few of them flicker rapidly before completely burning out, but it isn’t a surprise considering how little they had paid for them. It does the job though, makes the dorm more festive. The silver tinsel that Kelley had meticulously taped around the doorframe helps too. 

“Let the festivities begin,” Kelley says.

-

 

Kelley’s phone ringing loudly on her side table startles her awake from her midday nap, something that occurs so rarely that she never passes up the opportunity when it does happen. The name on the screen is blurry, but she can make out Hope’s name and she’s instantly smiling. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey. I really hope you’re in your dorm otherwise this snow trek I just made will have been for nothing.”

-

 

Kelley flies down the four flights of stairs and low and behold, there is Hope, standing the lobby bundled up in huge jacket and scarf and carrying a cardboard tray with three Starbucks cups. 

“Finally,” Hope says, pulling the scarf away from her mouth, “I just got checked out by a group of teenaged boys.” 

Seeing Hope is no surprise. The two of them have seen each other at least three times a weeks for the last few weeks; mostly at Hope’s place and out in public. It’s seeing her _here_ and unexpectedly that has Kelley more than pleasantly surprised. 

The draft from the front door blows in and Kelley hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes. She shivers, folding her arms across her body.

“I – hey – “ Kelley smiles. She wants to kiss Hope, but they’re being watched by two girls down the hall. “What are you doing here? Why do you have three cups?”

“I didn’t know if you were with Syd or not, so. And my shoot got cancelled because of the snow and now I’m here. Are you busy?” Kelley shakes her head and Hope hands her a cup. “Salted caramel latte, no whip and extra caramel and chocolate sauce, right?” 

“You actually remembered that?” It’s something that Kelley had only ever mentioned once and in passing.

“The drink of a diabetic, how could I forget?”

“You’re the best.” 

“I know.” 

Kelley takes a sip and holds the cup to her face, eyes closed. When she reopens them, Hope has take a step closer and the girls down the hall have disappeared.

“So,” Hope says after a moment. “Do you know how to ice skate?” 

-

 

It’s cold outside, the snowfall having subsided into a light and wispy sprinkle. It sounds like soft and distant whispers, while the snow beneath their boot-clad feet crunches to a different tune; something louder and less graceful.

Christmas time in New York City is everything that Kelley had imagined it to be. Shop windows decorated with pine needles and ornaments, and the closer they get to Times Square, the lampposts and street signs are wrapped in red and green ribbon.

And then they’re at the skating rink at Rockefeller Center.

So maybe Kelley doesn’t know how to ice skate, and maybe Hope has to help her find the right size and lace them up too. It doesn’t stop Kelley from making her way to the ice though, but the moment her blades touch the slick surface, she’s grabbing onto Hope’s arm and immediately regretting this decision. 

“You said you knew how to skate.”

“I said I’ve _been_ skating before, not that I knew how to.”

“So what happens if I let go, then?”

Kelley’s eyes widen and she throws her arms around Hope’s waist. Her knees wobble and she’s embarrassed when she sees all the children zipping past her like it’s nothing. Hope is laughing softly into her ear and it’s only making it more difficult to stand. 

“Please don’t. I’m scared!” 

“So you can do all these other athletic things, but you can’t stand on ice. Got it.” 

“Are you making fun of me?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

They last for about fifteen minutes, Kelley clinging tightly onto Hope’s gloved hand. The snow alternating in pockets of nothing and heavy downfall. Kelley’s nose is red and the front of her knitted headband is frozen in ice. Hope looks similar, her eyes beginning to water from the cold.

“So was this a date?” Kelley says, happily falling to a bench and untying her skates. Hope’s face is buried into her scarf as she unties her own.

“Um, no?”

“Oh.” Kelley yanks her foot out, quickly shoving it into her cold and hollow boot. “Kinda felt like one.” 

Hope doesn’t say much, keeping her eyes trained on her skates, and Kelley tries to not let on her disappointment that this wasn’t a date. Of course, why would it be? They’ve never had any sort of conversation as to being anything other than friends even though it’s so painfully and blatantly obvious they’re _not_ just friends. Then Hope stops what she’s doing and turns her head towards Kelley, holding her gaze.

“You would _know_ if I took you out on a date.”

-

 

Just as routine dictates, they wind up back at Hope’s place. One of Kelley’s sweaters is still draped over the back of the couch where she had last left it a few days ago and now she doesn’t even bat an eye at Ludwig, who has been angled slightly towards the wall. They’ve come to a mutual agreement; she won’t at look at him if he won’t look at her. It’s better this way.

Outside, the sun has set, but the snow still glimmers brightly under the moon. Kelley opens a window and sticks her head out and everything is just so _quiet_ and still; something that is so hard to come by in the city. It makes her miss home.

She closes the window and heads towards the kitchen, hoisting herself up onto the counter letting her feet dangle off as her eyes follow Hope around. Hope must feel the eyes on her because she stops whatever she’s doing and makes a beeline towards Kelley, placing herself between Kelley’s knees. 

“I thought you radiated heat in the winter,” Hope says, feeling the cold on Kelley’s hands. 

“I do, you just need to warm me up first.” 

Hope only kind of rolls her eyes, but then corners crinkle when she starts to smile. 

“I have an idea,” she says, letting go of Kelley’s hands.

Kelley keeps Hope in her line of vision at all times, her heart suddenly beating faster, like this is the first they’ve been alone. When Hope pulls a bottle of tequila out the cupboard, she lets out a strangled, but almost relieved laugh.

“You’re a tequila girl, right?” Hope asks like doesn’t already know the answer.

Kelley just blinks. 

Then Hope pulls two out shot glasses, the salt, and a lime from the fridge.

“Are you going to make me do a body shot?” Kelley says it without really thinking. Hope’s eyes widen, brighting at the edges.

“I was just going to suggest a regular shot, but I mean, if you’d rather…”

Kelley barely registers what either of them has said, but when she does, it’s too late. Hope has this smirk on her face, as if the idea has already been seeded, and Kelley is suddenly in too deep to back out. It still holds true that she had never foreseen herself _ever_ doing a body shot off of anyone, but Hope seems to be the exception for a lot of things lately.

“Wait. Do you even know how to do a body shot?” Hope questions with slight skepticism. Kelley jumps off the counter and reaches for the lime.

“I wasn’t _sheltered_.”

-

 

While Kelley waits on the couch, pretending she’s not the least bit nervous as Hope cuts the lime into small wedges, she fills the two shot glasses with tequila. Her hands tremble, some of the brown liquid spilling onto the coffee table. What is she even doing? Definitely not something her family would approve of and if David ever found it, he’d probably keel over and die. 

And not in the good kind of way.

Kelley doesn’t have time to think about that. She doesn’t _let_ herself think about that. She’s aware that Hope’s watching her as she’s cutting the limes and her desire to actually do this overpowers any doubts.

Hope returns, a small bowl of limes in hand.

“So…who’s going first?” she asks, sitting close to Kelley.

“I’ll go first,” Kelley says, “I’ll do you. I mean it. I’ll do- just lie down.” Hope has to stifle a laugh.

Kelley scoots to the edge so there’s more room and Hope gets into position, laying her head back and throwing the pillow to the ground, like this is so fucking casual and ordinary for her. She lifts up her shirt for Kelley and the remainder of a small bruise that Kelley had left on her stomach is still there. 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Hope asks, allowing Kelley to back out if she really wants to. If she’s nervous, which she is, she’s doing a relatively good job at hiding it. She can’t really understand why, but somehow adding tequila into the mix _in this way_ suddenly introduces so many more implications.

“I’m sure.” 

“Do you…need a hand?” 

Kelley just shakes her head. She uncaps the salt with as steady as a hand she can muster and arranges a neat, short line just above Hope’s belly button. 

Hope watches with a cocked eyebrow, but then shivers at the touch, tiny goosebumps prickling at her skin. 

Okay, so maybe Kelley is a bit clueless, and maybe the way Hope is so sensitive and reacting to her touch is distracting in more ways than one, but she’s not about to ask for help now. 

Hope continues to watch carefully, but keeps quiet, letting Kelley figure this out on her own. 

“Hold this,” Kelley hands Hope a lime wedge. “Okay, um, ready?” she asks.

“Whenever you are,” Hope says, following Kelley’s gaze.

Kelley positions herself closer to Hope. Should she straddle her? No. There isn’t enough room. Instead, she places a hand on the inside side of the couch to balance herself, but when her hand sinks, she places it on Hope’s hip instead, letting herself feel the skin she’s felt many times before.

It’s quiet for a while, Kelley mentally going through the steps. Then she just goes for it. She licks the salt slowly off of Hope’s stomach kind of glad that Hope can’t really see her face and the way she might be smirking. Then she downs the shot in her hand, letting it burn, and takes the lime from Hope. 

She squeezes her eyes, taking a moment to let the tastes settle and fade. When she opens them, Hope has propped herself onto her shoulders. Her face is flushed, but her eyebrows are confused and furrowed. 

Kelley wipes the grains of salt away from Hope’s stomach and pulls down her shirt. 

“Kelley, that was _not_ a body shot.” 

“What? Sure it was,” Kelley says, the tequila warming her chest, already affecting her ability to think straight.

“No it wasn’t.” As lame as it was, Hope’s breath is still uneven. “That was just you licking salt off of me.” 

She should have known better than to trust the likes of Kelley, a southern belle; a debutante, with actually knowing what a real body shot was. 

“I- well- “ Kelley stutters. Fine, even she knows that wasn’t a body shot.

“I’ll show you what a real one is,” Hope says, righting herself. “Get on your back.”

They switch spots and Kelley shuts her eyes for a moment when her head touches the couch. _Get on your back_ rings in her ears. 

_Get. On. Your. Back._  

Surely if Hope can’t hear the way Kelley’s heart beating violently, she can at least see it trying to punch it’s way through her chest. 

Hope pushes Kelley’s shirt up for her, running her fingers across the lacy pink underwire of her bra. She maps a trail of freckles that kind of looks like a zigzag and follows it from just beneath her breast to the tip of her belly button. Then Hope gently tugs on the waistband of Kelley’s pants, letting her fingertips dip just below it giving herself a little extra room to work with.

“Okay, watch and learn,” Hope says quietly. She actually seems nervous. She gauges Kelley again to make sure it’s okay that she continues, but as usual Kelley shows no qualms. Except for the jagged rise and fall of her chest, which Hope takes as a positive sign. 

“I’m going to put the salt here,” she taps at the centre of Kelley’s neck, right at the dip of her collarbone. 

“ _Oh_ ,” is all Kelley can manage and then she’s feeling the sprinkle of the salt on her skin. 

“And you’re going to hold the lime…” Hope scoots higher so she can look at Kelley and gently lays a finger over her lips, “here.”

Kelley’s eyes darken. Hope’s barely done anything and already she kind of feels like she’s losing her mind or something of a similar effect. Seriously, what is she doing?

“Do I even want to know where you’re putting the tequila?” Kelley breathes.

Hope lets out a laugh that sounds like she’s been holding in. It comes at just the right moment, breaking up the nervous tension and setting Kelley more at ease.

“I’m putting it here,” Hope draws a circle with her finger around Kelley’s solar plexus, that shallow dent right in the centre of her upper abdomen. “But only after I do the salt." 

Kelley clenches her jaw, careful to not move and spill the salt from her neck. 

“Are you ready?” 

Kelley sticks the lime in her mouth as her answer, the sourness stinging her bottom lip. 

Hope goes slow, taking her time to make herself comfortable. She hovers just at Kelley’s face before finally lowering her head. The moment her tongue touches skin, Kelley jerks and some of the salt spills down the side of her neck. Hope follows the trail, insistent on getting all the grains, and the further she goes, the harder it is for Kelley to breath. 

Hope’s tongue is all over her neck. 

Any ounce of rational thinking has long since flow out the window.

Then Hope grabs the shot glass and pours a tiny pool onto Kelley’s stomach, some of it dripping off her ribcage. Kelley face is burning red and she tenses at the cool liquid and Hope has to hold her by the sides to keep her still. 

She takes equally as long, if not longer to lap up the alcohol and Kelley is both loving this and hating it all the same time.

Kelley’s eyes are closed when Hope goes in for the lime, but they flicker open just as Hope has her mouth around it. She doesn’t immediately let go of the lime and some of the juice drips into her mouth when Hope bites into it. Kelley sucks in a sharp breath when Hope’s lip brushes against hers and she finally lets it go.

Hope stays suspended over her, lime in mouth. She’s looking at Kelley, like she’s damn well _waiting_ as if this is their first kiss all over again.

It takes a second for Kelley to take the hint and when she does, she pulls the lime from Hope’s mouth and tosses it onto the table. Just like that, Kelley is tasting the lime and tequila that dresses Hope’s tongue and lips. 

-

 

There’s a bit of a scramble, Hope hurriedly pulling Kelley up and knocking the limes off the table in the process. She leaves them there where they won’t get tended to until she has time again. Then she’s guiding Kelley backwards, eyes closed, mouths bumping into each other, until they’re in her bedroom and Kelley’s pinned beneath Hope’s body weight on the mattress.

Hope’s mouth is everywhere. It starts at Kelley’s ear then travels towards her neck and each second that passes only reminds Kelley that this shouldn’t feel as good as it does. The smear of Hope’s lips on her collarbone; it feels likes the sun painting the day and all Kelley wants to do is feel Hope’s skin on hers. 

“What is this?” Kelley asks abruptly in between gasps of air as she feels Hope’s fingers fumbling with the button on her pants.

“What is what?” Hope mumbles into her neck.

“I mean, what are we? What does this mean?”

Hope stills her hand and splays it out on Kelley’s stomach. She reluctantly removes her lips from Kelley’s neck and looks at her. 

“I- well- “ Hope looks flustered. She hadn’t anticipated on this coming up. “What does this mean to _you?_ ”

Kelley’s suddenly regretting her idea her open her big mouth and wishing she could take back the question. But it was going to come up eventually, so better sooner than later, she figures. _I like you_ is what she wants to say because it’s genuinely how she feels, but instead what she does say is: 

“I like kissing you.”

In Kelley’s mind, it’s interchangeable; they mean the same thing, but if she knows Hope as well as she thinks she does, Kelley knows that they mean two very different things to her.

“I like kissing you too,” Hope breathes, her hand shifting lower again. “But there are other things I’d like to do you too.”

That’s really all it takes for Kelley to forget anything and everything she just asked, all it takes for her to lift Hope’s shirt over her head and toss it aside.

-

 

Kelley can’t remember a time she’d felt so in control, so alive. It had never been like this with David. David had almost always been afraid to touch her and Kelley had been uncomfortable to let him. When he did touch her, it was abrasive, ill thought out, and altogether felt unnatural. But it’s so different with Hope. There isn’t any holding back, there’s no second-guessing. 

What surprises Kelley the most is that Hope actually lets her take control and that in itself has Kelley craving for so much more.

That’s why when Hope flips them and lets Kelley top, Kelley doesn’t waste any time in pulling off her own shirt and tugging off Hope’s pants.


	10. Chapter 9: "Happy" Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...but maybe it’s a little more daunting for Kelley to hear it verbalized and thrown at her because she’s spent so much time making herself feel things that she doesn’t for the sake of her parents."_

The static from the coarse fabric of the airplane seat has Kelley’s hair sticking up at odds and ends. Below her, as she stares out the foggy window, the clouds look like a playground of giant cotton balls. Christmas is in three days and as excited as she is, she can’t help but sulk in her spacious business class seat.

Three weeks away from Hope is not something Kelley had ever anticipated on dreading so much. Yet, here she is impatiently drumming her fingers on the armrest and wishing she were watching some lame Christmas movie on Hope’s couch while they drink hot cocoa and Hope still pretends she doesn’t like to cuddle. 

The two and a half hour flight seems to drag on and every time Kelley closes her eyes to try and fall asleep, turbulence jolts her awake. Still, her eyes stay heavy and shut, but her mind endlessly stirring. It’s mostly thoughts of Hope; the way she talks, the way she walks, the way she’s always so gentle but equally as possessive with her hands and mouth. It’s as if she’s done the things she has a thousand times before even if she claims she hasn’t. 

Kelley _still_ doesn’t get it. Hope’s interest in her, that is. 

Then the plane hits the tarmac.

-

 

It’s cold in Georgia today, the air thin and sharp against Kelley’s face. There might be the faintest of snow flurries in the sky, but they melt as soon as they touch any surface. Kelley rolls her bag behind her careful not to trip on her untied shoelace until she finds her dad waiting at the edge of the passenger pick-up, hot chocolate in a travel mug in hand just as she had asked for. 

Christmas carols blare in the car as dad sings along severely out of tune and it’s just him and Kelley today. Usually it takes a family effort to stop him, but today Kelley actually joins in.

-

 

The first thing that Kelley does when she gets home after she greets the rest of the family is run up to her bedroom and throw on her ugly Christmas sweater. The red and green one with a one-eyed Rudolph stitched terribly to the front – a gift from her grandmother years ago. Even from upstairs, the smell of pine needles and peppermint is evident and she can hear the electronic melody of _Jingle Bell Rock_ weakly emanating from the dancing Frosty the Snowman doll in the kitchen. Then she runs out into the hall and yells at her siblings from the top of the stairs.

“Hey dumb-dumbs, put your sweaters on! We ‘bout to get festive up in this bitch!”

-

 

They spend their days doing typical Christmas activities like baking and watching _Elf_ so many times in a row that dad thinks they might have a problem. "Do I need to get you guys checked?" he says one night at dinner. "Because I might be the one going crazy if I have to hear Buddy's voice one more time."

Today they decorate gingerbread cookies rather than a house that they know they'll end up fighting over; Jerry inevitably smashing the roof with his fist because he thinks it's funny. It’s no surprise that Kelley’s end of the table is the messiest- there’s icing sugar and sprinkles everywhere and no one is quite sure if she’s decorating the cookies or herself.

“What’s that supposed to be?” Erin asks, angling her head at Kelley’s sugary creation, although disaster seems to be more fitting. 

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Um…is it a…festive sausage?”

“It’s a snowman wearing a scarf, Erin!”

Kelley pouts and folds her arms. She pushes the plate out to take a better a look at it; she definitely hadn’t inherited the creative O’Hara genes.

“Oh, now I see it. Kind of. No I don’t.” 

Jerry on the other hand has a masterpiece of edible artwork in front of him. Trees, bells, angels, Santas, all decorated with the utmost precision and detail. It’s impressive and his artistic skills still continue to surprise the entire family.

“If only you put this amount of effort into your schoolwork you would be a fucking genius,” Erin says, picking a jellybean off of Kelley’s festive sausage and eating it. Kelley tries to swat at her hand, but her sister is too quick.

Jerry hardly acknowledges their banter, focused on icing his snowflake to perfection.

“I’m good at what I’m good at.”

“You’re good at leaving your shit all around the house and not flushing after you pee,” Kelley interjects.

“But at least I’m good at it, right?”  

-

 

Some hours later, when the cookie decorating is done and the kitchen has been scrubbed clean of all crumbs and grains of sugar, Kelley stands by the kitchen sink and gazes out into backyard. The sun has long since set and it's actually snowing. Not enough for the white Christmas that she wants to experience one day, but enough that it actually feels like winter. The record player in the living room is crooning _Silent Night_ , fitting for Christmas Eve and she can hear Erin and Jerry discussing what they think the presents are under the tree.

"This one has your name on it," Erin says picking up a box and shaking it. "It sounds like coal."

Kelley giggles to herself and then peaks at her phone that's charging on the counter. It's been a few hours since she's last heard from Hope, but she's with her family and Kelley knows that. She would be lying though to say that she hasn't been watching her phone all day like a hawk.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, Kelley sees her dad come down the stairs in a flash of green. When she sticks her head into the doorway of the living room, he's dressed in a ridiculous, too small elf costume that Kelley vividly remembers from her childhood and has desperately tried to forget.

"So," he grins when he has everyone's attention, "who wants to watch _Elf?_ "

* * *

 

Hope celebrates the holidays in Richland with her family as she usually does. It’s never perfect; usually an argument or two to be had, some hateful words thrown around. This is just what Hope knows, has known all her life. The way that her mom’s house is decorated to the nines may paint a picture of a perfect family to an outsider, but only _they_ really know what goes on inside.

The red represents the metaphorical bloodshed; the green for the envy that some of her family might feel because Hope has left and made a better life for herself in New York City.

Hope never loses sight that this is her family though, however dysfunctional it might be. It’s made her into the person she is today and whether or not she’s grateful or resentful for that, it’s not something she could or would turn her back on.

But she’s happier this year, more so than she’s ever been. It becomes most evident to her mom when Hope is standing in the living room, staring at the ornaments on the tree with this aura that is so uncharacteristic about her that it brings a warmth to the room.

Hope sees her mom standing behind her through the reflection of a golden ornament. She watches her take several steps closer and then Hope feels hands on her shoulders, warm and gentle.

“I’m happy you’re happy,” her mom says and then kisses her on the cheek before leaving her be. They've never been so good at personal moments.

But if mom has been keeping track of the number of times Hope has mentioned her “friend back in the New York” with the most subdued of smirks, well, she’ll need another set of fingers.

* * *

 

_New Years Eve//_

 

Kelley is probably more drunk than she wants to be or than she had even anticipated, but when the O’Haras throw a party, they throw a party. She’s not drunk enough that her parents have noticed and are worried, but she’s drunk enough that David’s constant presence doesn’t bother her as much as it normally might and she’s a little more affectionate with him than she means to be.

She’s standing in the dining room with him and a few of his friends when she feels that telltale buzzing in her dress pocket that she immediately knows it’s Hope. Nothing’s changed in the fact that she still gets excited to hear from her, but now, under the influence of the alcohol, it makes missing her that much harder. All Kelley wants is to be alone with her even if she’s still not exactly sure _what_ they are or _what_ they’re really doing.

And that’s scary for Kelley, to think that maybe this is just some game or an experimental phase for the both of them. Although Kelley is pretty sure this is more than that for her. Anytime they do try and talk about it, they end up in Hope’s bed where not a lot of talking gets done, unless they count the way expletives get moaned and shouted. 

It’s the third time tonight Kelley has not-so-subtly pulled herself away from the crowd and David’s starting to get suspicious and maybe a little irritated. He frowns and reluctantly pulls his arms from around her as she disappears around the corner. 

-

 

Mom sends Erin to look for more chips and salsa but instead, when she walks into the kitchen, she finds her sister hiding the walk-in pantry on the phone.

“I’ll call you back,” Kelley says quickly, shoving her phone into her pocket and pretending to look for something on the shelf when Erin pokes her head in.

Erin hardly looks surprised anymore because Kelley’s been doing similar weird things all week and now it’s only a matter when and what she’ll do next, rather then if she will. And Kelley’s gotten better at playing it off coolly and staying relatively under the radar from the rest of the family. Erin is just too keen.

“Really? Of all the places, the pantry?” 

“It’s quiet. And um – I was looking for…here it is.” Kelley unconvincingly reaches for a bag of peanuts and waves it in Erin’s face. 

“You have a bedroom.”

“I told you, I was looking – “ but Erin rolling her eyes and reaching over Kelley’s head for the chips and salsa cuts Kelley off. Kelley tries to shimmy herself around her sister, but what Erin says next leaves her slightly frozen in place and wondering if she’s heard correctly.

“Tell Hope I say hello when you call her back.” 

Kelley almost drops the peanuts. Erin simply winks over her shoulder and then skips out, closing the door behind her. All Kelley can do is stare blankly at a jar of tomato sauce as she hears David’s muffled voice calling for her.

-

 

As the clock ticks closer to midnight, Kelley finds herself trying to avoid her sister. Not because she’s afraid of whatever else Erin might say, but because _she_ doesn’t know what _she_ should say. Instead of trying to deal with that, she disguises another drink in the form of orange juice and leans into David on the couch. He’s caught up in another conversation with Kelley’s uncle about the relaxing benefits of fly-fishing that he doesn’t even notice Kelley on her phone. Or even Kelley herself for that matter.

 

 **hope:** wish i was still on the east. don’t know if i’ll make it til midnight. 

 **kelley:** i don’t blame you. i’ll probably be in bed by 12:03

 **hope:** maybe i’ll call you at 12…give you some incentive to stay up…

 **kelley:** i’ll be waiting ;)

* * *

  

Hope sits stiff and upright at the small table in her mother’s kitchen. She’s nestled into the corner, her shoulder leaning against the pale grey wall and the back of her head just brushing against the ancient wall phone that’s barely functioning. Across from her, her grandmother deals out a hand of cards while her aunt refills everyone’s wine glasses. New Years Eve with the Solos and extended family alike is either a hit or a miss. Neighbours are either filing noise complaints or thinking they’ve gone out of town.

Tonight is the latter.

Mom is rambling about things that don’t interest Hope; things like how it bothers her that the throws in the living room don’t match the curtains, or how Jim from down the street can’t decide how he wants to repave his driveway. It has Hope watching the wall clock desperately until it reads 8:59 so she can call Kelley. 

Not enough minutes pass.

The red wine starts to taste like water and there are only so many hands of cribbage she can play. She’s staring at her phone in her lap and pressing random buttons and it’s when Marcus texts and her heart sinks to see that it’s not Kelley that Hope realizes something.

For the first time in her life, she’s been the one to pursue another person, not the other way around. Not that it particularly bothers Hope, but she had never envisioned the pursuee to be someone like Kelley O'Hara. It may not be in blatant and obvious attempts because for the most part, whatever _this_ is has happened on its own by some strange force of nature, but the more Hope thinks about it, she has more often than not been the instigator.

Then her phone is ringing in her lap, but it’s just Marcus again.

* * *

 

This time, Erin finds Kelley in the garage rummaging through a box of party favours – little confetti guns, noisemakers, hats. Kelley feels the sudden presence and peaks over her shoulder. Erin pads closer and extends her beer offering Kelley a sip, which she declines with the shake of her head. She goes back to digging through the box without saying a word until Erin breaks the silence.

“You left your phone out the other day and it started ringing. I saw Hope’s name and being the nosey person that I am, I snooped. Your entire call log and inbox is Hope. And like a few from Sydney and someone named Tobito, whom I’m assuming in Tobin. I didn’t read any of them though.”

Kelley pulls out the bag she was looking for and simultaneously feels the heat rush to her face. She can’t actually believe the words that are coming out of her sister’s mouth.

“You have a _problem,”_ is all Kelley says, short and curt as she retrieves her “orange juice” from the adjacent shelf she had left it on.

“Sorry, you’ve just been acting really…strange lately and you won’t tell me what’s going on. Isn’t Hope that model you took pictures of? What are you, having some kind of top secret affair with her?”

It’s only a joke, sort of, and as much as she Kelley wants to just brush it off, she suddenly feels the weight of hiding this secret from her best friend catch up to her. It hadn’t really bothered her up until now, and now she’s feeling trapped and not like herself.

“Something like that,” she mumbles quickly as she spins around towards the door that leads back into house.

“Woah, what?” Erin grabs her by the wrist before she can make it very far. 

“Nothing, nevermind.” 

“No, not nevermind. Kelley, talk to me.” 

“Let go.”

Erin just tightens her grip and Kelley sighs, letting her head sag. She knows Erin too well to know that she won’t drop it.

“You don’t think I’ve _known_ you’ve been hiding something since Thanksgiving? You’re happy and giggly all the time, you’ve been so _private,_ and for someone who ‘hates cellphones’ you’re on yours an awful lot.” 

Kelley frees herself from her sister’s grip and turns back around. She can’t quite pinpoint what exactly it is that she’s feeling, most of her emotions muddled by the alcohol. But if there’s anyone besides her friends in New York that she can trust, it’s definitely her sister. 

“Can I invoke our _Trust Treaty?”_

“It’s always in effect, you know that.” 

“Okay, well…” 

Then there’s a rattling at the door and David pokes his head in. Kelley glances to her watch and midnight is just over ten minutes away.

“Peach, there you – “

“Not now, Davy Crockett,” Erin narrows her eyes and shoos him away with a waving hand gesture. He looks to Kelley for backup, but Kelley just blinks and he slinks back inside. 

“You were saying?” Erin eggs Kelley back on. Kelley’s lost her train of thought now and she feels the moment passing. 

“It’s nothing, really. Let’s go back.” 

“Kelley!” Erin’s small and quick and slips in front of Kelley and blocks her from the doorway. 

“You know I can go out from the front, right?” 

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll find out on my own. Which would you rather?” 

Kelley folds her arms across her chest and sets her drink onto another shelf. Having Erin meddling in her business is the last thing she wants because her parents always somehow end up getting involved and if telling Erin the truth can get her back inside faster, then she’ll try it as reluctant as she is. 

“ _Please_ just…don’t freak out or anything.” 

Erin pulls an invisible zipper across her lip. Kelley looks to the ground and shrugs non-committally, giving off the illusion that this means nothing.

“Hope and I, we’re um – I like her, okay?”

“You mean, you _like_ her, or you _like_ like her?”

“I _like_ like her.” 

Erin’s mouth hangs open for a moment and a heavy silence settles between them. Kelley lets out an uncomfortable breath and looks at her watch again. Seven more minutes.

“So I was _right_ ,” Erin lips begin to quirk into a smile. “When I asked if you had met someone new last month, you said no, but I was right. It’s not a dude, but still! Oh god, I can’t believe it!”

Kelley’s taken aback by Erin’s reaction. She’s not exactly sure what she had expected, but it wasn’t this. She had actually anticipated some resistance. She reaches for her drink and takes a long, hard sip. She’s too young to be coping with her emotions with alcohol. 

“So that’s it? You’re not going to hound me with a hundred questions?”

“Oh, I will later. You can count on it, but it’s almost midnight and to be honest, I’m really not that surprised.”

“What?” Kelley cocks her head to the side. “What does that mean?” 

“It means that I am not surprised,” Erin enunciates slowly through broken laughter. “Anyways, I’ve always kind of _known_.” 

Kelley face turns a bright red and she can feel the moisture forming in the palms on her hands. Surely Erin isn’t implying what Kelley thinks she’s implying. 

“I’m not _gay,_ Erin.” 

“I never said you were _gay_. I just mean that I’ve always known about your, how shall we put it, your fondness for the ladies.”

“Bullshit. That’s a lie.”

“Is it, though? Is that why your room is covered in pictures of female celebrities? Is that why you have a weird obsession with women’s beach volleyball when you’ve never even touched a volleyball in your life? Is that why you used to hide that framed photo of Angelina Jolie in your bedside table?” 

Kelley’s eyes widen and she takes a step backwards. There’s a well of emotion building up inside of her.

“How – “ 

“We shared a room for sixteen years. I know more than you think I know.” Erin’s face softens and her body deflates a little when she sees the fear and vulnerability in Kelley’s eyes. She may have had these hunches all her life, but maybe it’s a little more daunting for Kelley to hear it verbalized and thrown at her because she’s spent so much time making herself feel things that she doesn’t for the sake of her parents.

Kelley tries to say something, but there’s a dry lump the size of a golf ball forming in her throat.

“Don’t sweat it, okay?” Erin says quieter this time, more sincere. “You like who you like and there’s no shame in that. I love you all the same, if not more. Just, you know, let David down easy. You know how he feels about you.” 

The door swings open again and Kelley doesn’t get the chance to get out another word before Scott, Erin’s unofficial boyfriend calls her inside because the countdown to the New Year is about to begin. Erin gives her sister a quick kiss on the cheek before she slips past her and heads back into the house.

When she’s alone again, Kelley breathes, steadying herself against the car and then before she can stop herself, she’s crying. 

-

  

Inside, everyone has gathered in the living room. The music has been turned off in turn for the TV that is on full blast, the ball above Times Square waiting to the dropped. Kelley stands by the edge of the couch with Erin nearby and then David appears through a crowd of people and slips his arm around Kelley’s waist holding her close. 

She exchanges a look with Erin.

The countdown begins at the exact same time she feels her phone ringing against her hip in her pocket. For the first time, Kelley doesn’t even check it and lets it ring.

_Five._

_Four._

_Three._

It continues to ring.

_Two._

_One._

Instead of picking it up, Kelley turns to David who’s grinning like an idiot, like he’s _waiting,_ and then she glances back at Erin who catches her gaze for a second. When she knows Erin is watching, she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses David hard on the mouth. 

She can't see the look on her sister's face, but around her, people are screaming and shouting, _Auld Lang Syne_ is blaring from the TV, there are bits of confetti raining to the hardwood floor, and she feels a spray of champagne hit the back of her neck and trickle down her back. When she pulls away from David, who is still smiling stupidly, Kelley's heart isn’t beating in her chest anymore, it feels like it’s beating on the floor and she wants to cry all over again.


	11. Chapter 10: Falling Outside the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Today, she helps Hope pick out a new shower curtain and floor mat. They’re discussing the different colour schemes and that’s when Kelley finally makes the connection._

_New Years Day  
_ _Fayetteville, Georgia//_

 

There’s a sharp insistent pain in poking in the back of Kelley’s eyes before she even has the chance to fully open them. The sun screams through her open curtains as bright as ever and there’s still a taste of alcohol on her tongue. She pulls her covers over her head and that’s when she starts to remember.

It comes in waves. The overly sneaky texting, the conversation in the garage with Erin, ignoring Hope’s phone call, and then – she groans loudly – kissing David.

Kelley pulls the covers back off her head desperately willing her eyes to adjust to the sunlight. The throbbing in her head begins to subside into something duller, something more tolerable and that’s when there’s a quiet knock at the door and Erin shimmies her way in.

“Oh good, you’re alive.” 

Kelley mumbles something inaudibly and Erin makes herself comfortable on the bed next to her, legs crossed, hands prodding at her sister’s arm.

“So do we need to talk or anything?” 

“No.” 

“Sorry, let me try that again. We need to talk.” 

“Bye Erin.” 

Erin doesn’t budge. Instead, she makes herself more comfortable and takes up half the bed. Kelley’s too weak and tired to fight it so she rolls over, her back towards her sister. Even in this half delirious, half conscious state, Kelley knows this is the earful she’s in for and she’s bracing herself.

“You know David’s downstairs, right?” Erin says.

“Fuck.”

“He slept on the couch.”

“You mean he didn’t spoon with Jerry?” 

“Not after the way you kissed him.”

“Fuck.”

There’s a lull for a moment, Kelley still trying to piece together the events of last night. She does remember calling Hope back and her heart sinks into her stomach at the memory.

 

_[“Sorry I missed your call,” Kelley says quickly ducking into the powder room. She locks the door and holds her fingers over her lips where she wants to rid the phantom feel of David’s. “There was a bit of a commotion at midnight and yeah…sorry.”_

_“It’s cool. I figured you might have been distracted. No worries.” Hope’s voice is static on the line and she might be a hint of drunk herself, but Kelley immediately regrets lying. Her forehead is pressed up against the door, the scent of the stale potpourri making her sick, and she’s wishing she had never even kissed David in the first place._

_“Happy New Year,” Hope says again._

_“Yeah, Happy New Year,” Kelley answers with a half smile, “Well, not yet for you.”_

_“If you’re still up then, give me a call. If not I’ll talk to you tomorrow, gotta run now.”_

_“Party hard,” Kelley says before guiltily hanging up.]_

  

The bed dips behind Kelley as Erin shifts around. A quiet murmur of voices filters through the walls and floors. It sounds like mom, dad, David, and Jerry talking the kitchen. Kelley’s knows her actions have definitely spoken louder than her words and she isn’t prepared to face the consequences. 

“What am I gonna _do?_ ” Kelley moans, her head glued to the pillow. “Help me.” 

There’s a sigh behind her and she cranes her head around. Erin is looking at her half defeated, half expectant.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on,” she says. 

“I told you last night.” 

Erin shakes her head defiantly and crosses her arms. She stares at Kelley until Kelley lets down her guard and that wall between seems to vanish. 

“No,” Erin says. “I want the full story from the beginning. So spill.” 

* * *

 

_New York City//_

“God, I hate winter,” Syd groans as she zips up her jacket and pulls on a hat. She glares at Kelley who is still tucked cozily into her blankets and covers. The sun has already been up for a few hours and the new winter semester means new schedule and Kelley is already loving her decision of picking late classes. 

“Should have stayed on the west, then.”

“Yeah, really. So are we all having dinner tonight or what?” 

Kelley shrugs, reaching for her phone. “I don’t know, maybe. I haven’t seen Hope since I’ve gotten back so…”

“Ooh,” Syd smirks and wiggles her eyebrows. “What’s the deal with you two anyways? Is she your girlfriend yet?”

“ _Girlfriend_ ,” Kelley scoffs. “Oh god no. We’re just, you know, friends or something…” she trails off, absentmindedly scrolling through her brand new iPhone – no more lame flip phone with a sticky key pad. She’s still getting used to all the new and fancy functions.

“Friends with benefits.” 

“No Syd, just…fine, friends with benefits.”

Syd ties a scarf around her and pulls it up over her nose. She watches Kelley whose brow has sunken into a sad furrow. It’s only accentuated more by the tiny flyaway hairs poking out around her forehead. 

“Well, for someone who’s sleeping with a beautiful woman, you don’t seem very excited about it,” Syd mumbles into the thick material. Kelley just half shrugs and keeps her eyes focused on her phone. She’s watching those three grey dots blinking on the screen as Hope types out a message. 

“It’s complicated.” 

“That’s what you said about David and you seem to have dealt with that just fine.” 

Kelley looks to Syd for just a second and then flickers her gaze back to her phone. Her cheeks feel scarlet and she’s hoping she doesn’t give away too much to Syd, who doesn't know what happened.

“David is a simple boy. Hope is not.”

“So there _are_ feelings involved then.” It’s more of a statement as Syd slips on her backpack. She glances out the window and cringes at the snow blowing in all directions.

Kelley’s silence gives it all away.

-

 

Kelley spends most of the day caught in some weird limbo. She’s torn between telling Hope that she kissed David because on the one hand, she’s not the kind of person to lie about something like this and she has yet to lie to Hope about anything. On the other hand, does she even _need_ to tell Hope? Syd said it herself that they were only _friends_ with benefits and friends implies no commitments, no exclusivity. She hates that they still haven’t talked about it.

But then there’s a part of Kelley that wants Hope to _know_ her. She wants Hope to know about the conversation she had with Erin in the garage, she wants her to know she’s struggling to come to terms with all these new feelings, and she wants her to know kissing David was an impulse created out of fear and confusion (also alcohol). 

Then she’s on the train on the way to Hope’s and telling herself that she’ll deal with it when she needs to.

-

  

Hope is barefoot in sweatpants and a flannel shirt when she comes to the door. It’s only half buttoned up and Kelley is having a hard time maintaining her eye contact, already too distracted by the way the top of Hope’s bra curves around her breasts.

“Hi,” Kelley breathes stepping inside and pulling off her gloves and forcing herself to look up. 

“Hey kid,” Hope grins, her eyes intense and heated like it’s been too long since their last rendezvous. She takes a step forward and waits a moment, then kisses Kelley on the cheek. “Missed you.” 

“Missed you too,” Kelley says, undressing from her outerwear. Hope is still close and Kelley when has her hands free again, she tugs at Hope’s drawstring and then runs her fingers down the unbuttoned seams of her shirt. She’s suddenly forgotten about David. 

“Have you eaten yet?” Hope asks, leading Kelley away from the door and towards the couch. They sit side-by-side, Hope’s hand high on Kelley’s thigh.

“Not yet. What’d you have in mind?”

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you want.”

Hope winks and Kelley feels herself get nervous, but the good kind of nervous that makes her alive with anticipation. Her eyes widen and out of nowhere she’s straddling Hope’s lap on the couch.

“What, no small talk first?” Hope teases. 

“Food and small talk can wait, can’t it?” Kelley tugs at Hope’s open shirt, allowing herself to peak inside. When she meets Hope’s gaze, Hope’s eyes have darkened and her cheeks have flushed.

“Sure. All I’m saying is you might need some sustenance, you know, for stamina because it’s been like two weeks since I’ve seen you…”

“If you insist,” Kelley practically whispers, leaning forward to capture Hope’s bottom lip in her own. Hope’s hands have already started travelling up the bare skin of Kelley’s back. They stop just as they curve around to the front, her fingers outlining the underwire of the Kelley’s bra. Kelley breaks the kiss only for a second to let Hope speak.

“I do insist. Let’s order Chinese.” 

-

 

The night is spent lounging on the couch, watching terrible reality TV, and slowly picking away at the Chinese food that took way too long to be delivered. As usual, Kelley ends up playing with her food and making a mess, but that’s something Hope has already come to know and just expects it now.

It’s mostly quiet tonight though, not too many words exchanged. When they are, they’re both laughing or talking about the silliest, more obscure topics. Somewhere in between the sex, weird pseudo-dates, and all the things that have lead up to it, both of them have managed to find a certain level of comfort within each other that they’ve never really experienced before. 

Especially Hope, who even after all those years with Adrian, could have never acted like this with him. He was just always so _serious._

When dinner is done and all the garbage and containers have been cleared away, Kelley browses through Hope’s less than impressive DVD collection while Hope refills their wine glasses in the kitchen.

“Ugh, I love the _Princess Diaries_ ,” Kelley says.

“Put it on,” Hope says, walking back with the two glasses, “we can watch it.”

Of course, if the past few times they’ve tried to watch a movie is any indication of how the night will end (or start), they both know the movie isn’t actually getting watched.

And they’re both right.

* * *

  

As the days and weeks come and go, Kelley begins to notice a pattern in the way that her and Hope just are. It’s nothing overly _obvious_ , but it’s become unavoidable. Weekends are only spent with each other, any other amount of free time they have is devoted to each other, and more often than not, they find themselves consulting each other on important decisions, like what major Kelley should settle into next year, or whether or not Hope should start looking into other jobs because she knows that modelling isn’t something she can do forever – soccer, maybe.

It doesn’t hit Kelley until they’re at Target together. Hope has errands to run and Kelley just always ends up tagging along (not that either of them minds). Today, she helps Hope pick out a new shower curtain and floor mat. They’re discussing the different colour schemes and that’s when Kelley finally makes the connection. 

This is just a relationship without the title. 

The whole “friends with benefits” comes to mind, but since when did the benefits include getting to help Hope furnish her apartment and partaking in other daily routines together, or staying up late on the phone until Syd has to literally Kelley to shut up. Or better yet, no one told Kelley the benefits would mean she would still feel as guilty about kissing David all this time later.

“Kelley… _Kelley_ ,” Hope taps her on the shoulder and Kelley looks away from the price tag she’s absently staring at. “What about the grey?”

“Yeah, grey is nice. I like the green too, though.” 

“Ugh,” Hope groans lightheartedly, “you’re so indecisive.”

Kelley just smiles and when the aisle is clear of people, she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses Hope softly on the corner of the mouth.

* * *

 

One morning, Kelley wakes up to an email from David. She swipes open the screen, squinting her eyes from the brightness and starts reading.

It’s a proclamation of his love, essentially.

Even after weeks of yet again avoiding his texts and calls, his feelings have only seemed to grow. He promises Kelley so much – safety, loyalty, respect, and most importantly, a happy and stable future.

A few months ago, a letter like this may have evoked some sort of warm feeling in Kelley, but today it makes her sad. She knows she still owes David so much in the way of ending this properly and giving him proper closure. He’s a good guy who doesn’t deserve to have been lead on like this; and she knows that even if she didn’t have someone like Hope in her life, she still wouldn’t want all those things with David.

And then it terrifies her all over again to know that she _does_ have something with Hope, whatever it is.

But Kelley just doesn't know how to say goodbye to David completely and it always comes back to her family. They've invested too much into the relationship and she hates to let them down. They're the gatekeepers to her happiness and until she can find a way to pick the lock, she's always going to feel trapped.

Kelley closes the email and when she peaks over at Syd's bed and sees that she's gone, she calls Erin. At least she'll be able to talk some sense into her.

* * *

 

There are a thousand cute coffee shops around the city and yet Hope still prefers Starbucks to all of them, much to Kelley’s dismay. No less, they often find themselves sitting in the generic café, each of them doing whatever work they need to do. 

Today, Kelley can’t stay focused. She’s jumpy and anxious and it’s not because of the excessive caffeine. Hope is starting to worry.

“I kissed David.”

Kelley blurts it out so quickly and suddenly that Hope thinks it’s a joke. The hot coffee through the thin cardboard cup scalds at Kelley’s hands and she’s too aware of the people sitting around them. Hope sets her own cup down and eyes Kelley apprehensively.

“You’ll have to be more specific.” 

“On New Years Eve. I kissed him. That’s why I didn’t answer your call. Not because there was some commotion and I – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied.”

Hope is quiet for a moment, her brows furrowed and her jaw tight, but Kelley’s anxiety does up tenfold because she’s never been good at keeping secrets like this and now, over a month later, the guilt is becoming too hard to handle. 

“I didn’t mean to, but it – “

“Okay,” Hope cuts her off, how voice relatively flat and emotionless. Kelley angles her head, confused. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Kelley pulls the lid off her drink and lets the steam escape. A bead of coffee rolls down the side and she catches it with her finger before it hits the table. Hope seems to be watching her but not _looking_ at her. 

“You’re not…upset? Angry?” 

“Should I be?”

“Um, well, I kissed my ex-boyfriend and lied about it.”

Hope leans back in her seat and lets a breath out through her nose and Kelley forces herself to maintain eye contact. She tucks her hands into her lap and picks at the skin around her thumbnail.

“It’s not like we’re… _together_ or anything,” Hope say all too calmly. “You can do what you want.”

The words hit Kelley like a ton of bricks, like something she hadn’t been expecting, but all of a sudden it kind of starts to hurt and she’s starting to feel sick. 

“Oh. But is that – isn’t that something we need to talk about?”

“What’s there to talk about? You kissed me, then you kissed your ex, then you kissed me again. There, we talked about it. It's not like I never knew about him.” 

There’s a side of Hope showing itself that Kelley has never seen before and it feels like unchartered territory, like she isn’t sure if she should or is even allowed to cross over into it.

“Hope.”

“Kelley, it’s fine.” 

Hope’s indifference to this situation only makes Kelley’s unease worse. She’s beginning to wonder if Hope’s been ‘doing what she wants’ too. The thought is nauseating and it all comes back to the relationship without the title because that is literally what this is. (No commitments or exclusivity).

Kelley knows the insides and outs of Hope’s days better than she knows her own and as much as it scares to think there could be someone else in her life, Kelley knows there isn’t. 

The thing is, is that Hope is just too afraid of commit, to say the words to make Kelley hers; and Kelley is too afraid to ask because she still doesn’t believe this is really happening. Finally, _that_ conversation, the one they’ve avoided so many times is finally warranting some kind of consideration.

“It’s not fine,” Kelley says. “Does that mean that you’re seeing other people?” 

“No.” Hope’s gaze is distracted, but only insofar as Kelley watching the way Hope is staring at her hands. 

“Do you… _want_ to? Are you _going_ to?”

Hope’s eyes snap back up to Kelley’s and that’s when Kelley sees it – it’s the same fear that Kelley sees in herself. 

“Can we go?” Hope breathes, avoiding the question. “You can still come over or whatever…if you want.”

-

 

The car ride is uncomfortable. Hope doesn’t say a word and her eyes are trained solely on the road ahead of them and occasionally at the rearview and side view mirrors. This is the first time they’ve ever had anything remotely close to an argument or disagreement and Kelley isn’t all too sure on how to handle it. 

There’s shitty pop music playing through the radio and Hope doesn’t even try to fight Kelley on changing the station like she always does and that’s how Kelley knows she’s hurt. Or pissed. Or something. 

It’s even more uncomfortable when they’re back at Hope’s place. 

Kelley’s heart is beating hard in her chest and the only thing that Hope has said to her is, “you left your textbook here the other day, by the way, just incase you were looking for it.” 

“Shouldn’t we talk?” Kelley asks from a barstool as she watches Hope tidy up the kitchen.

“Talk about what?” Hope mumbles over the running water, her back to Kelley. 

“Please don’t make this hard. You know what.”

It’s sort of then, Hope refusing to look at Kelley and Kelley feeling this monumental dread that she’s fucked up, that she feels her world shift on its side. She’s out on a limb here and it’s as if everything she’s ever known, she’s forgotten.

She doesn’t have a crush on Hope. Not at all.

What she feels is different – it’s more than just butterflies and more than just hooking up and pretending it’s casual and friendly, this is something heavier. Something realer. 

“What if I don’t want to talk,” Hope says quietly when she turns around. She stalks slowly towards Kelley, her eyes smoldering. Kelley feels the blood whirring through her veins.

“Hope- “ she tries, but when Hope cradles her face and presses her lips to Kelley’s, not allowing her to speak anymore, Kelley feels a heaviness in her chest and tears pricking at her eyes.

Kelley is falling.

She’s falling hard and she’s fallen outside of the lines. The weirdest, most confusing part of it all though?

She thinks that Hope is falling too.


	12. Chapter 11: Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It’s sort of like being in a dangerous free-fall – they’re both aware that it’s happening, but neither of them really knows when or if it’ll end, and how._

The morning rush is non-existent in Duane Reade as Kelley peruses the aisles with Syd and Ashlyn. Their rubber soles squeak along the white tiled floors, leaving a light trail of brown slush behind them. 

“Ugh, look at all this crap,” Syd whines, picking up a heart shaped box of chocolates. She rattles it and then tosses it back on the shelf next to a bag of cinnamon hearts. “Valentine’s Day is so stupid. It’s just another lame fake holiday to make people spend money.” 

“Hey,” Ashlyn reaches for the bag of candy, “don’t hate on Valentine’s Day just because you’re single. _I’m_ gonna get these for Ali.”

Syd fakes a gag in Ashlyn’s direction and Ashlyn just purses her lips and cocks her head.

“Fine, you don’t get to meet her this weekend.” 

“I guess I’ll be alone this weekend then,” Syd says to Kelley, who’s busy reading and laughing at terrible Valentine’s Day cards. “What cheesy plans do you have with Hope?”

Kelley places a card back on the rack in exchange for another one with a cartoon picture of olives on the front holding hands. The caption reads: _Olive You._

“What makes you think I have plans with Hope?” 

“Why wouldn’t you?” Ashlyn interrupts. Kelley shrugs.

“We’re not together, remember? Fuck-buddies don’t participate in such ludicrous holidays.”

Syd rolls her eyes and groans. “Not _this_ again. Please, anyone who knows the both of you knows that you’re more than that because last I checked, fuck buddies don’t spend every waking hour together and quietly pining for each other.”

“Ha!” Kelley scoffs. “I don’t know about that.” She ushers them into the shampoo aisle, pulling and grabbing at Syd’s backpack straps. “Anytime I try to talk to her about it, she literally shuts me up with sex. How many times have you even met Hope anyways? Twice? Three times?”

“If you count the time I walked in on you guys getting it on, then four actually.”

Ashlyn’s jaw drops, her eyes widen, and she almost walks into a rack of lip balm.

“ _What?_ ”

“We were just _kissing,_ Jesus _.”_ Kelley narrows her eyes at Syd, who as usual looks smug, then diverts her attention away and grabs the shampoo and conditioner she came here looking for.

“You’re such a big dummy, you know that right?” Syd says, vaguely reading the label of a conditioner bottle. “She distracts you with sex because she doesn’t want to talk about her feelings because she _has_ feelings. For you. Why else would she have brought _me_ a coffee too in the middle of a _blizzard!”_

“It’s not as black and white as that. I used to think it was, but lately she’s literally fifty shades of grey. I don’t know anymore.”

“You just need to go out there and get the girl,” Ashlyn offers, her arms suddenly full of hokey, over priced chocolates, candies, and other treats. “Do some grand gesture, ya know?”

“Is your definition of a grand gesture giving Ali a root canal with all that candy?” Kelley lifts an eyebrow.

“No, Peach. Show up at her doorstep with a mini orchestra playing behind you or set up some private, romantic dinner for two in Central Park and pick her up by horse drawn carriage. Oh my god, or hire a sky writer!”

Kelley stares bemused and unimpressed at Ashlyn for a moment, wondering if this is the kind of crap she does for Ali. Then she bursts out laughing.

“You _must_ be high,” she says, “and besides, Hope doesn’t even _do_ romantic.”

- 

For lunch, the three of them stop by a small deli that Kelley had accidentally found one day one a random walk with Hope. Small and rundown from the outside, it’s otherwise easy to miss. Inside is another story - busy and cluttered, but they manage to snag the last free table just hardly big enough. Their knees clash underneath and the loud booming voices of businessmen and women alike make it feel anything but quaint.

“So what’s the deal with Tobin? Did we piss her off?” Kelley asks before chomping off the corner of her sandwich. “She’s like, gone AWOL. I’ve barely seen her lately.”

Ashlyn half shrugs and shakes her head, pounding back her lemonade. “Hell if I know. She’s been extra private lately and won’t tell me _anything._ I think maybe she met someone. She’s always on her phone and she’s _never_ on her phone.”

Syd nearly chokes on her mouthful of food, gasping for air in between bites. Kelley violently pats her on the back, only making it worse.

“ _Tobin_ met someone?” Syd finally manages. “Our baby Tobin? Little Tobito? No way. Who? How?”

“I mean, I think so,” Ashlyn says, peeling away the crusts from her sandwich. “All I can really gather is that it’s someone named Alex and Tobs is just always kind of leaving at really weird times. Like, the other night, I thought she was getting ready for bed, but she grabbed her coat and left for like two hours.”

“Alex, hmm?” Kelley pensively strokes her chin. “How ambiguous.”

“Nah,” Syd wags her finger in the air, “Tobin is _not_ into girls.” 

“Well neither was I,” Kelley adds.

“Kell, you’re a raging homo,” Ashlyn says.

“I’m not _gay_ for the last time.” 

“Sure, sure,” Ashlyn nods, “you’re just gay for Hope. You’re a raging Hope-o-sexual.”

The joke is so terrible that Kelley has to laugh at it. But unexpectedly, in the middle of a loud and crowded deli, she’s having something along the lines of an identity crisis. _Is_ she gay? Erin seemed to have pointed it pretty clearly and Kelley knows Ashlyn is only joking, maybe, but what if they’re right. Suddenly she’s no longer hungry.

“Here’s a suggestion,” Syd says to Ashlyn, “maybe you should keep better tabs on your roommate.” 

“Yeah well, maybe _you_ can seventh wheel one of our triple dates,” Ashlyn fires back. Syd raises a warning eyebrow and then throws a pickle slice at her. It leaves a faint mark on the front of her shirt and Syd grins, victorious.

“Talk shit, get hit.”

* * *

**david:** happy valentine’s day peach. miss you and thinking of you.

-

At two o’clock in the afternoon, just as Kelley is leaving her biology class, her final class before the weekend, she gets a phone call from Hope. They’ve become less frequent lately because of the weird change in Kelley’s schedule, but also now that Kelley is more inclined to talk about her feelings, it has Hope being more cautious and maybe taking a small step backwards. And then there’s just always this ghost of David that hangs between them that never gets talked about even despite Kelley’s recent confession. That’s why she is more than excited to see Hope’s name light up on the screen.

“Hey,” Kelley breathes, maneuvering through a crowd of students outside the science building. It’s uncharacteristically warmer today than it has been lately and she pulls off her gloves and loosens her scarf. “What’s up?” 

“Busy tonight?” Hope asks. It’s loud in the background; lots of voices and other noises – shutter clicks.

“Don’t we always hangout on Fridays?”

“True. But do you wanna have dinner? I know a place.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Kelley answers casually, like she normally would. In the back of her mind she knows it’s Valentine’s Day though and she can’t help but wonder if this is just dinner, or if it’s _dinner._ They hardly ever make plans more than a few minutes ahead of time, and it throws Kelley.

“Okay, cool. I’ll just swing by your building around seven-thirty because I’ll be coming from the gallery.” 

“It’s a date,” Kelley says a little too quickly. Now she’s cringing in the momentary silence that follows.

“See you later, kid.” 

- 

Kelley is eagerly waiting in the lobby at 7:25 after spending an abnormal amount of time getting ready. Too long was spent standing in front of the mirror and deciding if she should keep it simple – just jeans, or maybe dress it up a little bit. In the end, it was Syd’s irritation that won and she had forced Kelley to wear a plain black dress. That way, “it looks like you put some effort into looking nice, but didn’t go all out,” Syd said.

The cool draft from the front door sends goosebumps prickling at all the small bits of Kelley’s exposed skin. Her leg bounces up and down while the fingers on one hand trace a small run on the knee of her stockings, and the other drums the worn and broken leather of the couch beneath her. She’s never really _nervous_ to see Hope, but the strange circumstance warrants a few jumpy nerves. In the past few days, the extent of their conversation has been obligatory small talk followed by heated make-out sessions, which indisputably end in Hope’s bedroom with both of them naked and breathless where not much talking gets done.

Kelley is still waiting for Hope when from across her, the elevator door dings and slides open. Out steps Ashlyn hand-in-hand with a beautiful girl with long, dark hair and big brown eyes. Her white pea coat pops and glows under the terrible, unflattering lighting and Kelley immediately recognizes her as Ali.

“Did you really take the elevator down two flights?” Kelley smiles at the both of them, eager to finally introduce herself to Ali. She gets up and walks over, extending her hand. “Hey, I’m Kelley. You must be Ali otherwise Ashlyn has some explaining to do.”

“Funny,” Ashlyn says.

Ali smiles, taking Kelley’s hand and laughs, her nose crinkling in the process. Out of the corner of Kelley’s eye, she catches Ashlyn watching Ali and it’s disgustingly and annoyingly cute. 

“That’s me,” Ali says, “it’s nice to finally put a face to a name.”

“Yeah, likewise. You’re all this weirdo ever talks about. Where are you guys headed?” 

“Dinner and wherever the wind takes us,” Ashlyn says, slipping her arm around Ali’s waist, pulling her closer. “What are you doing down here? And why are you dressed up?”

“I’m not dressed up and I’m waiting for Hope.” Kelley checks her watch. 7:37. 

“I thought you weren’t participating in this ludicrous holiday?”

“I’m not. We’re not. At least I don’t think so, I don’t know. It’s just dinner.” 

Ali looks confused. She wrinkles her brow and looks to Ashlyn who shakes her head as if to say _don’t ask._ Then right on cue as if the universe had been listening, the front door swooshes open, everyone turns around, and Hope walks in.

She’s stunning. Hair in light waves, earrings that sparkle against the dark grey of her coat, and she’s wearing _those_ red high heels and it makes Kelley lose her breath. She definitely came from a shoot. That, or she had spent just as much time as Kelley mulling over her outfit, but the former seems more plausible.

Then Kelley notices the single rose in her hand.

“Oh, hey,” Hope half smiles when she enters. Her eyes first meet Ashlyn’s because she standing the closest, but then they quickly dart to Kelley’s and then to Ali’s. “I thought I was only having dinner with Kelley.”

“Don’t worry, you are,” Ashlyn answers. Even she can’t help but stare at Hope. “We were just leaving. This is Ali, by the way, my girlfriend.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Hope nods, but Ali sticks her hand out for a shake and Hope obliges. “Nice to meet you,” Ali echoes. All the while, Kelley is _staring_ both at Hope and the rose in her hand and not listening to anything anyone is saying.

“Anyways, you guys have a good night,” Ashlyn says before leading Ali outside. She looks back over her shoulder to Kelley and winks and then they disappear around the corner. Kelley is still staring at the flower when Hope holds it out in front of her. 

“Here,” she grins shyly and Kelley’s stomach explodes into a rush of butterflies, “this is for you.”

“What’s this for? I thought – isn’t this – aren’t we…“ 

“I’ll never understand Valentine’s Day and I may not be a romantic, but I’m not ice cold.”

Kelley takes the rose. She brings it to her nose and then lets herself smile. Hope’s eyes are gentle, but bright and she’s kind of reading Kelley’s reaction, as if maybe the decision to even bring her a rose was one of conflict.

“Thank you,” Kelley says, “you look, um, _really_ good _.”_

She takes a step forward and leans up to kiss Hope on the cheek. It lingers for a moment and Hope settles into it. When they pull apart, Hope’s cheeks have reddened a little, something that Kelley has only really even seen once or twice and it makes the already rampant butterflies in her stomach flutter even harder. 

“So do you. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since the first time I met you.” Hope runs her fingers across the bottom of the hem, her knuckles grazing at Kelley's thigh.

“I figured I couldn’t wear sweats to dinner as much as I wanted to.”

“Wise choice,” Hope says. “So are you hungry?” she holds her hand out for Kelley’s. They intertwine their fingers non-committally and there’s _always_ a spark.

“Starving,” Kelley says and then they’re out the door with the rose sticking out of her purse.

- 

Dinner isn’t anything overly special and it’s Kelley’s own fault for letting herself think that maybe this would be something more than just one of their regular, casual dinners. The only difference tonight is that they’re in Brooklyn at a quiet, dimly lit Italian restaurant with deep red walls and Hope has ordered them an expensive bottle of white wine. 

Okay, so maybe it’s a little (a lot) more than casual, but Hope hasn’t _said_ anything to elude that this might be an actual date. Except for maybe giving Kelley that rose, which Kelley finds herself searching for some sort of hidden meaning in as if it isn’t obvious.

Oh, and then there’s fact that it’s freaking _Valentine’s Day._  

“So you’re coming home with me, right?” Hope asks as she refills both of their wine glasses for the third time. She looks at Kelley through heated eyes and finds her hand on the table hidden amongst the breadbasket and tiny tabletop vase. She runs her thumb over Kelley’s knuckles.

“I mean, I _guess,_ ” Kelley smirks, “but only if you can answer a question for me.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“Was _this_ a date?”

Hope stifles a quiet laugh and lifts her glass, taking a slow sip as she watches Kelley try to hide the fact that she knows she’s asked a ridiculous question – she does that thing where she bites the corner of her lip and looks to the side.

“Kelley, I know if it were possible, you would have a 6.0 GPA. Are you really telling me you can’t figure out if this is a date or not?”

“Well, I was just, you know…”

“Yes, you nerd, this _is_ a date.”

Kelley exhales as if she had been holding it in all night. She flips her hand over, letting her palm mold into Hope’s. Hope’s eyes never leave her the entire time. There’s a sense of relief within Kelley that she hadn’t gotten too far ahead of herself. This was all she really wanted and needed; to know that everything she’s been feeling hasn’t been for nothing and that this is more than just casual sex for Hope. Now she can’t stop smiling.

“Looks like you’re taking me home, then. Try to not hog the covers tonight.”

“You won’t need the covers. Trust me.”

* * * 

It’s relatively smooth and happy sailing up until the spring.

Not much changes in the fact that they spend as much time together as possible. They still run errands together and even run them _for_ each other – Kelley will sometimes pick-up Hope’s dry cleaning and Hope often finds herself doing things for Kelley that Kelley had never even asked her to do, like when Kelley had mentioned she had needed to buy new notebooks, Hope went out and got them for her. 

They’re together, kind of.

They _know_ that mutual feelings are involved. It’s disguised in discussion more often now. Mostly it’s things like Hope telling Kelley she’s cute and sending her text messages in the middle of the day saying that she’d rather be kissing her than doing anything else, or it’s Kelley cuddling up to Hope on the couch and laying her head on her chest, telling her this is where she likes being most.

It’s sort of like being in a dangerous free-fall – they’re both aware that it’s happening, but neither of them really knows when or if it’ll end, and how. 

And it’s all fun and great too, but again, the real problem is that neither of them is willing to openly and honestly address those feelings. The word “relationship” becomes the _Voldemort_ of their “situationship,” as Syd likes to say.

But then there’s a wedding – Abby’s wedding. 

Hope gets the invitation when she’s with Kelley and makes nothing of it because she’s known about the wedding since forever ago. It’s almost just a formality now considering how long Abby has been with her girlfriend Sarah, and Hope leaves the invitation out and open on the kitchen counter.

“Ohh, who’s getting married?” Kelley asks, lifting herself onto a barstool.

“Abby and Sarah, finally.”

“That’s cute. I met Sarah right? That one day outside the gallery?” 

“Yep, that was her.”

Kelley picks up the invitation and reads it. It’s up in the Hamptons and there’s an option for a plus one and she idly wonders if maybe she’ll get to fill that spot. It would be nice, she thinks, to get to spend a day like that with Hope in the summertime, out in the open and away from people she knows in the city and not have to feel ashamed of who she is.

“Looks like fun,” Kelley says, tucking the card back into envelope.

“Yeah…” Hope trails off, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge. There’s a furrow in her eyebrows when she turns around. 

“You don’t seem very excited.”

“Of course I’m excited for Abby, but I’m supposed to go to this wedding with Adrian.” 

“Oh.” Kelley swivels in her seat. Adrian is always in the back of her mind because she knows that Hope still sees him regularly at the gallery. She would be lying to say that it isn’t some nagging fear that maybe Hope hasn’t completely moved on from him. “What do you mean you’re _supposed_ to?” 

“It was a silly promise we made to each other after everything went south,” Hope says leaning on the counter across from Kelley. “We wanted to stay friends so we said we would go to this wedding together _as friends_ and it’s all he ever talks about.”

“I see.”

“Yeah.”

The date of the wedding is still some three-ish months away but Kelley’s stomach still churns at the thought of Hope and Adrian slow dancing and just…touching. And it’s also unsettling to think that Adrian is still potentially very much in love with Hope – Kelley used to be able to see it in his eyes when he’d occasionally bring her up in class.

“I mean, it’s not like you _have_ to go with him if you really don’t _want_ to,” Kelley offers somewhat sheepishly. 

“It’s not that simple,” Hope sighs. “I can’t just blow him off and just go with someone like – “ Hope stops herself and lets out a breath. She looks at Kelley. 

“Like…me?”

“Yeah, like you.”

“Why not?”

“Because Kell, you’re – you’re…”

Kelley leans back in her seat and casts her eyes down.

“A kid,” she says.

“ _No_ ,” Hope stresses. “You know the age doesn’t bother me.” 

“A girl, then.”

“ _Not_ because you’re a girl either. Because Adrian and I almost got _married,_ and you and I, we’re still figuring this out.”

Now Kelley looks up. She holds Hope’s gaze for a painful moment. Even after all this time, there’s _still_ no definitive title on what they are. Not that titles are necessarily important, but leaving this as open-ended as they have doesn’t bring a great deal of comfort to Kelley. She has long since fallen and continues to fall for Hope and everyone knows it, including Erin.

The uncertainty is starting to hurt.

“I don’t understand what’s left to figure out. Does anyone even know about me besides Abby?”

Hope twists the water bottle in her hands while she searches for the right words and for the first time, Kelley gets impatient with her.

“ _Say_ something.”

“Everything!” Hope practically yells, but then immediately regrets it because she knows she’s scared Kelley. “And no, not really,” she guiltily mumbles. 

For Hope, the idea of actually _committing_ herself to another person after the way her relationship with Adrian ended is a bit of a daunting task. And now Kelley is asking her to lay it all out and she just can’t even if she’s dying to. 

“It’s just complicated, okay?” Hope quietly adds on.

“Look,” Kelley says, “I am just as scared as you are and don’t try and tell me you’re not scared but I know you are. But it’s been _seven_ months and you can’t honestly tell me you don’t know what this is or what you want.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then you need to figure it out.”

Hope’s gaze softens and she knows that she’s inherently hurt Kelley. She stays quiet again and crosses her arms, looking away. There’s a poignant heaviness that settles and from Hope’s peripheral, she watches Kelley get up and walk towards the door. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Kell,” Hope pleads, beating her to the door and holding her hand over the lock. She lightly wraps her other hand around Kelley’s wrist, willing her to stay.

“Call me when you figure out what it is that you want, okay?”

“Please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Just like that, Kelley rises to her tiptoes and slants a tender and almost agonizing kiss across Hope’s cheek. She peels Hope’s hand away from the lock and deflated, lets herself out without looking back. 

Hope is left all sorts of confused and even a little bit heartbroken.

It isn’t until Kelley is in the bed later that night, the lights off, that it all catches up to her. She’s been quiet and moderately unaffected for most of the afternoon, but now she’s doing that thing where she thinks too much and lets it get the better of her.

The last thing she wants to do is cry, but despite how hard she tries, a few silent tears roll down her face. She wipes them away with the back of her hand, but then without much warning, a sob and sniffle that escape her.

Syd hears it and Syd just _knows_.

She’s always known everything without Kelley having to say a word and Kelley has never been more thankful for that, especially at a time like this where she doesn’t want to talk, but doesn’t want to feel alone. Kelley doesn’t even try and fight it this time when Syd crawls out of her bed and into hers. Instead, Kelley simply curls up into a ball next to her and falls asleep against her shoulder.

* * *

Three whole days pass without a single word or text message exchanged between the two. It’s the longest they’ve ever gone without communicating. Fortunately for Kelley, it’s not _so_ terrible. She has her finals coming up and is too caught up in the stress to let her mind wander to Hope too often. That doesn’t mean that when she does have a moment to think, it doesn’t hurt and she doesn’t regret storming out so hastily.

It had to be done though, Kelley knows that.

So many times she starts to tap out a text message, but then deletes it. She ends up staring at her phone and waiting to see if those telltale text bubbles pop up, but she’s always let down.

By the end of the third day, Kelley can’t take it anymore. She’s left the ball in Hope’s court, but her willpower isn’t strong enough to just let it be. She needs to hear from her. So when Syd goes out that night with the rest of the girls, Kelley feigns tiredness and stays in although she could most definitely use another distraction.

For thirty whole minutes, Kelley stares blankly at her phone working up the courage to tap out Hope’s number. She paces back and forth around her room until finally her thumb meets the green call button.

It rings and rings and rings then goes to voicemail.

* * * 

For days and days, Kelley hears nothing from Hope. She never even runs into her at any of their usual spots and the only Facebook activity Hope’s had was liking a photo of Abby’s dog.

She’s beginning to think that maybe yes, all this was for Hope was a fling, a half a year long rebound from Adrian. Now she feels so fucking _stupid_ because she was right all along; there was no way that a person like Hope could ever want anything to do with someone like Kelley. It just never added up.

Despite that, Kelley’s phone never leaves her side. 

It isn’t until finals week wraps up and Kelley is clearing out her drawers in preparation go home for the summer that some light gets shed on this otherwise bleak situation. 

Syd is blaring terrible music in the dorm as she cleans her side of the room and Kelley doesn’t even hear her phone but she’s become so obsessed with checking it every five minutes that it doesn’t even matter.

-

**hope:** i think we should talk.


	13. Chapter 12: The Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"They sit closely and talk quietly much like they used to and for a while it almost feels as if nothing has changed."_

The trees in Central Park are just beginning to bud and the grass is muddy and full of puddles. Kelley hops and skips around them careful not to fall, her rubber Hunter boots kissing and suctioning to the wet ground.

She’s nervous to see Hope today and has been planning out a small speech in her head incase she needs to use it. The closer she gets to the meeting spot, the more of it she starts to forget. A couple almost-slips later, Kelley spots Hope’s hair fluttering in the breeze on a quiet bench shaded by a row of trees.

“Hey,” Kelley says taking a seat next to her. There’s no touching.

“Hey,” Hope half smiles. “How are you?” 

“I guess I’ve been better,” Kelley answers honestly. “You?” Hope shrugs. 

“Busy. Lots of shoots and coaching. How were your finals?”

Kelley answers, but somewhat reluctantly. They’re back to awkward small talk and walking on eggshells. To anyone else, Hope might look bored and disinterested, but Kelley knows better. Hope _wants_ to say something, but doesn’t know how and Kelley’s problem is that she’s afraid to say what _she_ wants because the last two times she tried that, Hope essentially blew her off. 

Instead, she lets the silence that follows linger until Hope breaks it.

“So when are you going back to Georgia?” 

“Friday.” 

“Oh, that’s – soon.” 

“Yeah,” Kelley says, and Hope’s eyes widen slightly, like maybe she’s a little panicked. Like this is where the free-fall catches up to her and she’s forced to process her feelings and what she wants. 

There’s silence again. This time Kelley breaks it.

“I can’t go back home for the whole summer leaving this the way it is. We need to figure it out. It’s something or it’s nothing.”

Hope sighs, but it’s more defeated than anything else.

“How are we supposed to make this something if you’re all the way in Georgia and I’m here? What am I supposed to do? Slap a label on it, call you my girlfriend, and have you just leave the state for four months?” 

“Why not?” Kelley says flatly. “Long distance relationships aren’t unheard of and it isn’t like I can’t and won’t come back.” 

Words are exchanged for what feels like forever and Kelley seems to be the only one fighting for this. The sounds of birds chirping, people talking, wind rustling through the half-bare braches seem to have disappeared and now it’s just the two of them. It’s back and forth, lots of rational and some irrational arguing, Kelley holding back tears, Hope’s expression stoic as usual, giving away nothing. 

Kelley is losing her. The more she talks, the further Hope pulls away. There’s a wall building between them and there’s no breaking it. Finally, when they’ve both had enough, exhausted and fed up, the words that they’ve been trying to avoid ever since Kelley walked out of Hope’s apartment are painfully uttered. 

“We need to end this, then.”

It’s Kelley who says it and it feels like knives against her tongue.

- 

And so, for all intents and purposes, they break up.

It isn’t pretty and it isn’t easy. There are tears shed in the middle of a busy Central Park and there’s an awful emptiness that follows in both of their wakes. 

It finally ends with them hugging one last time, Kelley fully encompassed by Hope’s arms and Hope holding on like she doesn’t want to let go. Somewhere in between there, their hearts beat so compellingly quickly and in sync that it’s actually physically painful when they let go. 

“See you around, or something,” Kelley whispers numbly, looking off into the distance.

“Yeah,” Hope says in a similar fashion. 

And just like that, they part ways, neither of them daring to look back.

* * *

Summertime in Georgia has never quiet literally felt like hell until now. Time moves slower than Kelley ever thought possible and most days are spent being quiet and mopey, slumping around the house with her head down and out of everyone’s way. 

She makes a promise to herself that she’ll use this time to move on from Hope and really figure herself out; who is she, what she wants. It’s a pretty solid plan for a few weeks and with each day that passes, it becomes less painful to miss Hope – out of sight out of mind.

It isn’t until one night when it’s just her and Jerry at home that the plan is shot to hell. They’re quietly playing cards in the living room, legs crossed under the coffee table, Olly panting loudly next to them, when Kelley’s phone buzzes on the floor next to her. She makes nothing of it – the only people to have texted her since being home are Syd, Tobin, and some high school friends – until it vibrates for a second time. 

 **hope:** just wanted to say hey…  
 **hope:** how’ve you been?

-

And that’s basically how almost three weeks of senseless texting and phone calls begins. It starts with a few _I miss yous_ , and then they’re sending each other random pictures and laughing and reminiscing. It’s so clear that they’ve both been missing each other; it’s in the way that Hope says Kelley’s name, fully and drawn out, letting the syllables dance around her tongue; and it’s in the way that Kelley’s heart expands like a balloon anytime Hope laughs or sends her a silly picture.

They’re both back to being the first and last people they speak to in a day. 

It starts to go a little _too_ well – heavy flirting and suggestive texts – and at the exact moment that Kelley picks up on it, as in actually considers asking Hope if she thinks they should maybe give “them” another try, Hope begins to distance herself. Kelley _feels_ her pull away; phone calls become shorter and more infrequent and texts go ignored for hours; and it breaks her heart all over again. Kelley shouldn’t be surprised though. After all, this is the only version of Hope she knows and hoping for anything else just seems pointless and pathetically optimistic.

As quickly as everything had started, it stops and Hope drops off the radar without a trace. Kelley goes back to being sad and miserable, but this time it’s harder because there’s no closure. This sudden change in mood even goes undetected for a few weeks, but now her parents are starting to catch on and they seem a little worried. 

“Are you sick?” Dad asks one night at dinner with genuine concern. “You’re not yourself lately and you’ve barely touched that spaghetti.”

“She’s terminal,” Jerry jokes, stabbing a meatball off of Kelley’s plate and shoveling it into his mouth. Kelley doesn’t budge. 

“ _Jerry_ ,” mom hisses and glares, then turns her attention to Kelley. “Honey?”

“I’m fine,” Kelley says, forcing some intonation and life into her voice. “I guess I just miss the big city, you know?” She grins at her parents who maybe buy it, but she definitely isn’t fooling Erin who already knows the ins and outs of what’s happened after a long and tedious extrapolation of information from Kelley at the start of the summer. 

Now after breakup 2.0, Erin isn’t so sure how she feels about Hope anymore. 

-

When Kelley isn’t consumed by her broken, confused heart, she’s out by the lake with her siblings. They take turns pulling each other on waterskis from the motorboat and when they’re tired of that, they splash around in the semi-murky water until one of them takes it too far and tries to fake drown someone else. 

On top of that, mom’s involvement with the new Cotillion Club has Kelley stressed about things that she thought she’d never have to worry about again. It’s mostly just awkward because she has to see David’s parents more often than she’s comfortable with and it’s hard to look at them with the same regard as she used to now that she thinks they think of her as the girl who broke their son’s heart.

As for David, he likes to randomly show up at the O’Hara residence. He uses the excuse that him and Jerry are bros and “bros gotta stick together,” but Kelley knows better. David still tries, and Kelley still denies.

It’s a welcomed distraction though, David and his unsuccessful advances. It’s something for Kelley and Erin to laugh about and lately, laughter has been hard to come by.

* * *

_July 2006;  
_ _New York City, New York//_

Hope and Adrian get into an argument. There’s shouting and wild hand gestures and somewhere amidst Adrian begging Hope for another chance to let their future thrive, Kelley’s name gets thrown into the mix. There’s a long and dreary silence followed by the metallic clink of Hope’s former engagement ring dropping to her granite countertop before Adrian storms out of the apartment.

Hope just takes the ring, stuffs it into an envelop and tucks it into the back of her sock drawer where she won’t have to deal with it.

* * *

_August 2006;  
_ _Fayetteville, Georgia//_

Kelley’s birthday is a quiet family affair as per her request. Burgers sizzle on the grill in the backyard as the sun dips behind the tree line and the sky explodes into a dark red hue. Dad lets her help herself to the beer since she’s “legal in Canada now.” Kelley does willingly and by her third, Mr. Adams seems to be helping to numb the sting that Hope’s absence still has on her.

There’s been zero contact between the two of them in over a month and Hope’s Facebook activity is just as desolate. Kelley only checks once a day now but she still dreads the onslaught of pictures to follow after Abby and Sarah’s wedding, which is quickly approaching.

The bottom line is that Kelley still isn’t over Hope and she spends more time than she’s willing to admit missing her.

Mom isn’t home much during the days anymore because of the Cotillion Club so Kelley’s sadness kind of falls to her wayside, but dad is home and he notices. After dinner, he corners Kelley by the mini bonfire and pulls her into a large bear hug. 

“Happy birthday, kiddo,” he mumbles into her temple. “Whatever is bothering you, you can _always_ tell me _anything,_ okay?”

Kelley just hugs him tighter and buries her face into his chest so he can’t the moisture that’s built up in her eyes. 

- 

The metal gate to the backyard creaks open just as Jerry puts out the coals in the grill and in walks David. He’s cleanly shaven for once and his hair actually looks like it’s been combed. His outfit is something out of a prep school catalogue and Erin can’t help but snort at his arrival. 

“Mi’lady,” David says sarcastically, tipping an invisible hat towards Erin. He fist bumps Jerry and they do some elaborate handshake that Kelley’s seen once before and then he hesitantly makes his way to Kelley who is standing on the opposite side of the fire, away from where the smoke is wafting.

“Happy birthday, Peach,” he smiles, kissing her lightly on the cheek. Kelley rolls her eyes, but can’t help a small grin. She just hopes David doesn’t mistake the blush on her face from the alcohol to be from him instead.

“Thanks, David.”

“I know you told me not to, but I have a gift for you.”

“David…”

“Come on. Just take a quick walk with me?”

- 

“ _Europe?"_  Kelley practically screams, her eyes wide. She places her hand on the rope of the tire swing by the lake to steady herself. She stares at David in disbelief.

“Yeah. London, Paris, Amsterdam. For two whole weeks, just you and me.” David reaches into the inside of his blazer and pulls out an envelope and excitedly hands it to Kelley. Sure enough, inside it are two round-trip, first class tickets to London. 

“You can’t be serious,” Kelley says, inspecting the tickets for authenticity. Fleeting imagines of the Eifel Tower, Big Ben, and endless canals of water flicker behind her eyes.

“We leave next weekend.”

Kelley runs her finger along the serrated edge of the tickets. She stares at hers and David’s name printed in big bold letters on them. The whole gesture just seems rash and desperate and as much as Kelley has been dying to go to these places, she doesn’t know if she can simply because of David’s motives. 

“David,” she sighs, “you know I can’t accept this.”

“Please don’t say no, Peach. There doesn’t have to be any strings attached. I just wanna have fun with you.” 

“There will _always_ be strings attached, you know that.” 

David lets out a breath. He tucks his hands into his pockets when Kelley tries to give him back the envelope.

“I _love_ you, Kelley.” 

“I know,” she admits sheepishly. But it’s true, she does know and has always known, but somehow amidst this grand gesture of David trying to literally sweep her off her feet, she hasn’t stopped thinking about Hope. 

“Just consider it, okay?”

Kelley doesn’t give an answer and David just sort of blindly goes with it. She hands him the tickets again and this time he reluctantly takes them. He puts an arm around Kelley’s shoulder and walks her back to her house.

-

Three days later, Kelley tries to fall asleep but can’t. 

Strangely enough, she can’t stop thinking about David’s European getaway. Not because she’s actually thinking of going, but because of weight of what it _means._ Kelley has long since emotionally checked out of any prospect of having a future with David and yet he still continues to fight for her. He is kind, smart, good looking, and his wealth is an added bonus. He could have any girl he wanted, but he only wants Kelley and willing to do anything for her.

For Kelley, this trip just seems so inviting, so easy, and like the chance of a lifetime, but she _still_ can’t bring herself to say yes because she _knows_ she could never fulfill David and give him what he wants and this would always make her indebted to him.

And then she starts thinking about their families and what this would mean to them. 

When the thoughts start to get heavy and cloudy, Kelley reaches for her laptop and mindlessly scrolls through the Internet. The screen is bright in the darkness of her room and she squints as she makes her way through her usual social media sites. Some time later, her eyelids start to get heavy and just as she’s about to close her laptop, a post on Facebook grabs her attention.

**_Adrian Galaviz_ ** _with **Hope Solo and 3 others** at **Devon’s Martini Bar.  
**_ _Here’s to lifelong friendships and the people that matter._

It’s accompanied by a picture in which Hope looks excessively comfortable next to Adrian, his hand possessively around her waist and both their heads tilted towards each other and touching. Kelley stares at it for too long, each moment that passes her heart sinking lower and lower into her stomach. It’s silly to be this upset, she knows, but still the thought of Hope and Adrian together whether it’s romantic or not makes Kelley sick. She clicks on Adrian’s profile just for the hell of it and while most of it is private, there are a few public photos. One of which is another of him and Hope taken less than two weeks ago. They’re in someone’s backyard and this time he’s got an arm draped around Hope’s shoulders, both of them smiling widely with beers in their hands. The caption reads: _bottoms up!_

There’s a dull ache in Kelley’s chest and a small lump gathering in her throat. She doesn’t know what all this means and she wonders if Hope and Adrian had been this close when _she_ and Hope were “together.” All Kelley feels is jealous and hurt, and now she definitely can’t sleep. But before she even realizes what she’s doing, she’s reaching for her phone and texting David.

_So what time is our flight?_

* * *

They fly out of New York City instead.

There’s talk about leasing a house between Kelley, Syd, Tobin, and Ashlyn. Paperwork needs to be signed and payments need to be made before Kelley can leave the continent. David doesn’t mind to change the flight and he accompanies her the whole way.

And then there’s Hope. 

-

David hires a car when they land at JFK airport. It takes them to their hotel just a short walk away from campus. Along the way, Kelley half excitedly points out her favourite places. She doesn’t say anything when they pass by Hope’s block or Abby’s gallery. 

After they check into their hotel, the day is spent walking around the city until it’s time for Kelley to meet the landlord. A couple times she thinks she sees Hope, but it’s nothing more than wishful thinking and an overactive imagination. 

At four o’clock, David drops her off at the potential new house and tells her to call him when he’s done. However, an hour later when Kelley _is_ done, she doesn’t call him. Instead, she wanders over to Central Park and watches the ducks in the pond from a bench. It’s a lot different in the midst of summer time; hot, sticky, littered with screaming children. The trees are in full bloom and the scent of food vendors catches in the occasional light breeze. 

Kelley’s nostalgic from all the time she’s spent here with Hope. Quiet walks getting to know each other, drunken ones charged with electricity and flirtation, and just simple afternoons spent sitting and people watching. Suddenly, it’s too tempting to be this close to Hope and not reach out to her.

It’s stupid and dangerous, Kelley knows that, but one moment her finger is hovering over David’s name in her phone and the next it’s hovering over Hope’s. Without thinking, she presses the call button.

“Kelley?”

Kelley stops breathing. She didn’t think Hope would actually answer. 

“Hope. Hi.”

“Hi. Um…hey.” 

It’s awkward and quiet for a while, both of them acting as if they’re strangers and talking with a guard up. Eventually tension eases. Kelley makes a joke and Hope laughs. Then Kelley works up the courage to tell Hope she’s in town for a bit and that if she’s free later, they should meet for a drink somewhere. 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Hope asks, but there’s a suppressed hint of excitement in her voice. 

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Kelley admits. “But maybe we should find out.”

- 

Kelley is vague with the details when she does call David. 

“Hey, I, uh, actually ran into some friends. Would you mind I went out and had a couple drinks with them? I’ll take a cab back later.” 

David sighs quietly and Kelley already feels bad about lying, but… _Hope._ He’s understanding though, and doesn’t say much or ask many questions, just that she call him when she’s ready instead of taking a cab. 

-

The moment that Kelley lays her eyes on Hope, she forgets about all the pathetic and pitiful sadness she had endured all summer. Hope is sitting up by the bar at their usual restaurant – one of the only places that won’t ask Kelley for her ID – and she’s already sipping on a glass on wine. Her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and her tank top is tight, showing off all the ridges of her muscles. 

It makes Kelley’s heart race.

Hope must sense her because she turns before Kelley even makes it all the way over and then she’s rising to her feet to greet her with a somewhat hesitant hug. Kelley returns Hope’s smile with just as much eagerness and closes her eyes as she settles into the hug. She isn’t sure, but she thinks she feels Hope kiss the side of her head and that’s enough to make her weak in the knees.

They sit closely and talk quietly much like they used to and for a while it almost feels as if nothing has changed. Conversation stays light though. It starts with timid smiles and looks, both of them vigilant in not bringing up how horribly and hastily this all ended and everything else that led up to it. Kelley doesn’t mention how terrible her summer has been and she carefully omits the part about going to Europe with David (she’ll get to that when she needs to); and Hope doesn’t once bring up Adrian (why would she) or make any mention of how she might be holding up.

Then one drink leads to two, which leads to three, and then Hope is ordering them tequila shots.

It’s all a terrible idea because as the night goes on, they seem to gravitate closer and closer to each other until Hope’s hand is not-so-accidentally on Kelley’s knee and Kelley has completely forgotten about David.

“So where’s this new house of yours?” Hope asks, her voice low and her eyes dark and hooded. 

“Not too far from here,” Kelley says. She’s hesitant to place her hand over Hope’s, which is still on her knee, but does it anyways. “It’s actually pretty close to your place.”

“Stalking me, are we?”

“You got me.”

-

It’s still relatively light outside, the sky just a light shade of grey with the moon making a slow and curious appearance. Kelley stands by the edge of the street with her hands tucked into her pockets wondering where they go from here. 

“Thanks for seeing me tonight,” Kelley grins, looking at the ground.

“Thanks for calling me,” Hope answers, pulling Kelley’s hands out of her pockets. She searches for Kelley’s gaze and when she catches it, there’s a quick and quiet telltale moment that flashes between them. It’s a lightning bolt that sparks a salacious fire that they’ve both hidden away for far too long and both of them are too influenced by the alcohol to have a level head about this.

“Um,” Kelley tries, “do you, um – “ but before she can get the rest out, Hope is leaning forward and kissing her.


	14. Chapter 13: Poor Choices & Heavy Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Her eyes look sharp and steady_   
>  _Into the empty parts of me._   
>  _But still my heart is heavy_   
>  _With the hate of some other man's beliefs."_   
>  __-Hozier__   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY FOLKS. THIS IS IT. This is the final _official_ chapter before the epilogue. It's been a great ride and I can't thank you guys enough for reading and always giving me such awesome feedback. 
> 
> YOU'RE ALL SO FANTASTIC.

There’s a faint smell of musk in Kelley’s new house and the wooden floorboards creek eerily in the emptiness. The only furniture and appliances that take up space are an old, horribly floral patterned couch in the would-be living room, an Ikea coffee table, and a stove that looks like it came straight out of the 1800s.

It had been Kelley’s rash and ill thought out proposition to come back here, but she knew neither Hope nor herself was ready to end the night especially with the alcohol that still courses through their veins.

“Just come for a quick tour,” Kelley had offered outside the bar, but the hunger in both of their eyes spoke volumes deeper than that.

It seems a little like a dream now that they’re alone like this again; always so close and touching. So dangerous and tempting, heated with so much tacit passion.

Hope wanders around the mostly barren living room. She runs a finger along the dusty mantle of the fake fireplace and then blows the dust off, waving it away from her face and coughing. 

“There’s obviously some work to be done,” Kelley says from behind her, “but you get the idea.”

“You don’t say,” Hope lightheartedly snorts, arms crossed and now leaning against the paint-peeled doorway that separates the kitchen from the living room. “This place has…character.” 

“Not everyone can afford a fancy, brand new apartment across from Central Park.” 

“Maybe we should have gone to my place then,” Hope counters with a smirk, peeling away a paint chip and flicking it to the floor. Kelley just narrows her eyes and strides past making sure to pull Hope’s gaze with her.

“You gonna keep complaining or come see the upstairs with me?” 

- 

When Hope isn’t looking, Kelley, who suddenly remembers David, sends him a quick and careless text. 

_Just gone back to the house for something. Talk to you in bit._

She tucks her phone away and then forgets about it. 

- 

Upstairs is more or less the same story. Empty bedrooms aside from a few left behind dressers and desks, and old curtains that definitely need to be changed. The carpeted floors only help to silence their footsteps and it’s in the quietness that the weight of these past months seems to catch up to the both of them. 

There’s a moment where Kelley looks at Hope, who’s standing by the window in Ashlyn’s proclaimed bedroom and vaguely eyeing the air mattress that’s been left inflated on the floor, that she feels something she pinpoints as anxiety. Their eyes connect and several moments later, Kelley’s heart is dropping into her stomach because she doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen after this, how they’re supposed to be.

They’re both smart enough to know that Kelley hadn’t invited Hope back here for just a tour and that this night isn’t just going to end with a friendly hug goodbye and a “see you soon.” There are ramifications and a lot of them, especially because Hope’s been so closed off and Kelley still hasn’t mentioned David’s name.

“Ash really thought ahead with this air mattress, huh?” Hope says, testing its buoyancy with her foot.

“Yeah,” Kelley nods, unsure of what to do now that she’s been overthinking. “This house kind of wouldn’t have happened without her. She’s really been on top of it.” 

Hope doesn’t say much else. She kicks off her flip-flops and makes herself comfortable on the air mattress, legs outstretched in front of her and ankles crossed. Kelley still stands by the doorway until Hope looks at her expectantly.

Kelley swallows. 

It’s silent again as Kelley settles in too closely to Hope, who wobbles as the air gets redistributed. She lets her head fall to Hope’s shoulder for a second before she speaks. 

“I had a shit summer.” 

“So did I.”

They both exhale at the same time and Hope opens up her palm for Kelley’s hand. Kelley lets her fingers fall into place and smiles to herself when Hope’s hand closes around it. 

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Hope proclaims. 

“Maybe we both did,” Kelley says, but that’s just her being her and not wanting to put the weight of this on Hope. The fact is, on more than one occasion, Kelley had opened up and put herself out there, but Hope was too stubborn and scared to meet her half way. 

“Maybe you’re just too good of a person for someone like me.”

“That’s hardly true,” Kelley says, raising her head to look at Hope. For once, it looks like Hope is actually trying and giving a shit, but in the back of Kelley’s mind, she’s cursing this entire situation because it’s a little too late now for Hope to try and salvage whatever is possible when she’s leaving for Europe tomorrow.

Hope shrugs and it falls silent again. Nothing needs to be said though because at the same time, both of their eyes flutter down to each other’s lips and then they’re slowing inching closer and closer. It’s like muscle memory almost, the way their mouths just fit together. 

It’s slow at first, both of them taking the time to remember and savour. But it’s more than that for Kelley. For her it’s about saving her dignity because Hope has the power to hurt her again; to just walk away and say this was a mistake, or say nothing at all. Because ever since day one, Hope’s moved with this shameless kind of wonder that’s left Kelley wanting; trailing after her and now, more so than ever, it bears the most consequences. 

But when Hope’s lips drop to Kelley’s neck and there’s a hand somewhere up the back of her shirt, Kelley’s mind starts to draw blanks as to why this is a horrible idea and she’s saying _fuck it_ and leaning back and pulling Hope onto her. 

-

 _Peach why aren’t you answering your phone? Is everything ok? Call me._  

-

Almost two hours later, Hope and Kelley lay side by side on the mattress half clothed with the remaining articles scattered on the floor. There’s not much light in the room, just the orange glow of the streetlamps and car headlights filtering through the open window. It’s accompanied by the sound of quiet chatter and other ambient noise outside.

The have both long since sobered up and now everything about this moment feels all too real and raw; both of them physically and emotionally naked and vulnerable. It was never in Kelley’s agenda to initiate any kind of meeting with Hope, but now that it’s happened, it’s gone better than she could have imagined. It feels like it used to; easy and natural, like no one else exists. 

If only it could stay that way.

Kelley almost falls asleep loosely curled into Hope’s side, breathing short and shallow breaths into her shoulder. Hope lets her, even pulls her a little closer. For a while they let the outside sounds lull them into a half-conscious state until the sound of a car door shutting outside jolts them into alertness. There’s a scuffle, like shoes running on pavement and keys being dropped to the ground. Then there’s a knock at the front door followed by a man’s voice.

“Kelley? Are you in there?”

- 

Kelley sits up immediately, her eyes wide and her heart pounding like a jackhammer in her chest. 

“Shit.” 

Hope bolts up right next to her, confusion written all across her face. She instinctively grabs her shirt and pulls it on.

“Who the hell is that?” she asks, nervousness edging into her voice. Kelley is still in a bit of a daze, but she’s internally panicking and can’t formulate the proper words or motor skills. It’s only made worse when she remembers she hadn’t locked the front door in her excitement to get Hope inside. 

“Um, _hello,”_ Hope urges when the front door jiggles open. “Are you about to get killed? Am _I_ about to get killed?” 

Kelley still can’t spit out any words. Instead, she grabs her pants and puts them on and Hope can’t really do anything else but blindly follow suit. By the time they’re both fully clothed and Kelley’s awkwardly standing next to a still sitting Hope, there are footsteps trudging up the stairs and then there’s a figure standing in the doorway. 

“Kelley…”

Kelley stops breathing.

“David.”

-

Hope is already more than halfway down the stairs before Kelley can even push her way past David who has his hands gripped around Kelley’s forearms and looking more than confused. He did however notice that Hope’s shirt was inside out. 

“Kelley, what the hell is – “ David tries, but gets cut off. 

“Not _now_ ,” Kelley strains, prying his hands off her. She hears the front door open and close and her heart plummets. “Just stay here, _please_.”

Kelley takes off after Hope and doesn’t even bother to put her shoes on. Hope manages to make it to the end of the street by the time Kelley catches up to her. She reaches out and grabs Hope by the wrist, holding her in place. Kelley’s heart is still racing and she’s expecting anger when Hope turns around, that intimidating trademark pointedness that could start a revolution and bring down a regime, but instead what she gets is sadness. 

It leaves Kelley speechless. 

“What am I even supposed to say to you?” Hope whispers dryly, but the waver in her voice doesn’t go unnoticed. “What, you just _forgot_ to tell me he was here too?” She yanks her arm out of Kelley’s grasp and Kelley looks to the ground guiltily, kicking away a pebble. This is the last situation she ever envisioned herself in and her palms are slick with sweat and there’s a lump in her throat. She feels so _stupid._  

“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“You _think?_ ”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Hope shakes her head and takes a step backwards. After all this time of Kelley thinking Hope would be the one to hurt her again, little did she know she was the one who held all the power. Now she can hardly look at Hope.

“What is he even _doing_ here?” Hope asks frustrated, like she doesn’t actually want to know the answer. “Are you…back together?” It’s the most vocal she’s ever been about David. 

“ _No_. No, we’re not together.”

“Then?”

“We’re going to Europe,” Kelley answers honestly. There isn’t any point in lying.

Hope blinks.

Behind them, David is watching the whole exchange out of earshot from the porch. He doesn’t dare to go closer and his arms are folded tightly, the faint halo of the porch lightly casting an unintentional menacing shadow across his face. He stares intently and he’s heard and seen enough pictures to know that that is _the_ Hope Solo – Kelley’s infamous “friend” that she can’t stop talking about.

-

“ _Europe?_ ” 

Kelley nods. “We just stopped here so I could take care of housing business.”

Hope lets out a ‘ha!’ and shakes her head again.

“Unbelievable.”

“Let me explain,” Kelley starts, but Hope suddenly looks disinterested. When Kelley begins to struggle with her words, that’s when the wall starts to build between them again. 

“There’s nothing left to talk about,” Hope says flatly. She catches David’s gaze from a distance and she doesn’t know whether she should hate him, or _hate_ him. But if a look could deliver a punch, David would have two black eyes by now. 

“Do _not_ close me out again,” Kelley begs. “I didn’t want this to happen. The only reason this is happening is because _you_ didn’t want this. You’re not allowed to be angry at me for trying to make something work with someone who actually cares about me.”

That’s not actually what Kelley means, but Hope looks shocked and it’s too late to take the words back. Hope furrows her brows and tilts her head. 

“That’s not fair,” she practically shouts. “You’re the one who called me, you’re the one invited me over, and _you’re_ the one who conveniently left out the part about leaving the fucking continent with your…boyfriend or whatever he is _._ I know I have my issues, but that’s fucked up.” 

Kelley feels tears welling in her eyes because she knows Hope is right and she balls her hands into fists so tightly that she thinks she may have drawn blood.

“And I’m supposed to be okay with the fact that you’re still so close with your almost husband? Or the fact that literally none of your friends have even heard my name?” It’s a weak argument and Kelley knows that, but she doesn’t even want to be arguing in the first place.

She’s losing Hope again and she’s trying to grasp at all the wrong strings. 

The thing is, Kelley and Hope have been unfinished business ever since they parted way in Central Park back in the spring. There was and still is so much between them, both spoken and unspoken.

Now out here, under this buzzing telephone pole on a dark and quiet street, all these gaps and questions are begging to be filled and to be answered.

And at the end of the day, all they are is simply skin and bones trying to make it through life without getting hurt, but now they’re the only ones hurting each other. They started out as two unlikely people brought together by a fateful (or random, depends on who you ask) circumstance and left to figure themselves out without a manual or any direction. 

For Hope, it’s about her pride. She’s been hurt, used, and through the ringer of failed relationships. She isn’t in the business to deny herself of something or someone that makes her happy, even if that comes in the shape and form of Kelley O’Hara. She just needs to put the arrogance behind her and _let_ herself be happy, let _Kelley_ make her happy.

But for Kelley, it’s about her family. She had never fully let herself envision an actual or meaningful future or relationship with Hope because growing up, she’d been taught and conditioned by her friends and family that it was supposed to be the boy chasing and catching the girl, which is why she’s been forcing herself to feel something with David.

They’re at a standstill now – a make it or break it moment.

David is still watching from a distance, but he’s moved down to the sidewalk. Hope eyes him carefully then brings her attention back to Kelley.

“I did tell Adrian about you, by the way.” The words are short and curt and they’re meant to sting. 

“You did?” Kelley perks up, but immediately falls sullen again when she registers just how hurt Hope really is. 

“Yeah, not that it matters anymore.”

“Hope…” Kelley steps forward, trying to change the tone of everything. Hope backs away. 

“Have fun on your romantic adventure,” she mutters, but the waver is back in her voice. 

“ _Hope_ …” Kelley pleads again. 

“Just go, Kelley.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Hope shakes her head one last time, but it’s not to say no, it’s out of defeat. This time Kelley takes her wrists, unfazed by David who seems to be inching closer. This whole time, Hope’s been struggling too and she never even bothered to ask. And now that Kelley is realizing that Hope had actually wanted to work this out, she can’t stop kicking herself for being so careless and inconsiderate with this whole situation. 

“Tell me you want me to stay and I’ll stay. I’ll end things for good right now with him,” Kelley tries, desperate for this to not end horribly again. This time she means her words. “Just _tell_ me.”

* * * 

It’s awkward.

Everything is awkward and David and Kelley barely speak to each other the next day. Kelley repacks her suitcase in silence and she knows she owes David some sort of explanation, but he never asks for one and she’s too afraid to say anything. He just sort of sits on the bed and observes her. 

David isn’t an idiot though and Kelley knows that. While he isn’t _entirely_ sure what has been or is going on between Kelley and Hope, it’s so apparent that Kelley has an affinity to this woman that she’s never had to him. It’s in the way she talks about her and even last night in the way that Kelley’s body language had been so drawn in. And whether or not the fact that Hope is another woman bothers him, he doesn’t make any mention of it. 

But the thing that makes everything so much worse is that David is still so in love with Kelley. He’s actually willing to overlook this colossal _thing_ that happened last night

It’s not until they’re in the lobby and waiting for a car to come pick them up and bring them to the airport that David finally speaks up.

“Are you sure you still wanna go on this trip?” He asks, spinning his suitcase in circles. “I don’t know what last night was, but…” 

Kelley is staring at her phone in her hand, silently hoping and praying that Hope will text or call her, but so far it’s been quiet on all fronts. She doesn’t expect any contact though.

“I’m sure,” Kelley answers, trying for a smile. Hope knows when her flight is and if she had wanted to her to stay, she’d had said so by now so she tucks her phone into her backpack.

“Positive? I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to go back home.”

“Positive.”

* * *

Hope spends the day packing her bag for Abby’s wedding. It’s tomorrow, but Carli is coming to pick her up today and they’re going to drive up together now that her and Adrian have mutually decided that going to this wedding together (and even really staying friends) wasn’t the best idea. She’s rifling through her drawers for a shirt when she pulls out one of Kelley’s that she had left here long ago. It’s been washed for sure and tucked away for months, but if Hope closes her eyes and tries hard enough, she thinks it still smells like her. 

When she opens her eyes, there’s a tightness in her chest – regret – and she’s only making herself sick with thoughts of Kelley and David together and alone for two weeks. 

Hope checks the time. Maybe it’s not too late.

* * * 

The car ride to the airport is not as awkward. The driver is overly friendly and asks Kelley and David endless questions about their vacation. It’s nice; a casual distraction. Kelley does pull out her phone again, but the screen remains blank. David sneaks a glance at the same time she does this and if he notices how sad and dejected Kelley looks, he doesn’t say a word.

At the airport, Kelley checks again while David is checking them in. She smiles politely at the lady behind the counter and then nearly drops her phone when she sees a text message on the screen.

_Have a safe flight my love. Let us know when you land. Xoxo._

It’s just her mom.

-

The lineup for the security checkpoint is a disaster; clutters of bodies and no defined line. Kelley sighs and stays close to David, but it’s right now that she gives up on the prospect of Hope contacting her. Even if she did, what would she do? Her bags have been check in and she’s already told David she’s all in.

As they near the end of the line, David puts an arm around Kelley’s shoulder and gives her a kiss on the forehead. Kelley makes herself settle into it, after all, David has been nothing but great and understanding this whole time.

“Ready for a trip of a lifetime, Peach?” 

“Ready as spaghetti.” 

-

Kelley’s through the lineup first. She grabs her belongings out of the x-ray machine and waits for David by a row of seats. Despite what a nightmare last night was and how distant her heart is from David and how close it is to Hope (so close that it’s actually painful and completely unfair to David), she tries to resign herself into a state of mind where she can actually enjoy this trip. 

As she waits, she pulls out her phone to check the time, but what she sees instead has her heart on the floor.

- 

_I’m sorry I was so stupid. I know it’s too late but I really should have told you to stay._

- 

It starts out as elation. A quick medley dances through Kelley’s head of the last year; everything from the first time she saw Hope’s red high heels before even knowing who she was, to meeting her at Abby’s gallery party. Then there’s the whole photo shoot fiasco where Kelley didn’t have a clue what she was doing followed by Hope saving her in the middle of a thunderstorm. Then she remembers all the small, quiet moments; the getting to know each other, then that slow, painful burn of falling for someone so far out her league. 

Kelley’s heart is heavy and full of so much love, but then she’s remembering all the things that led her to this point; about to board a plane to another continent with a boy she’s trying so desperately to love, but can’t. 

Everything quickly turns into something close to anger. Kelley had given Hope the chance last night to speak up and to salvage this; to at least better things, but instead she had given Kelley the cold shoulder. And now, instead of using all the time she had today to say something, it’s thirty minutes before Kelley’s flight is supposed to depart and Hope’s text message is screwing up everything.   

It’s the worst timing possible.

“Alrighty, ready to go?” David says, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. “Gate B-twenty-seven.” 

“Huh?” Kelley looks up disoriented and startled. “Oh, yeah, let’s go.”

“What’s wrong?” David asks, picking up on change of Kelley’s mood. He uncomfortably pulls at the strap of his backpack and then his eyes falter to the phone in Kelley’s hand and back up to her frown line around her mouth. “Oh…” his voice practically cracks.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kelley protests, but as angry or whatever she is at Hope, she can’t be as excited for Europe anymore. In fact, she’s dreading it. “I just – nothing’s wrong. Let’s go.” 

“Peach…” 

“It’s fine, I promise. Come on, escargot is waiting for us on the other end of that plane ride.”

David nods meekly and follows, but nothing about this situation feels the way it should. 

* * * 

Hope paces impatiently around her apartment for Carli to come pick her up. At one point, she hears someone walking through the hall, but the footsteps just pass by her door and dissipate. She’s also anxiously awaiting any response from Kelley even if it’s “it _is_ too late, I’m already on the plane.”

While she waits for anything, mostly Carli because she has a track record for being late to everything, Hope pulls Ludwig down from the shelf and carefully blows the dust off of him.

She stares at him pensively and then places him on the kitchen counter. 

“You’ve seen a lot, little buddy,” Hope sighs to the inanimate object. “Maybe you can tell me where things went wrong.” She taps him on the head with her finger as if she’s actually expecting him to respond; and Hope isn’t the sort of person to have sentimental attachments to objects, but something about Ludwig pulls at her heartstrings. Perhaps it’s the strange and captivating connection Kelley had with him, and then Hope is in her room and digging through her closet for a small shoebox. 

She wraps Ludwig in a couple layers of newspaper and sets him gently into the box. Then she grabs a sheet of paper from her printer and writes out a short, heartfelt note to Kelley. She isn’t sure how she’s going to get this to Kelley, but she figures it might make a nice housewarming present for her if she decides it doesn’t hold too many bittersweet memories and actually accepts it.

The note gets tucked into the box alongside Ludwig and set aside for later.

Finally there’s a knock at the door and Hope groans, letting Carli know she’s pissed.

“Finally,” she shouts, “come in, it’s open.”

But when the door swings open, it’s not Carli.

- 

It’s Kelley.

-

Kelley steps through the threshold and doesn’t even bother to hide the fact that she’s been crying – there’s mascara smudged all over her face. She’s out of breath and there’s adrenaline rushing through her veins. Hope can’t do anything but stare wide-eyed in the middle of the kitchen with her mouth open. 

“Do you know how hard it is to leave the airport once you’ve crossed security? There are so many damn _questions._ ” Kelley manages through a laugh and bundle of emotions.

Hope is still standing there like she can’t actually believe Kelley is here and when she opens her mouth to say something, nothing comes out. Kelley lets go of the doorknob and slides her backpack off her shoulder and onto the floor.

“What did you say?” Hope finally sputters, and for the time since she’s known Kelley, she looks like she’s going to cry. 

“What?” 

“What did you tell them? At the airport.” 

Hope cracks a smile, which has Kelley smiling in return. Then Kelley is essentially running towards Hope, who hugs her so tightly that her feet lift off the ground and this time, there’s no wall between them. It’s free, it’s light, and most importantly, there’s harmony and _promise.  
_

Kelley lets her body fall limp into Hope’s arms and Kelley can actually feel Hope’s heart hammering against her chest with so much life and vigour that she knows she’s made the right choice.

“I told them I had left something really important and special behind.”


	15. Epilogue: The Prize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Kelley still continues to learn Hope and all of her ways, like the way she shuts down when things are too big for her..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S A WRAP! 
> 
> Again, thank you to all of you who followed me on this journey and were patient with me. I read each and every one of your messages and I love and appreciate all of them. Your feedback and enthusiasm only grows my love for writing and makes me a better a writer, so one last time, thank you very much.

The first time Hope introduces Kelley to her friends and as her girlfriend is the weekend after Abby and Sarah’s wedding. Kelley hadn’t attended, but while Hope was frolicking around in Hamptons, she had been vegging out on her couch and eating her food. She had also been dealing with the aftermath of leaving David behind and getting her luggage back. She doesn’t tell her parents the whole story, just that she couldn’t go through with it. 

Now there’s a party at the Wambach-Huffman residence the day before they leave for their honeymoon. A bit of a sophisticated rager, actually, considering the size of their quaint suburban household and the way it’s decorated subtly with leftover wedding paraphernalia; champagne flutes filled halfway with the most expensive pink bubbly line a white linen-lined picnic table in the backyard as they twinkle under the midday sun, and the sound system from the house croons a gentle and smooth male voice. 

Even Kelley’s friends make an appearance, who are back in the city early for the start of the new semester and to move into their new house. She’s huddled into a small group with Syd and Ashlyn, laughing and exchanging stories about their summers. Hope is somewhere, probably mingling with her own friends. Kelley, Syd, and Ashlyn are still waiting for Tobin though, who said she’d be here thirty minutes ago, but alas is nowhere to be seen and isn’t answering her phone.

Some time later, Hope politely cuts into Kelley’s friend group. 

“Can I steal you for a sec?” she says quietly to Kelley, pulling her aside. Her fingers cool to the touch against Kelley’s elbow. Kelley nods and shoots her friends a look then trails away. 

Hope drapes an arm around Kelley’s shoulder as they amble away from the deck and towards a small herb garden beside the picnic table. She just wants Kelley to herself for a moment then Hope is leaning down to mumble something into Kelley’s ear when Heather and A.J. appear in front of them. 

“Sup, Solo,” A.J. says reaching for two champagne glasses. He hands one to Hope and then one to Kelley. “Solo’s friend,” he nods at her.

“Actually, _girl_ friend,” Hope corrects. “This is Kelley.” Both her and Kelley watch his eyes widen and his face turn a light shade of pink. Then Heather is punching him in the arm for not getting her a glass of champagne too. 

“So _this_ is Kelley,” Heather smiles when she finally has a drink. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Kelley answers, offering both her and A.J. a friendly handshake. Then she looks to Hope, who’s already looking back. “So you do talk about me, then.” Hope shrugs and winks.

“Your name may have come up a few times.”

All four of them chitchat for a while, exchanging cute stories about how each couple met. Then Heather and A.J. migrate inside leaving Hope and Kelley shaded under the small and only tree in the backyard. When no one’s looking, Kelley rises to her tiptoes and slants a quick kiss across Hope’s lips. Hope melts into it and places a hand on the small of Kelley’s back to bring her closer. Before Hope can even kiss her a second time, Abby’s voice startles the both of them from behind. 

“Hey lovebirds,” she grins stupidly, “it was only a matter of time, wasn’t it?”

Hope narrows her eyes, but there’s no intent behind them. In fact, she’s sort of glad Abby had an idea. It makes her feel less alone and she’s happy to know she’s had a support system all along. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hope says and Kelley just sort of holds a giggle beneath her breath. 

“I knew Kelley was going to be someone special from the moment you mentioned her name,” Abby starts, taking a swig from her beer bottle. “Your eyes, like, lit up and then you just sort of changed after that. In a good way, I mean.”

“Shut up,” Hope says, her cheeks as scarlet as the roses in the garden.

“It’s true,” Abby says nodding at Kelley, “she’d find every possible excuse to talk about you. Don’t let her tell you otherwise.”

Kelley’s face turns her own shade of red and then she’s letting herself bask in how embarrassed Abby is making Hope – it’s really fucking cute. 

That’s how it goes for most of the afternoon, quiet conversations with Hope and her friends. Some of them having no idea who Kelley is and being shocked (but pleased) that Hope would be in a relationship with her, and some of them smug, like they had some faint idea because whether or not Hope has realized or wants to admit, Kelley really _is_ all she’s talked about. 

Then at the end of the night when most of the guests have cleared out and Tobin has _finally_ showed up, no less with a date, Alex – turns out Kelley was right and she _is_ a girl and a beautiful one at that – Hope pulls Kelley aside into the tiny den next to the kitchen and lets her curious hands wander the sides of Kelley’s body as they sway slowly to the music, heads comfortably foggy with alcohol. 

“Thanks for staying in the city,” Hope murmurs into Kelley’s cheek while the last of the music fades out. “You had every right to leave, but I’m glad you didn’t.” 

Kelley pulls her cheek away from Hope’s and settles her gaze into hers. Hope’s eyes are dark and blue and if Kelley has ever seen a look so sincere and earnest, it’s right now.

“I never wanted to leave in the first place.”

* * *

The first time that Kelley sees David after having abandoned him at the airport, he’s a completely different person.

It’s an odd weekend in October and Kelley flies home to Georgia just because she wants to and because she misses her family. Fayetteville is small and despite Kelley’s best efforts to avoid David, it’s an inevitable reality. She’s at her favourite café with Erin picking up some coffee to go when she turns around and literally bumps into him. 

His hair has been cut neat and short and his beard is actually growing in nicely. It’s scruffy to the point where for a moment Kelley doesn’t recognize him. 

“Pea – Kelley,” he says, just short of a gasp. 

“David,” she stammers. Erin uncomfortably eyes both of them and quickly excuses herself, telling Kelley she’ll be waiting in the car. Kelley wants to smack her for leaving, but she knows she can’t avoid David forever.

“You look…that’s a nice haircut.” 

“Thought I’d try something new. You’re home, I see.” 

“Yeah, just for the weekend.” 

Awkward silence doesn’t even begin to describe what follows. The way that David looks at Kelley – like he’s still so in love – doesn’t make her feel any better about bailing on him at the literal last minute or even letting things go as far as they did.

“Cool,” David says, fidgeting with the wallet in his hands. “Okay, well, have a good weekend, then.”

“Thanks. Um, David? I’m really – “ but David shakes his head cutting Kelley off. 

“Don’t. It’s okay. There are no hard feelings. I should have never have tried to buy you and I shouldn’t have been so persistent.”

The words feel heavy as they settle in Kelley’s chest and she wishes things had ended on a better note. She also had no idea that seeing David again would feel this horrible.

“Are you happy?” David asks genuinely. It’s not an attack nor is it a guilt trip – he’s never been that kind of person. “Does she make you happy?” 

Kelley can’t really manage the words, but she knows the answer in her head and in her heart. It’s just hard to speak when she feels so shitty about the way she’s treated him.

“Yeah,” she forces out, “I am.” 

“Good,” David nods. There’s pain behind his smile, but then he just lets Kelley go.

* * *

The first time Hope says “I love you” to Kelley, they’re both covered in dirt and sweat. Hope invites her to help run training drills with one her youth soccer teams and it’s more of a work out than Kelley anticipates. The girls are all thirteen and fourteen, Hope’s most advanced group and they’re all vying for striker positions. 

Kelley’s good with them though. Patient and understanding, but ruthless when she needs to be, like when they’re tired and don’t want to run suicides. She even takes the time to stress the importance of all positions on the pitch.

“You can score as many goals as you want,” she says when everyone’s huddled together, “but ultimately it’s the defense that’s going to help you win the game. If the opposing team can’t score, they can’t win.” 

Hope watches on in awe at how passionate and knowledgeable Kelley is about the game. And while the girls play little scrimmages, they play their own small keep-up games on the sidelines.  

They practice until the sun sets and it no longer feels distantly like summer. When the field empties out, Hope and Kelley gather all the cones and loose balls and lug them back to the trunk of her car. Kelley tries to rile her up in the process, punting balls at her, but Hope is uncharacteristically quiet. Kelley makes no mention of it at first, maybe she’s just tired, but when almost twenty minutes have passed and Hope still hasn’t said much, Kelley gets worried.

“What’s wrong?” she asks as their dumping everything into Hope’s car. “Are you okay?”

Hope nods and places a quick kiss on Kelley’s temple before shutting the trunk and making her way into the driver’s seat. Kelley follows, hopping into the passenger side.

“Something’s wrong,” Kelley tells her while the engine rumbles to life. “You just…stopped talking to me. Did I do something?” 

“No,” Hope shakes her head, setting her hands onto the steering wheel. 

“Then?”

“You were actually really great today,” Hope says, “the kids loved you, the parents loved you. You were amazing.” Kelley smiles and actually blushes.

“Thanks. Soccer is just in my blood, you know?” 

“I can see that.” 

“So what’s on your mind then?”

Hope lets out a breath and kills the engine. She shifts in her seat until she’s angled towards Kelley, though her eyes remain downcast. Kelley is just staring at her waiting for a response.

“ _I_ love you and that’s a problem.”

At first, Kelley just blinks, but her heart and stomach are starting to do flips and free-falls.

“Why is that a problem?”

“Because now you know what my weakness is,” Hope admits sheepishly, like it’s a joke, but only Kelley would know she’s dead serious. 

“I’m your weakness?” 

“You are.” 

Kelley waits for a moment, mulling the words over. Hope is complex and even from the day Kelley first met her, she had never been openly readable. And so it is, Kelley still continues to learn Hope and all of her ways, like the way she shuts down when things are too big for her or the way the she shows her gratitude by _doing_ things, and not _saying_ things.

The seriousness slowly edges its way out of Hope’s face until she’s forcibly trying to suppress a stupid grin. Then they’re both quietly giggling and Kelley is leaning over the console find Hope’s lips with her own.

“If it makes you feel any better, I love you too.”

* * * 

The first time Kelley tells her parents about Hope is during the Christmas break. Weeks of weighing out all the potential different outcomes of the situation finally catches up to her and it suddenly become painful to be so happy and not be able to share it with her family. This time they _know_ something’s up.

It falls completely silent at the dinner table as Kelley utters the words:

“I’m dating a girl. Well, a woman, actually.”

Even Jerry for once doesn’t know what to say, but then mom lets out a small gasp and her fork falls to her plate, clinking loudly. Kelley’s heart immediately shatters and before she can get a word out, mom’s crying and excusing herself from the table. 

“ _Karen_ …” dad empathetically calls out after her, but he quickly turns his attention back to Kelley who’s now crying herself. Erin slides in closer and is holding her hand in her lap. “Kelley,” he says, “I love you no matter who you date, okay? I promise. Just let me go talk to your mom and we’ll talk about this more later. I love you, okay? Don’t worry.” 

Kelley nods through sobs and sniffles and of all the times for Jerry to say something inappropriate, now it’s actually the most welcomed.

“So is she hot or what?”

-

The heating lamp on the back porch buzzes incessantly on Kelley as she curls up under a blanket on the wicker couch. It’s too dark to really see anything, but she watches the way the moon reflects off the ripples in the lake. Her phone is in her lap with a chain of text messages to and from Hope filling her in on everything that’s happened.

Behind her, the glass door slowly slides open.

“Honey?” Mom says, poking her head out. “Can I join you?” Kelley cranes her head around and nods, clearing a space next to her. 

“I didn’t mean to react that way,” mom starts slowly. “I was just surprised and I didn’t know what to do or say.” Kelley wipes away the tears that are welling up again. 

“It’s okay, mom.” 

“It’s not okay, Kelley. I’m your mother and it’s my job to love you no matter what. I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t love you.”

And that’s when they both start crying. Mom pulls Kelley into her arms and Kelley just lets herself sob until her eyes are red and raw, and her chest doesn’t feel like it’s going to cave in on itself. When there are no more tears to be shed, mom places her hands on either side of Kelley’s face and looks her straight into the eyes. 

“I am _so_ sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me or yourself.” 

“Thanks mom.” 

“And I’m sorry that I put so much pressure on you to be with David. He’s pretty lame, huh?” 

Kelley bursts out laughing and for the first time in a _long_ time, she feels at peace with herself. Mom laughs too and puts her arm around Kelley’s shoulders and pulls her back in. 

“So,” she says, pressing her cheek onto the top of Kelley’s head, “are you gonna tell me about her or what?” 

Kelley just smiles and happily pulls up the photos on her phone. It’ll be a merry Christmas after all.

* * * 

The first time Kelley brings Hope home to Georgia with her is the summer after sophomore year. It isn’t the first time Hope has met the O’Hara clan; they had made a trip up to the city a few months back to surprise Kelley and were warm and eager enough to take Hope out to dinner with them, but this is different.

Now she’s being welcomed into their home, their _family_. Hope’s already created her own special bond with Erin and she actually finds Jerry amusing, mostly because he reminds her of her own brother so immediately he’s earned a soft spot in her heart.

She’s taken well to Kelley’s parents too. They’re kind and loving, and everything that her own parents lack, they completely make up for. 

It’s a relaxing two weeks. Dad takes Hope out on his boat and tries to teach her to fish, but in a twist of events, Hope’s the one teaching him. Mom and Erin steal her away for shopping trips since Kelley doesn’t care much for retail therapy, and at the end of most days, when the sun is just dipping behind the tree line and dad is firing up the grill, Hope, Kelley, and Jerry shoot BB guns at empty soda cans in the backyard. 

The night before Kelley and Hope are set to fly back out to New York City, they have an elaborate, but cozy family dinner. There are lobsters waiting to be cooked, steaks marinating in the fridge, an array of different vegetables waiting to be attended to, and Hope and Kelley spend the afternoon making peach cobbler. Well, mostly Hope; Kelley stands around pretending she knows what she’s doing and stealing peach slices until there aren’t enough for the second cobbler.

The kitchen timer beeps and dad and Erin bring in the haul from the grill and everyone else gathers around the kitchen table. Hope nestles comfortably in between mom and Kelley with Kelley’s hand innocently in her lap hidden under the table.

Two years ago, if anyone had asked Kelley how she saw her future panning out, she would not have imagined it with the likes of Hope Solo. In fact, she might not have imagined it with anyone. But through the course of triumphs and failures, confusion and broken hearts, she’s finally at a place that even if she had never foreseen, she’s glad she’s at. 

“So who wants to say grace?” Dad offers from the head of the table. It’s a little shocking that Jerry volunteers, but no one questions it. Not even Hope, who even if she doesn’t believe in a God and has never said a word of grace in the life, is happily taking mom’s hand on one side and Kelley’s on the other. 

She closes her eyes as Jerry begins some overly cheesy speech about how happy everyone is that Kelley has met her match and how grateful they are Hope is now a part of the family. 

The words are poignant and they fill Hope’s heart with a kind of warmness she finds hard to come by. She sneaks a quiet peak a Kelley, but Kelley’s been watching her the entire time.

See, it’s never been a conquest for one another. There was never a chase and capture. What it was though, was an _internal_ conquest of self; a battle of demons and fears.

And now, gathered around the O’Hara dinner table, it does feel like something has been won. 

Self-acceptance; and that’s the best prize of all. If the past two years have taught either of them anything, whether it has a label or not, a relationship isn’t just adding one plus one to equal two. It’s two people that like and care enough about each other to not give up on one another and in turn, themselves. 

Quiet _amens_ are mumbled and when all is said and done, it’s a free for all for all the food that’s in front of them. Kelley blindly shovels spoonfuls of everything onto her plate while her parents watch on in horror, but then she pauses when she gets to the bowl of questionable green vegetables.

Hope simply leans over with a cheeky smirk and says,

“I think that’s spinach.”

 

**THE END**


End file.
